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>My computer has gone wonky so I don't know if my first comment went through, but mostly I was saying…A one stop shop for your stories…hooray!!And I'm honored to be the first follower. I feel special ????

>So exciting! I am looking forward to reading all you have to share. I adore this name! Happy story-telling!

>Look at you and your fiction writing skills! I'm impressed! Love this and definitely want to know what happens next!

>Wow.Just wow. I really loved this story.Okay, that's not helpful. I know X is the hardest letter to use but your word choice broke up the rhythm of your writing, making the word stick out like a sore thumb. Does "Xanax in hand…." work?Feel free to strike my comment.

>Noted. Thanks for the tip! I worked it in. Great suggestion.

>A heartbreaking story. I agree that as a whole, the letters flow naturally. I loved the flashback, and the way you weaved details about that little town in so seamlessly. Are you working on a novel about that diner? There's totally one there. Visiting from RDC

>beautiful story telling. I agree with what has been said, it flowed so well.visiting from RDC

>amazing post! I love how if you didn't highlight the letters? I would have forgotten that this was the alphabet prompt. Such a powerful post!

>Great minds think alike! I highlighted my letters too :pThis was really well done, it flows so well that like Sluiter Nation, I'd never have realized it was following the prompt.Visiting from Red Writing Hood

>This is so beautiful and so sad! What an excellent piece of writing!

>I see more growth in your writing every time I visit. Good job on a tough assignment.Stopping by from the red dress club.

>I can see it all so clearly – the hospital, the storm, the….xanax. Very powerful piece.

>Nice job with Xanax! Really well-told.

>We got to go so many places and through so much time in this short piece. The characters are very well developed and I was sad to get to Z.

>Oh how awful I feel for Becca. And how much do I love that you used inclement weather. I have no idea why, but it's one of my favorite phrases. Amazing as ever…

>I love that you have a dedicated site just for writing! How hard was it to write and work in every letter of the alphabet?

>Love the new site, Stephanie! I liked this, how so much happened in such a short time.

>Wow! That story gave me chills!!

>Very interesting subject matter… Is this semi-autobio? fiction? Enjoyed it! :-)Stopped by from MamaKat's Writers Workshop to read your selection, say hello and wish you a very happy 2011!Best,Elizabeth

>Wow!! :o)

>The rhythm and flow are so peaceful. I hope it isn't a true one, Please?But, very peaceful and the Alphabet works effortlessly there.Thank you for the quietness with your post today.

>Oh this is heart breaking. ????

>Stopping by from Mama Kat – and go you for writing a piece of fiction from the week's prompt! I love it, and definitely want to read more. Wonder, what is a "Weathers"? Hope you keep going with this scene ????

>I really enjoyed reading this sad story!

>Wow. What a heart-felt, sad story, I really liked it.

>Loving the new site! It's something I've been thinking about doing, too. If the letters hadn't been highlighted, I would've never caught on to the alphabet – it flows beautifully! Love the story, but then again, I love all of your writing ????

>Ah, the desperation in trying to prepare something nutritious and delicious to feed to a screaming, hungry baby. Nicely done!

>That's GREAT! You even included the idea of measurements!!! You devil you!…:)JP

>This is good! And the rivalry between a mother and a mother-in-law…so true to life!

>This is why I never even ATTEMPTED to make baby food. I knew I'd be the one crying in the end :)Visiting from RDC

>I love how you capture the different feelings of motherhood – all so intense – in this post. I feel like I'm in the room with these two women.-Callie

>I know this frustration…that no one is listening to a simple request. This was a wonderful take on the prompt! Love it!

>I love your take on the prompt. I must say, I've never even considered making my own baby food, but I admire those that do. It's hard to do anything when the baby is crying for food!

>Making baby food is SO EASY. Poor X got gypped – he only had apples for applesauce!Fun take on the prompt!BTW, I will be forever grateful if you got rid of word verification! ????

>What a great take on the prompt! I love that nearly the entire story was dialogue.

>Great dialogue! I love how she switches from Mom when she needs help to Mother when she's exasperated. So lifelike. ????

>I made baby food myself, and not too long ago. I think you really captured the MIL and Mom drama well. So was your chosen prompt item applesauce then? Or something else?

>Oh I can feel the frustration and completely relate. This was wonderful!

>Loved this, I can feel Kelly's stress with a screaming baby in the background. Great dialouge too.

>OH! motherhood scares me off.

>Someone needs a Beaba Babycook! :pI so understand the frustration of this piece. They dynamic between mother, mother-in-law and the daughter is spot on. And I agree with Jessica Anne – great dialogue!

>Absolutely fun, crisply written, and believable. I love the clever use of ingredients, too.

>I love that there is so much said here without a word. That dynamic is true and strong. The rivalry, the dance that mothers and daughters play in conversation….so well done. This is why I think dialogue is the best way to show character…you've done it nicely here.

>Love it! ????

>Excellent and truly funny; I couldn't figure out a way to make that topic funny… You did! :-)Stopped by from Mamakat's workshop.Eliz

>LOL… I have to mention though that this same guy was too adorable to resist in The Holiday… He was just too good to be true… and i agree with you he can be a bit overwhelming. I didn't like him much in Gulliver's Travels too… He was just way over confident… but The Holiday Jack Black, ah! I'd be friends with him any given day.

>Ha! I might not be able to be friends with him but my kids think he's FANTASTIC!

>LOL, I love Jack Black! (But love Jack White so so so much more ;P )Just here via Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. Nice to "meet" you!

>Agreed on all fronts. Sadly he does still make me laugh.

>Lol. I LOVE Jack Black. He's a nut.

>LOL! This is great!I have to admit I do like me some Jack Black. lol

>Hilarious! Just the pictures alone would make me laugh, but your reasons…yep, I guffawed!

>LOL! That Yo Gabba Gabba episode is on all the time. I just can't look at him in that unitard!

>hahaha The pictures! I loved them. You know, I've never thought about this before, but he is incredibly annoying, isn't he?Visiting from Mama Kat's! ????

>Awesome post! I heard he asked to get his own orange DJ costume for the Yo Gabba Gabba episode. He doesn't wear it quite as well as the skinny guy!

>Good one! Yo Gabba Gabba is bizarre! I can't imagine Jack Black on there.

>Oh, my kids love Jack Black. ANd I really think he was overlooked in Nacho Libre. He was wonderful in there. And he was charming in Holiday…he truly has a charming side.Sweet post.

>I knew there was more than just a conversation between 2 people…I suspected it was one person talking to herself.The chaotic, frantic feel of the conversation definitely works here

>Oh, you have painted a perfect picture of crazy here. I feel all the frantic urgent energy of the situation and of the manic mind.Perfect. One spot that kind of jolted me out of the moment was the 5th paragraph. I don't think you need to say who is saying it.It is just fine on it's own. To say who is saying it, for me, jolts me out of the moment.

>Oh, I like it. I love stuff like this. A little twisted, a little scary. Nice work!

>Oh wow… what an awesome twist on the assignment. Really nice work. Creepy and scary, but nicely done.

>Ohhh I love it! Excellent!

>This is nice but I got a bit confused in the middle… somewhere Let ol'Teach take care of you part… what happened there???

>Teach is supposed to be the "teacher" personality, the caregiver with a sharp tongue. Amber is the weakest personality, in need of comfort that bully Felice is not giving. So, Teach "comforts" her other self. It all works in Teach's favor as she ends up the dominant personality, Felice fading as Amber stands up to her, and Teach's stronger personality overriding Amber's.

>Such a perfect mess. You createad the crazy atmosphere really well.

>I agree with all the comments about the manic atmosphere. I love this world you're making, and I suspect Teach may be just as, if not more twisted than Felice. My thinking? I think you should actually use some of the descriptive language as descriptors instead of actual dialogue. For example, instead of: "How can I not laugh at you! You, with your flaming red clown hair? The black circles etched around your eyes and bleeding down your face. Your tawdry lips slashed with red goo. You? You embarrass me!" Felice sneered, "How can I not laugh at you!" She glanced at Amber's flaming red clown hair. Black circles etched around her eyes, bleeding down her face. Her tawdry lips were slashed with red goo. She leaned in, her voice slicing the air with ice, "You? You embarrass me?" I'm certainly not saying that's anything good, but just to show you what I mean. Way to go, Stephanie. You have captured my attention for sure.

>oh, how I love me some crazy. well done!

>I think everyone likes a little crazy in their lives – especially if they're reading the crazy of someone else!

>I loved this!Ok, first off I felt confused, but I seemed like that was intentional, I was supposed to be confused. Then at the end it pulled together nicely. I didn't realized we were dealing with multiple personalities; it was unexpected but realist. Does that make sense?

>As I told you the other night, I absolutely love the ambiguity of this piece. Great job trusting yourself and your reader!

>This has the perfect kind of crazy-feel to it. Really pulls you into the character and the lack of control she has.

>I was a little confused at first but by the end it definitely all made sense. What a great idea! Good job!

>I feel something crazy coming on…Stopping by from the red dress club.

>I sense a little crazy in this one! Great dialogue! Stopping by from RWH!

>I love the crazy! If this were a critique, I'd have to agree with what Nancy C said, although I suspect that you probably would have written it differently had it been a different assignment anyway.Very fun character(s) you've created!

>Loved the crazy! It flowed really well at the beginning, then I was a tad lost, but it all came together well.I wonder if Mr. Jeffries is a real person, if so he better watch out!

>this was really dramatic and interesting—i was confused at first, then realized i was kind of supposed to be. i think you did a wonderful job with it and i'm a new follower. thanks so much for reading MY post today!;-)

>It was a little confusing in the beginning, but I think, based on the situation, it should be confusing. Love the crazy! Great job with the prompt!

>I get what nancy is saying, but of course this assignment was to do straight dialogue. Nancy's just trying to get you to cheat ;)You definitely do a good job with The Crazy. I think the problem is you're trying to stuff too much into each paragraph. Maybe less description would actually move things along faster, or make it a little less confusing.

>I really like this. So interesting and dark. If I had to critique anything, I'd just wonder about talking in that much description – just because you don't typically hear conversation that detailed. But then you are using unusual characters, so maybe it works for them!

>I didn't see the twist at the end coming which is always fun. And using an all dialogue piece to depict multiple personalities is very smart. Somehow it makes sense that you wouldn't have any descriptive language in between the personalities sounding off to each other. That would just create a self-awareness that probably isn't there. Does that make sense?

>Well done, the "crazy" really came through!

>Wow! Nicely done – especially the twist at the end. I liked how your dialogue gave us insight on the character of each of the personalities and how authentic your dialogue was that it came across as if though two people were actually talking to each other.Good stuff! And nice to meet you again!

>Wow! Amazing! I didn't see the twist coming. Nicely done. I love the frantic nature of it.Here from Red Dress Club!

>Aha! I had to read it a couple of times – I thought I was missing a key point. However, I finally accepted that it was 'mirror, mirror, mirror image'. A very new presentation of a very old condition! ????

>It seems like it would be hard to "write crazy" but you did such a great job! How'd you do it? The scene is frantic, and I think you did an amazing job of helping the reader to step into the mind of this character. What are you going to do next with this?

>Very nice depiction of crazy. I love what you did with this!

>I'd love to be friends with JB. We love Nacho Libre to pieces over here!

>Looks great so far! Keep going!

>Not sure how I missed your writing blog reveal, but I ADORE IT!And lovelovelove the Blair stories. Knowing her, it will not be good for Regina. Good stuff lady!

>I enjoyed this story quite a bit. Blair is in the classic facebook dilemma. Reply to the comment and leave it up or delete it. Keep up the great writing.

>I just love Blair. Regina needs to watch out. Great writing and I love how you were able to use the prompt for your WIP. ????

>I'm sucked in already, and this is the first time I've visited your blog. Looking forward to the next one!

>Well…that was quite the quick turnaround for Mama! "Sordid woman" indeed…though I guess not so bad if you get a grandchild out of it hmmm?

>Lol, the sorid woman part caught my attention as well. Very good job fitting the joke in with the tears, (I thought it was hard to find a way to do but challenging)www.squidmom.com

>oooh intrigue!I wonder what broke them up…and where she disappeared to.

>el-if-i-no, Ha! I was a bit confused myself why she would ask that and why he would know it. I'm guessing there's a bit I'm missing. ???? Can't wait to read more.

>I liked how you kept suspense about why the woman was there, it kept my attention.

>I'm thinking the joke was a "password" to verify that Thomas was the father? Maybe an inside joke?I wonder what happened to the mother…

>Intriguing. Will there be more? Got my interest!

>I'm embarrassed at how long it took me to get the joke…I really had to sound it out…

>Elfino! Oh my God. I liked the way you used the joke to decode that Thomas was the father… That's cool and smart. This piece was full of excitement.

>Okay, had to read comments then go back to get the joke, love it, apparently l need them to be blinking right in front of my face. Great piece.

>Elifino – I have to use that joke now lol! I was wondering how this piece would turn out and I loved the surprise!

>I think the plot line you chose is an interesting one. This feels like a cliffhanger… More to come?

>I don't know if this was an edit, but I love how it was her favorite joke and that was how the woman confirmed he was who he was. I'm hoping, guessing, that she left a note with that on it, or something along those lines. The end left me a little bit empty with mom's turnaround (as someone else mentioned) but I loved the build up and the anticipation. I kind of wanted mom to go away and Thomas to talk to her by himself.

>This story left me wanting to know more! I did think Thomas seemed a little…nonchalant…about finding out he had a son, but maybe that was because his mother reacted so quickly.

>Interesting story!I like the way you didn't show his reaction to learning he had a son, but shifted the focus to his mother…it confirmed my image of her being controlling. The only part that reads strange to me is this, "…Hilary looked around the open space, noting the attire of those around her, and feeling quite under dressed in the large, immaculate home for once." It makes it sound like the house was clean for once…but I'm sure that's not what you meant. :)Great job!

>I love the idea of the joke as a password, it did feel a little forced and I was wondering why a state worker would go through this much trouble. What would have helped smooth that transition for me was Thomas remembering something or some moment which made that joke significant between him and Patience, or Hilary remembering the story that Patience told her. I love the 180 that the Grandma does, what a present for her, a grandchild with no mother.

>I do like how you left Thomas's reaction a mystery, but I was definately not expecting his mom to be so happy about it. Maybe there's another part to the story that explains why she's glad, because you would think the norm would be to be pissed off.Enjoyed reading your story!

>Twists and turns abound! I wonder how Thomas felt about the news?

>I really liked the way the mother went from "that sordid woman" to overjoyed at learning of a grandson. Really good turn.I was just a little bit confused about who Arthur is. I'm guessing that's Thomas's father? I just felt a little confused since he was listed in such a personal way and then didn't figure into the rest of the story.But I really liked the story!

>I liked how the focus moved around to the various characters. 2 things: "intervened" Seemed a kind verb for the overbearing mother. And I realized we had word count constraints but her 180 was SO FAST. It didn't jive with the venom she spewed about Patience. (BTW, I do that too…always w/ the quick ending. I may be a male.)

>I really liked the ending of this. My favorite was how the reader saw the mom's response before the man's…like Nichole said, this solidifies her as controlling.I felt like the joke was a password too…and then it wasn't. So that was a little awkward for me, but the joke itself? One of my favorites ????

>Oh. That was soo good! I wish there was more!

>I did not see THAT coming. I mean, I figured out why she was there, but the mom's reaction was unexpected…

>Love how she is happy to have an "heir" not an actual grandson. What a piece of work that one.Your words brought out a strong reaction in me, great job. One of my all-time favorite jokes too. I hope these characters reappear in another TRDC prompt. There's more to this story for sure.

>I really like the last sentence – how it broke up the memory and brought her back to her real life. It's so sad and yet I want to read more of it. You can feel her anguish and when you can feel pain like that, (to me) that's good writing.

>I think the title fits the piece perfectly… The emotions that must be going through Blair in that instant was so clear… it did not even require much words to understand… nice work. Just a suggestion Stephanie: I would like to see a lighter background for your post. The black background with the white font actually create an optical illusion and long continued reading seems difficult. Thought I would let you know. Have a great weekend.

>Thanks, Ratz. I took your advice. ????

>I enjoyed the piece very much. I too like the last line. I have a bit of a bias toward less narration than you provide. For example, you say "her heart melted". I would prefer to see her physically touch her hand over her heart or see her eyes look down, etc. That said, it is purely a writing preference. I take "show don't tell" to the extreme. You are clearly and extremely talented writer and your story is cohesive and compelleing. My concrit is a matter of style. Keep up the good work.

>I love reading about Blair and this made her more human and likable for me, maybe just more sympathetic. I hadn't realized until I read this that I kind thought she was just a spoiled brat. ???? Your writing, as usual, is beautiful. You're able to draw me right back into the story every time, like I had just set the book down a minute ago.

>You captured well the melancholy of the moment.My one small concrit is in the first graph you say "spits" in the present tense, but the rest of the piece is in the past tense.

>@ Jessica Anne: She is a spoiled brat, but there are many layers to Ms. Weathers. I am only starting to discover them myself.@ Cheryl: Thanks for noting that. I fixed it. It is one of my worst faults in writing. I am terrible at tenses.

>I felt so sad for her, and I wanted to know more. I think I'll go up to the tabs and read some more about her.

>Lovely piece. I enjoyed this one very much.

>What an intriguing character! I too loved the last line. I'm off to read more. ????

>hee hee…I like #7 best

>cute! love the "tool" reference.

>Ha! Love the blackberry with included numbers and the tool. I mean tools. ????

>Hehehehe…LOVED the email address and the "tools". LOL

>Low mileage. ???? Love this!

>Loved this and that you only need one "tool."

>LMBO this seems to be a recurring theme today.. came by from teh RDC.. Love that he won't need it 6 feet under

>This made me laugh, esp the "one tool is enough for me" line.

>He can't watch it six feet under….ha! I wish I knew where that house was, I could use any of those things!

>So funny. The tool reference was classic! Stopping by from TRDC

>Spectacular. #7 is great. Want to put that Mac Book on hold for me?

>Very nicely done – told the whole story ????

>I've been wanting to upgrade my laptop…What was that super awesome email addy again?

>A $1? Dude you might as well make some money on this! The cheapskate in me weeps!

>I love the numbers already loaded in the Blackberry! Good job! You really sound pissed!…:)JP

>"Low Mileage"… LOVE.Oh yeah, you nailed this one.

>#7 was my fave..

>Love the email address! It just says it all. Can I get the recliner without the dummy?

>Damn. I keep thinking of that scene from "Waiting to Exhale" where she set his car on fire. Never, ever eff with a lady!

>LOL!!! I think my favorite part is the address and the email account! And comes with numbers programmed into the phone. Ugh. Hate the cheaters!!! great job ????

>The contact information is hilarious and I think #6 was my favorite.

>"Numbers already added…" OUCH! That is funny, but wow!

>I love the world you're creating here, you can just feel the magic!*LOVE*

>awesome. just my kind of stuff too! well done ????

>When will the book be published? This is great!

>Oooo…I love a good fantasy. Is there more of this story posted on your site somewhere?

>Nice job!

>I love this story. I was swept up in it and can't wait to read more. You're creating such a deep world.

>It's tricky for me to comment because I don't 'do' fantasy. I don't personally enjoy it.However, I think the way you have written this piece evokes the necessary 'other-worldliness' to truly take the reader into the magic.There were some issues with tenses though – it seemed to swap once or twice.Example:'Adren rides behind him,''Abaddon screamed in horrific pain as he plunged from the sky to the wooded earth waiting below.'Nice work.

>Thank you. I have a terrible time with tenses. I think I fixed it. <3

>Good job on this, Stephanie. Fantasy is also not my thing but this kept me reading for sure!

>Like Angie, I noticed some tense issues, but all easily fixed.It definitely has the sound of a ceremonial story, kind of formal, I imagine it as an inset in a chapter.I like it as a twist on the prompt.

>I loved the take that you rook on this- the magic, the adventure, the quite literally other world!

>What a way to respond to the prompt. While it was a short story I was hooked right in. The way you intertwined the sister's thoughts after she actually spoke makes this piece really pop!

>THAT was a good read!!!

>There are so many people out there like the needy sister. I'm sure many people can relate to both sides of this story!

>You are a talented writer! Thank you for sharing this – a very good and quick entertaining read! Love it!Stopping in from Bloggy MomsFamily and Life in Las VegasEmily

>I love the interpretation of the quote! Great read!

>You did such a great job making both characters sympathetic and relatable. My only concrit is just a style thing, my personal preference really, I'm not a fan of italics. Sometimes I think they're necessary for clarity, but I think that they were thoughts would be clear even without the italics in this piece. This is such a realistic depiction of the dynamic between sisters. Great job!

>You created two characters and a very real relationship in few words.My issue was also the italics. You were writing in 3rd person, but you used first for those. It would have been less distracting to ditch the italics and just tell us her thoughts in the usual third person. When "she" showed up again, it threw me out of the story, because of the switched perspective.I love the description of sounds in the 2nd paragraph. "The shrill shriek of the cordless telephone could be heard through the thick wooden door. The key slid into the doorknob with the ease of familiarity and turned, producing a gentle click only heard between the rings. The door opened easily, its heaviness causing it to close slowly behind her." Slight tightening could strengthen it further: cutting out "could be heard" to "sounded/rang/echoed", elimating passive verbs.A great sisterly tale.

>Oh so good, I want to know what happens next.Love the descriptions, so vivid. I love the line about the writing on the postcard.

>Oh! the intrigue!And a sinister woman in a fedora…Your description of the desk is wonderful. You dress your stage very vividly.

>yes, yes, the descriptions are wonderful, I was running my hands across that desk with you…and I love the cliff hanging ending, this was fantastic. ????

>Ahh! Regina. I don't like her.I loved this. I love how clearly you show Blair's world view and so much about her life experiences with her insistence that everyone has a price. That little detail really told a lot about her character.I love the description of the desk too.Can't wait to read more!

>I LOVE this line: "It had been a busy week though, and she had found no time to really assess its full value." It is so telling of her character.This is a great piece and I can't wait to see how it plays into the story line.

>I always love your tidbits about this storyline.I found this a bit confusing though. Especially the end. It is Blair doing the narrating, correct? And who is she supposed to be waiting for? Louis? It was this line that confused me:"Three nights she had come, hoping that Blair would show up, only to leave empty handed"I'm sure a few edits would help. And maybe breaking up a couple of the paragraphs to read easier :)Oh, and this line? The words were an angry dog growling at an intruder after the warm "Welcome to the Bahamas" on the frontLOVED IT

>Thanks for stopping by my blog and introducing me to yours. This draft is a great start. I can't wait to see where you go with it.

>I am intrigued and curious about where this goes. Twenty years later he resurfaces- that is interesting- all sorts of possibilities.

>I really want to read more of this story. Great cliffhanger. I was a bit confused at the end. I had to reread a couple of times to catch on.

>Ok, I really enjoyed this story. I admit, I don't think I've read this series you're writing, so I'm only viewing this as a short story.I saw you were seeking concrit so here are some suggestions (which you can listen to or disregard as you see fit).The story was strong, but the beginning could be tighter.In the first paragraph: "Yes, Bill. I really do need you to get that patented ASAP. It's a crucial part of my design. If you need more money to get it done, just say so." Blair's impatience to get her gallery up and running stressed her out. –> I didn't realize she was on the phone and you were sort of telling me why she was stressed. Leave me hanging. If you tightened it up by saying "Yes, Bill. I really do need you to get that patented ASAP. It's a crucial part of my design. If you need more money to get it done, just say so." Blair spat into the phone, her patience gone." Leave the gallery and the stress until later. The beginning is where you suck me in, making me want to know why she's so impatient.The second paragraph: his warning is fine, but you can modify it tighter: "Bill's ignored warning an echo of previous conversations." or something along those lines.In the next paragraph, I don't think you need the line "She was very surprised to learn that he had bequeathed her the desk." because the line after it talks about her surprise.I loved the description of the desk, searching for the key and the postcard. Only suggestion is you start a new paragraph with "She opened the drawers.."Love the line "The words were an angry dog growling at an intruder after the warm "Welcome to the Bahamas" on the front."I'd ditch "quickly" when you talk about her falling to the carpet again, it isn't needed.This paragraph was good, but the head bouncing "from" the carpet confused me. Did you mean "on" the carpet?Because I wasn't familiar with the story, it took me a moment to "get" the ending, but once I understood it, it made perfect sense. I really liked the set up and intrigue.A very good story, with some interesting characters. I hope this helped!Posted using google account b/c WordPress ID was denied on Blogger. My blog is at WordPress, not Blogger.

>She's got some rocking tunes there. Funny the way a song will stay your hand, even though you're not in the mood for it… I think what I loves best is that the tension in this is entirely contained within the character, and that the more sinister elements of her situation make her more physically appealing: apples in her cheeks, a slight smile.

>Oh, Regina, what are you up to? As always, I love your word choices. Loved this, "Her finger snagged the cord stretched from ear to ear violently, shredding her connection with the words in her ears," and this, "Apple blossoms rose to her cheeks as blood flowed to her face."For me, this sentence kind of didn't work, "Her rump wriggled subtly in her seat,". Maybe the word rump? Might be just me. And although I love the imagery of this, "mouth to slice upward," because the word slice is in the lyrics in the next couple paragraphs, it was too much slicing for me. :)I loved how you foreshadowed Regina's plan and back story (although, maybe foreshadowing a back story isn't the right way to say that). Well done. Waiting for more. ????

>ahhh, the plot thickens.Once again, another person who clearly has more knowledge of songs and lyrics that I do ???? Song titles frighten me.I feel that the choice of music really speaks to who Regina is. Some of the choices didn't jive with my image of her but perhaps I am getting her mixed up with another character. I picture a very proper woman and Iggy Pop isn't what I'd think to see on her iPod

>Whoa! 1st definitely got some awesome tunes! 2nd I love reading all your stuff, the imagery is wonderful! I feel like I am sitting right there! It's such an easy and exciting read, I can't wait to see what is coming up!

>This really flowed so beautifully! You married the music and the scenery with beautiful language and I felt like I was right there for every last but of it!

>This part flows so well you can't even tell it is a prompt. It just feels like a natural scene that really builds a connection with Regina.

>I had no problems reading this, even though I haven't read the other parts of this story. You did a good job of writing this segment so it focused on the jealousy and didn't get lost in the details of the longer story.The only place that stopped me was this line, "He wanted to make sure there was no doubt among the men, the least traitor, and that all knew their part." I did understand what you meant by "the least traitor." Did you mean "a traitor" or it that the name of a type of traitor..does this make sense?Interesting story. I don't ready much fantasy, but did you leave very curious about what would happen to Gwyneth:~)

>I thought it flowed quite well. I stumbled on the same line as Sara.Other than that is was great ????

>I fixed that line, thanks!!

>I love this story! I'm so glad I got to read more of it. I like the deviousness of Prince Aletalian. ???? The only part that seemed out of place to me was, "I am your servant and will do as you ask, but I want to be clear that you know what you are doing here." The "here" at the end sounds less medieval and more modern to me. I think it flowed very well and I had no issues with the descriptions/etc. being a little less formal/medieval sounding in places. I think as long as the dialogue stays true to the times, it works.Waiting impatiently for more. ????

>Oh I love this story and your talent for writing it with the voice of that time is brilliant. I read this 5 times before I couls comment, I just loved the words, the images they brought, the feelings they gave me. You are awe inspiring!!!!

>It's hard for me to concrit as I don't read fantasy at all, so I don't know what works and what doesn't. The story flowed well, and I agree w/ the commenter who thought "here" sounded too modern. I think as long as the dialogue is consistent in feel it will work just fine.I also am curious what will will happen to Gwyneth. I do know those werebeings will not kill her!

>I like it, but like Cheryl I don't really read this kind of stuff, so I have to admit I had a hard time getting to each point. But I will say it kind of felt like a movie, and a bit of the Phillippa Gregory stuff [who I LOVE!] that I do enjoy, with the old historical fiction ways, minus the fairies and whatnot. ????

>I do loves the fantasy genre! And always I adore the politics that are ever-present in king making. I know you're trying to evoke a time, but the dialogue seems a little over formal to me. Maybe it's just prince lording over his follower. I must need to read more ???? And I want more Gwyneth and were-beings.

>I had issues posting this.. good thing I copied it first.—-Ok, I haven't read historical fantasy in a long time, so I'm going to view it more from general concrit view – my knowledge not extensive enough to help in fantasy.I enjoyed this, although it took a bit to get used to the names and who was what. Considering this was part of a larger story, I think you did a great job of breaking it down so it could survive on a single scene.This line is still a little confusing, "He wanted to make sure there was no doubt among the men, no traitors, and that all knew their part." You could tighten it up further to "He wanted no doubt among the men.."It should be "Galain asked" about the sister – switched tense.You use "that" and "tell" a lot in this passage: "Whoever finds her is instructed only to tell her that her father is ill. I want to be the one to tell her that he is dying when she returns.??? A simple rewording to: "Whoever finds her is instructed only to say OUR father is ill (it is his father too, right? not just hers?). I want to be the one to inform her he is dying."This also brings up another question. He was just saying how he wanted to tell her their father is near death when she's found, but in the next passage, it says she will never make it back there alive… It's a bit confusing.This line: "The only thing that could stop the wolf was death, and that was not easily accomplished." Could be tightened: "Only death could stop the wolf, something not easily accomplished." It eliminates more "that".This explains the jealous feelings so well: "He had been cloaked in her shadow for so long. Bitterness had deprived his capacity to love her." This entire paragraph shows his motivation very clearly.A good job, especially since it's just a piece of a larger work. Sorry I can't really help w/ the historical aspect of it.

>Such a dreamy quality to this story. I was captivated by this line, "He flinched slightly at the loud snap of her cosmetic case" I heard it so clearly that it kind of woke me up. So simple yet so full. Fun to read!

>I love your writing! Wow. Everything was so clear, from Blair to the tiny bottles to the bar. Your images are exquisite…can't wait to buy your book!

>"…she disappeared into the glass…" hit home with me! This was so well written, you are an inspiration!…:)JP

>A great piece. Her emptiness is matched by the empty bottles and glass after glass of booze.I felt there was a bit of a jump, or maybe a missing piece when she arrived at the bar. "Disappeared into the glass…" was this referring to another drink or the bar itself? I love the imagery of it being a drink…maybe move it further down in the piece when she is full on drinking and figure out another was to say how she entered the bar?

>Very smooth writing – this line made me giggle: "It was the perfect place for her to drown her sorrows without her business being spread faster than a yawn in a room full of insomniacs."Nice job!

>I think it reads very smoothly. Well done!

>I love the rhythm and flow of your words.Your details place me side-by-side with your characters; perfect!I loved this line: "her voice flowed in rhythm with the band playing on the opposite corner from the bar." -it read like poetry!

>I rode along this story as if on a river of vodka, so smooth (except for the mood piercing click of the compact, WOW!).Beautifully written, a gorgeously rich painted picture.And now I have more reading to do. I'm totally enthralled with this character.

>the musky scentI have always liked the way that sounds, not sure why but it just resonates with me.

>How fun you were able to add our character into your story ???? The saga continues. Thanks for joining us!

Oh man. I almost feel sorry for Blair!

My kids have done this to me and it does make me very mad. We have had some very LONG time outs and groundings as a result! I think you did a great job conveying what the child would do after unlocking the door. Kids are so helpful sometimes!

I have no doubt this is in my near future with an almost four year old and one year old. I already deal with antics such as my older son pulling down my pyjama pants and laughing wildly. Sigh. At least it made for a good post!

argh, my kid locked me in the basement one day, and when I demanded that he open the door, repeatedly, he would reply “I can’t, I’m too tired” Finally, my husband woke up from my screaming and I found the kid sitting on the couch chillin out! oh boy was I MAD!!! lol

LOL, short and sweet…just like the culprit, right?

I’m not sure what to suggest. Perhaps break it up into a couple of paragraphs? And you used purple twice within 2 sentences. Maybe find another way to describe the throbbing vein or the spotches on her face?

I would have actually like more about when you first discovered you were locked out. Emotions, feelings, actions?

I did have a good chuckle…thanks for being brave enough to share!

I just knew this wasn’t fiction! So well done!
I had that happen once, my son locked me in the garage, I wad so mad that I stood there pounding on the door getting angrier and didn’t think to go out the garage and around to a different door! Took me about 5 minutes! So there ya go, a laugh at my expense!

What a little booger! Lol.

Funny!
Children they can press your last nerve!!
Enjoyed this.

oh, the joys of motherhood! That whole second paragraph is my favorite, really well-written. I liked, “her fist screamed at the door” – Also, I really like the look of your site. I’ve been noticing everyone’s because I need to do a little work on mine ????

Haha! I hate to laugh at another mother’s expense, but it is funny. I noticed the purple thing, too. That’s honestly the only thing I’d change. It was nice of the little guy to give you inspiration.

I’m sorry…I had to laugh, but only because I’ve been there!

My son – the 2 year-old – locked me out too! He thought it was hysterical. Thankfully, my husband was inside and let me in. Next time, I might not be so lucky!

Funny! So far, that hasn’t happened to me. I usually lock myself out. =/

(stopping by from red writing hood!)

So far my son hasn’t locked me out, but my kid brother did once…

Wicked children.

Hahaha! Sorry, but that’s funny. I love that he pretended to watch t.v. like nothing happened. Good plan. ????

Ohmygoodness! This is so very powerful and emotional! I’m so happy that she was there for you. That you were open to her. Meant to be, yes?

Your last line? Perfection.

Loved the second paragraph “Life was an uncoated aspirin that always seemed to get stuck in my throat; the acrid taste ebbed on the shore of my tongue and refused to leave. Decisions I made in order to survive were whirlwinds of change, downdrafts of life???s tornadoes, most of which I was not prepared for.” Wonderful imagery. I can taste the bitterness.

Powerful post. Thank you.

Cheers.
VB

Ah, this sounds only too familiar.
These lines are so telling: “The abyss in my chest could only be filled by a man. The chasm that was usually filled up by the love only a father can give was left barren, decadent, denied.” I know it only too well. Well done.

Holy cow, Lady, powerful stuff!! You’ve got one amazing story to tell. I’m new to your blog but want to hear more. The ending went too fast for me. I’d like to hear more of that story:)
Loved the line, “Life was an uncoated aspirin that always seemed to get stuck in my throat;” Powerful and revealing. I lived that life too, sista!!

There are so many raw and powerful posts on TRDC today that I feel like all of my comments are starting to sound the same.

I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you, and I’m sorry that you had to go through it. But I love that you are able to look at those intervening years and discover that you have found those things you sought and needed.

I am so glad you decided to write this. It is raw and honest and I love how you ended it w/ your current happiness filling that abyss – and filling that cap and gown.

I too loved the second paragraph, really strong imagery. The whole piece left my heart aching until the end. I’m so glad the hole has been filled.

Also, love the new header and sig. ????

What a beautifully honest post! I could absolutely see your grandmother. And so wonderful to hear that Happiness takes the place of the cap and gown!

Very fun! Sometimes, it is a very good thing children are cute — extends their mortality to another day. ????
LOVE the striped witch legs in your header — made me smile.

oh, she is EVIL. I don’t want her to get her happy ending.

I think you slip out of your POV here and there. The one where Regina’s face lights up sounds like it is an Omniscient narrator, not Regina’s POV. Should be easy to fix ????

I’m not experienced enough to pick up on any writers critique stuff yet but as a reader I was uncomfortable with Regina but at the same time intrigued by her when you brought in her charm bracelet, which just knocks on the head all stereotypical ideas of charm bracelet wearers. Despite being slightly repulsed by her I do want read more.

My favourite sentence was ” Her mind spun wool as her fingers traced the charms dangling from her scarred wrist with familiarity.”

Thanks for a great read. ????

Vikki

I love the part about the instruments and her lucky charms! Really well done.

Also got sucked in to your previous post about the twins. WOW!! What an experience!!

Yikes!
The charm bracelet thing? Super creepy.

And yay for villains and happy endings! (Though I suspect in both of our cases our villains endings may turn before their time is up.)

I wear a charm bracelet(filled with so many charms I love) , and all of my favorite watches are charm bracelets too….I love the way they look and sound on my wrist, but having hers be a Place she puts charms for her sister’s misfortune is GENIUS and I may never look at my wrist the same again.

she is a really bad person and I LOVE HER!!!!!! This was so wickedly good. ????

Oh. My. God. My jaw was on the floor. Sisters? OMG! Who is she talking to? What is in that desk? And why is she so evil? So many questions. I like where this is heading. ????

eewwwwwwww~ This one is a real creeper! Nicely written. All the details-her hateful appearance, the charms, her glee-all build together one rotten villain!

Intriguing story line. Did you redecorate the place since my last visit? I am kinda in love with your new banner.

You know I love this installment! Very sexy!

[…] new piece comes some point after this piece. […]

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I couldn’t help thinking of life in relation to death either. I like the way that you used that. I like that life is a choice here. I like that love continues to ask the impossible.

Oh she has to live! What an interesting take, I love that you took it almost into another world!
Love this!

She can’t die! She can’t give up! No no nooooooo!

I’ve been there wanting someone to live so badly. I hope she does.

Interesting take on this prompt! Nice imagery, nice tension. I was getting stressed out reading this.

I liked this piece. It gave me a feeling of helplessness…that I couldn’t do anything to help Blair but wanted her to live so bad.

Sigh. Beautiful and sad and helpless. Well done! The doctor’s shaking their heads, seemingly clueless to the ripple of the sheets. What a powerful and intimate image. I feel like I was allowed into a very private moment.

This is very good! I especially like those last few lines with the italics and pull of it. So good!

Oh stephanie stephanie… this is sensational. I loved the way you have ended this piece. There is so much of the thrill that flows in this piece. Good work. ????

Happy weekend

Oh, so sad. Full of emotion. Well written.

I think I’ve missed a few pieces to the puzzle. I feel slightly at a disadvantage, as I spent most of the read trying to figure out who wanted whom to live. I understood from the room, etc that Blair is in the hospital, but the POV seemed a little cloudy.

That said, the emotional punch is definitely there, and you’ve answered the prompt strongly. Life and death are inextricably wound together, aren’t they?

I think you did answered the prompt, beautifully. Funny, I’ve written a similar piece to yours for this prompt. Like minds…:-)

The second half of the piece touched me the most. I felt it all: his sorrow, her sadness, her stillness. I loved the way you used your words so efficiently here to get the emotions across.

Oh my, so it took me long enough to get over here, but it was worth it. This was perfect. I loved so many of the descriptions and the picture of them in the dark and then in the morning.
I literally gasped at the part when the screwing stopped and the sleep started. Wow!!!! This is really good.

In that place between death and life, I think it would be just like this. A coma of feelings and thoughts, some real, some imagined. You did a fantastic job of drawing that picture, of having us willing her to Live next to Louis. I love this story!!!

Love is really the only thing that will mend her, can’t wait to see where you take Blair and us!

I really liked the ending- I thought it was strong- could hear the beeping of the machine.

Emotional, sad, eery, powerful. Yes, that.

My favorite line: “His love, his warmth, his scent were all craved by her soul.” because it reeks of true love.

Oh, I love this story! I love the deep romanticism in this piece and the idea of one true love that you pull throughout it. So many good bits. One of my favorites is this, “A touch of wind was his caress; an itch of her lips was his kiss. His eyes would moisten, and a raindrop would fall.” Lovely.

Oh, I love this! Yes, she must live, if she loves him, she must live!

Visiting from TRDC

This was so sweet and so sad. I was so heartbroken when she said no, but he took it so well. I can’t help but wonder what’s holding her back? You described his nervousness very well. The only thing that bugged me was “her eyes did a 360” I get that she rolled her eyes, but would it be 360 or 180?
Another great piece with the potential for growth!

I really like how you describe things. As I read the words, I visualize what you’re writing. I could hear the couple at the other table gasp and feel their anticipation as well.
I agree with mommylebron on the eyes and the description of what she did. I wasn’t sure what that meant. (and you know I tried to do that to figure it out.)
You’re great at keeping the reader in suspense, wanting to know what’s next!

Ok, I think a tear just formed, no really. This is so beautiful, I love the story and of course I’m crazy for love stories. You write so well. I love the dialogue, as I read I felt that I was there hearing the conversation…marry her, marry her!!! ???? Just kidding.
Can’t wait to read next post.
Barbara

Well, darnit! You sure left us hanging there. Great job so far.

Gotta read more! Great job.

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My only experiences with Charlie’s Angels was through the movies. I never watched the show since it was a bit before my time ????

I love the description of your “adventures”. I climbed many a tree in my day…brought back memories

[…] is a continuation of the story started for the Indie Ink Writers Challenge posted here, and a response to the Bloggy Moms Writer’s Workshop prompt: You discover a huge hole in the […]

I’m interested to see where this one goes!

They are not going to be able to sleep tonight!

Awesome, I Like! More! More! ????

OHHHHH Charlie’s Angels!! Another one of my favs….I remember watching it when Farrah was on, I so wanted hair like hers! I think we woud watch this and then Dukes of Hazzard! lol

I LOVED Charlie’s Angels! You perfectly captured after school with friends- complete with Bon Jovi, a show, and pretending to call boys!

Oh man! I have to wait to find out what happens?

I read your prompt and I immediately wondered what you would have come up with. Super creative to use the words as nicknames! Great story, I hope to read more!!

[…] a YA setting. I’m incredibly nervous as this is the 3rd part of a continuing series that began here and continued […]

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Gosh, I kept on picturing them with accents ( Ian had me watching Battle for Los Angeles with aliens and what not the other night)… felt like I was in a movie!
Great step out of your comfort zone, I am going back to work on a post on something mundane like blog lists, or trolls or something ????

http://www.bywordofmouthmusings.com/2011/07/friday-here-you-are.html

I’ve never encountered Steampunk and now I’ve read two pieces of it ????

I like the premise of this, it’s definitely a great storyline. I found the beginning to be choppy and some of the sentences were a little long. You could probably cut some of the excess description and have it be just as strong.

I loved the Time Keeper. I have this picture of a massive man, almost like a carved statue, standing guard over the portals of Time

[…] Dili challenges The Drama Mama: The HJP Club […]

I loved the Harry Potter reference and smiled my way through this entire piece.
I can’t wait to read more- wonderfully written!

p.s: came by way of II.

The fighting description sounded a little stilted, but it was still an excellent story. You did not seem uncomfortable at all, however. I wanted to read more!

I think you can’t reply to the previous comment because she replied to the one before her. ????

This was interesting, I liked some of it, but I do agree that the beginning seemed a bit long. I’m not a huge fan of these kinds of stories, so I often have a rough time “Attaching” to the character(s) and with more words and sometimes unneeded details I get a little bit lost and then find myself skimming to move on and catch up. Like the story runs ahead of me and leaves me trailing, maybe?

I loved the last paragraph. This sentence and part of the next:
“His eyes were human enough, though, and that was all the Time Keeper needed to know as their blades connected. Muscle against steel,”

Perfection. That muscle against steel line was like music.

My brother has written an entire Steampunk novel, so I’m a little familiar with the genre.

I liked the image of the Time Keeper and also the fighting scene. The beginning, especially the paragraph, was way heavy on description/long sentences and I got really bogged down.

Steampunk is fantasy (mostly) so I’d think it’d be right up your alley!

I am familiar with Steampunk, but not an avid fan of it. This piece may have turned me. Like others have said, it is a little bit slow at the beginning, but I understand why. It’s hard to cover so much with 600 words. It was almost necessary for such a short piece.

There was a slight hesitation at the start of the fight, but I loved that part the best! I love how so many people are able to do so much outside of their comfort zone.

Can I just say that I found this bit of writing to be very cool!? So happy to have stopped by.

I love this! I work in a library and there are a few ladies who would just eat this up, I’ll have to pass the link on to them. They love reading stuff like this and while I usually wouldn’t pick this type of writing off the shelf, it was written really well. It definitely kept my attention and I want to continue reading it! Now it makes me want to start reading some books I never thought I’d like…

Ooh you totally went for something brand new- YAY! I’m not familiar with this genre, so I’ll be learning from YOU!

I loved phrases like this -a macabre dance of sparks- beautiful wording, so full of imagery!

I love Steampunk. Totally not brave enough to try it! I love the gears and clocks and the train references… and then robots and fencing!

I thought it was very filmic, too.

Maybe I’ll give it a shot one of these days. You make me brave!

this was really good and I totally enjoyed it! Thanks for stopping by and visiting me as well!

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Good for you…a courageous step out into the unknown. I admire anyone doing this sort of writing when it is not something that they know intimately. Bravo!

I had to go back a few times in the beginning to see if I had the right figure in mind as I read. I liked the Time Keeper. To me, he was like a benevolent Watchman (Not intended as a pun!) He’s the guy I would have run to the minute the figure appeared on the horizon.

Well done – AND – look at how well you take input. That says a lot about you. Take a big bow!

I love it! I even love the name The Time Keeper – it just implies mystery and I want to read more. Great job on this ????

What a great blog find. I’m a major sci fi fan and an admirer of steampunk. I’m writing a sci fi story, it’s here: http://lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog.wordpress.com/crazy-robot-stories/ it’s a working title so, humor me,
I like the pacing and “wordy” middle. You have to explain some things because of the genre. There are some sentences I would shorten, maybe some words you could substitute, but that’s picking nits in my opinion.

The Time Keeper is an excellent character.

cant wait to read more. hope you come back to mine.

I have never heard of this genre before, but after reading this piece, I may just become a fan!

I really like the Time Keeper character- it feels so dark.
Your description was fantastic- I could picture every action as I read along…

really good!

I’m really enjoying this one, didn’t get a chance to comment on the others yet. Love that you’re changing up your genre. ????

Cool nicknames! Some of the dialogue flowed really nicely, but a few lines felt a little stiff. For example, the paragraph starting “Natalie helping Mr Thomas” – maybe more contractions would smooth it out? This reminded me of a Babysitter’s Club Mystery; I’m curious to read more!

???Time needs no keeper, man does.”

I love that sentence!

I could see and hear the duel going on!

Sorry – I finally made it back to give con crit! I liked this (fascinated by the genre! unaware until now). The only thing I have to note that I wondered about was some of the sentence structure for YA. I definitely think you should incorporate some complexities, but it seems like it might be a little more intensive reading than a teen would like. That said, it’s been 15 years since my Adolescent Lit class in college, so maybe the kids are more evolved today. ???? If you know any teens, you might have a couple read it to get their feedback before you get too far along.

wow, it was amazing Steph. I signed up and voted. Do you think it would be ok for me to post there, my writing? I don’t want to step on any toes.

Can I vote every day? The story was so vivid, I felt the money hit me. It was that powerful!

[…] from my WIP titled Weathered. You can find links to all the parts here. This picks up shortly after Louis. […]

[…] from my WIP titled Weathered. You can find links to all the parts here. This picks up shortly after Louis. […]

You incorporated the prompt elements seamlessly. You’ve created a very intriguing story.

This piece stands strong on its own, a sign of good writing. ???? Your characters are vibrant, your words seamlessly narrate an engaging tale. You are developing a very intriguing plot and I am eager to see how this story continues to unfold. Nicely done!

Nice post. I never watched charlie’s angels but I can definately see the appeal it would have on young girls. It’s nice you have fond memories of you and your friend playing Angels.

I definitely want to hear more. Very intriguing.

You know I love this story. I loved the details, the cicada, the sweating water glass, it really made the story vibrant and real. I know they were part of the prompt, but you wove them into the story beautifully and made them work.

I loved this! It was nice to see what we take as every day life from a different perspective. You captured how strange and unsettling it would be to wake up in a different world than our own and trying to take it all in.

“Feet pounded the steel like hooves of thunder”. Love that description. I could hear it.

Belied the ring in her nose. Liked that detail. Very intriguing!

Oh wow Steph, I don’t even like sci fi and I found myself so engrossed in this story I completely ignored John asking me a question. It was so good…the details at the beginning were so vivid I could smell that subway car. Wow..your writing just amazes me with every new excerpt.

Oooh it’s so good. This story is so engrossing and mysterious, I love it.

It’s really coming together, I like the stealth of this piece od it, I was on the edge of my seat.

I wish I had more time to write, I want to join these challenges they sound like so much fun!

The descriptions are really good – brown prints, black scuff, thunderous hooves, the ring.

The think the feel of being awake in a different place. There’s confusion, suspense, and texture.

More please.

This is so great and mysterious, I want to know more!

Okay, first of all, I would have been here sooner if my Internet would have been more cooperative ???? But I just want to know what’s going to happen next. I can’t wait to read the next ‘chapter’ – the suspense is killing me!!!
Have a wonderful week,
Barbara

I love the way you write, as you paint pictures easily with your descriptive style and I feel as though you don’t go overboard like some of the established (published) writers out there who will remain nameless.

Lovely work!

[…] Kelly Garriott Waite challenges The Drama Mama: Weathered: Betrayal […]

OMG I wish I had more time because I can’t wait to go back to read the previous installments of this! I love it, Mama!

Loved the vivid imagery – I could completely picture the story. Nice work!

Whoa, you’re on ‘fire’ Steph…that was so intense that I’m glad I got my chilled ice tea before reading this. I think you could feel the anger and disappointment from her. But I so wanted to read what happens next…do they make up or do they go separate ways. Intense, passionate, fierce that’s how I describe your wonderful writing.
Hope to read more next week,
Barbara

I was holding my breath as she pushed to find out what she needed to know. I was hoping he wouldn’t disappoint her!
One of the things I love about your writing:???Tell me what you want. Is it a house? I???ll call a realtor tomorrow. Is it a new car? Fine. New clothes? Let???s go shopping!??? The green paper assault stung more than it hurt. The Presidents landed in soft falls at my feet.
I could feel his frustration in what he did. I could feel the disbelief and disappointment in her being at the receiving end of it!
The struggle of dreams and people changing in relationships!

Dang girl! That was as good as reading Stephen King!

Poor woman…expectations withering away under greasy fat and lipstick collars. I was wondering what the resolution would be and I’m not surprised to see that she killed him…however, didn’t she make it just a tad easy for the police to figure it out? Or is that the point? She went crazy and really, nothing matters anymore except the voice it silenced?

Oooh so good and you’re right the boys loved it…..it was totally preschooler approved!

It’s amazing how much vocabulary I learn every time I read your wonderful posts: metronome, svelte, and alight. Awesome job:)
Till next week,
Barbara

Loved this – great fun all round.

Hooray! I’m so glad you did it…and you’re right, both M and I are really difficult letters to remove! And sometimes you just need to let loose and be silly. ????

[…] Jason Hughes challenges The Drama Mama: Never Live It Down […]

It would be real easy to turn this limerick dirty like there once was a man from Nantucket.

Seriously, I liked how you were economical with the words yet maintained sensibility. This was a hard prompt and you killed it. Good job.

Thanks for liking Helene Troy.

I could totally see it as I read and thought how cool it would be illustrated.

Good job with a tough prompt!

I’m giggling. I love it

Very entertaining – I really enjoyed Fernando’s journey.

wow….that was fantastic! I reread it a couple of times…
the knife used to slice up…chills…

I’m very proud of your finished product! I was giggling as I pictured this surfer sloth and a splinter up his ass–LMAO!! I’m glad you were able to write the story and still eliminate a letter (which was the point–“m” and “i” were nothing more than my ideas of letters to eradicate) so as long as you did just that–avoid a letter–you have met the challenge, my fellow writer!! Good show!

Wow! This was surprising. I could see him clearly and feel the authors disgust. Well done!

Yowza!! I love creepy stories like this. Hmmm, cathartic? This must have been such a blast to write. I got the goose bumps all over at the end. Love love love it!!

Well well…your writing was fantastic and vivid. I hated this man and he’s fictional. I could see, hear and smell him and it was most unpleasant, plus the descriptions were so well done that I found my gasping while congratulating her.
Either way you write this kind of story so well that I’m a little afraid of you, chances are you know how to ‘hide the body’

Great job!!!!

you know…this almost fits the Red writing hood as well. Just the hint of sexual tension and the possibility of oh so much more at the end ????

I think my husband feels like this…often. I like this line a lot “I???d turn my head so you could see the eye roll, but I???m in the middle of a sentence. Horror novels don???t write themselves, you know.??? It tells me so much about their relationship.

OOOOOH, Steph, I loved this. LOOOOVED it.

It was sexy and real, so vivid, I could have been sitting in that room and almost blushed when she went to him. The last line: Perfection.

Fantastic take on the prompt! Very easy to relate to, writing or not, I think we’ve all done the blow off. I loved the sexiness you wrote at the beginning and the end. I may have blushed at the end. ????

I love how realistic this was. How many times have we been in a similar situation? Maybe not horror story writing, but maybe cooking or washing dishes, or just watching TV, and one partner approaches the other who’s too busy, but then gives in to temptation. Great job.

I absolutely adore this take!

It’s all too relatable and there’s so much to love- your uncanny ability to respond to two prompts, the description around the desk, the karate chop ending.

Girl? You nailed this one!

Deliciously sinister. I admit I had to finish it once I read she hated him. wow.

I thought it was a great response to the prompts, and definitely sexy—especially since when I’m on a roll, I know my husband doesn’t think writing’s sexy, but I do…

and everybody ends up winning then.

One tiny thing? Calvin. Makes me think of Billy Crystal’s “Ride me, big Sheldon!” speech from WHMS. I know it’s totally a shallow, subjective thing, but I went from *mmmhmm* to *uh-uh* at the name.

And yes. I know. That’s ridiculous.

[…] My Eclectic Book challenges The Drama Mama: Alive and Kicking […]

Nicely done – something about the beginning made me think she was going to incorporate him into some kind of real life horror! I think it was the thunder crack. So for me the happy ending was a twist.

By the way, I like your new layout!

I love the sense of high stakes in so few words.

I feel that way every time I run. ????

I don’t run, but I immediately thought of Childbirth, the only thing that threw me was the word “enemy” …but I loved everything about it.

have you redone this blog again??? I really like it. ????

I love the prompt this week! So much said in so few words. I love your choice of the word enemy instead of competitor, leads me to thinking running for his life instead of a race.

Makes me think of a horse race. Which makes me want a mint julep.

Love how so many scenarios are able to fit your words.

Arg–reminded me of cross country. Why did I ever think running to exhaustion was fun?

Nice image shoved into so few words.

Love the thrill of the race and seriously lady- love your new look!

I was never a great long distance runner and always felt the descriptions you used when I had to do it. lol. Nicely done.

love the determination and motivation in this! great job!

The finish line is never as close as it looks. Nice take on the prompt.

Definitely felt it was a race. I thought human but horse works as well.

I like the new look. But I don’t like having all the buttons and other stuff pushed to the bottom (hence why I haven’t gone that way ;))

first time here and love the blog layout. It’s awesome. your story in a tweet was incredible.

Love the pacing and wanting more! :>

That is how I feel in the last 5 minutes of my work out, without someone behind me! Perfectly put in so few words!

You just may have motivated me to put down my coffee cup (and my laptop) and head out for that overdue morning run!

I’ll be back to visit-

I’m glad to see that Blair still has that same fire. It would be a shame if this episode showed how weak she had become.

I loved the line about the “vultures” awaiting her. Very amusing.

[…] Are Talking About… Awakening{WIP} WeatheredFor the Love of Mice No Pirates Allowed! Who I Am […]

Love the dialogue

Glad you ended with that hopeful but cliffhangish line.

AS always, I’m in. Good job.

Your dialogue has definitely improved from piece to piece. It gets stronger, more realistic. I just have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach…that Anthony won’t be everything we hope he will be…that there is something I missed or vaguely remember from another segment.

Ack…

‘For every brick placed on her wall, her heart removed three’ Loved this line. sounds like her heart might just win this one. Great conversation.

I agree that your dialogue is true to life, and more importantly, balances between the internal and external currents. Meaning, you convey all of the various conflicts clearly.

Fun and intriguing!

I love the romance,t he inner tension, the outer drama.

I adore lines like -The silver that met her blue – they sound like poetry!

Go you!

I like the way you handled a character who’s obviously multi-faceted, but on the surface spoiled and (perhaps?) devious, but not malicious. The way she feints and parries is great; the dialogue is really strong.

Sweet. I could say more, but “Sweet” pretty much sums it up.

I liked the dialogue a lot. The pacing was good, as was the back and forth. Nice job!

I love the way it ended!

I went through all the past pieces again so I had a really good idea of what has gone on so far…I keep wondering if I am missing the deal with these patents that keep getting mentioned. Is there a piece that explains them??

This section does a good job of building the tension. The plans are being set and moving forward. Not good for Blair.

My only critique is the long pieces of dialogue. It feels like too much at once from each character. Maybe break it up with something? Or perhaps edit the dialogue down?

I will say that your writing has really improved from the earlier pieces of this you posted a year or so ago

I like how you tied this week’s prompt into an ongoing story. I’m going to go back and read the stories before it. Can’t wait to find out what this is about.

I think that was very good, esp considering how outside of your comfort zone it was… I esp loved how we were to think of natural processes as a game, giving life and joy to an otherwise annoying (at least for me!) part of nature… I hate the wind, LOL!

Nicely done…that was bloody good.

swoon

My favorite author, my favorite style, my favorite sentence structure.

You killed it. It was was strong. Now we rest.

This is simply lovely. Excellent work!

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I’ve never read Hemingway before but this makes me want to.

Yeah, you totally killed it. I wish I could give you something constructive, but can’t think of anything. I thought you just knocked it out of the park, especially since it was so outside your comfort zone.

Awesome!! What a great take on the prompt. I don’t think I could have handled it anywhere near as well!!

Awesome DM! The motion and the emotion you created was very good. I???m going to have to google Hemingway???s theory but you’ve have risen to the challenge elegantly.

What a cool prompt! And I enjoyed what you did with it. Makes me want to sit outside and write.

Wow, for being outside of your comfort zone (and I would have totally been there as well) you did an amazing job. Beautiful and sad.

I’m not familiar with Hemingway much but regardless, I enjoyed the feeling of this. The floating, the sense of play.

very pretty piece

I used to be nervous when prompts were so far out of my comfort zone, but I’ve learned that it always ends up well. ???? I love your piece. Thanks for being brave and writing it.

This piece has me a touch conflicted. In the beginning I assume Blair is thrilled to see Anthony again, in fact she expected him, hence the “play it off as a coincidence” that she was showing up at breakfast. With that in mind, I found it confusing that she would be embarrassed about her appearance. If she “knew” he would probably be there, she should have dressed more appropriately if these clothes weren’t the norm for her.

But then you have her angry that he is there and begin forced to stay looking the way she is. So…confusing ????

I do like the light-hearted nature you created at the end. A lot of tension between Blair and her father seems to have evaporated. And I’m liking Anthony.

Something not related to this piece specifically, but the story overall is I have completely switched on how old I see Blair as being. When I first began reading these pieces I assumed she was older, like 40’s, maybe even pushing 50. I’m not sure why exactly. And so the romantic interludes seemed out of sync with my impression.

Now, I’m thinking she is late 20’s, early 30’s…an adult trying to make her way without daddy. However, the episode in the hospital made me want to ramp up her age again. I assumed she had a heart attack and that’s not exactly common for younger people.

Have I confused you?

That’s awesome how you started with the nursery rhyme saying and end up with such a great story. You’re a genius ???? I do have to go back and read the other stories because I was a little lost about what had happened before.
As always, I love your vocabulary.
Wishing you a great weekend,
Barbara

I like Anthony and the relationship Blair seems to have with her father. Seems like she’s got something good about to happen. I hope.

That was an amazing challenge and an amazing response. I can picture that leaf floating in the wind. Especially enjoyed your ending.

I think you did a great job, for being out of your comfort zone. You personified the wind, made it child-like. That was really cool!

I love the parts between Blair and her father; it seems like they are falling into a comfortable place, and the tension eased a little ???? And I do like Anthony ????

Oh my this is poetic. I adore the license tat you took making the wind sad.

{You rocked it. NOT out of your league!}

I really enjoy reading your pieces and have stopped by after not reading in awhile.

I love your writing style and will be back.
Also, I nominated your blog for the versatile bloggers award. Check it out at my blog…http://gleaninggrace.blogspot.com/2011/09/award-for-moi.html

I was right there with Anthony in terms of his observances of Blair and her father, but when he smirked, the choice of that word made me instantly dislike/distrust him, and I wasn’t sure that was the intended response.

There’s a stew of family politics unser this fairly placid scene, though, and I love the tension it provides.

I’m glad I read the comments because now I won’t ask the same questions..and knowing she is in her 40s and #nthony is in his 30s is a piece of this that I like..look forward to the places that will take us (sort of like Diane Keaton and Keanu in Something Gotta Give)
I would change the word smirk at the end, I knew what you wanted to convey but the word is negative…it should be positive as he looks at His Blair.

Great job…loving this story!

A very well written piece and one I can relate too!

Great story, any idea where Anna is now? I’d totally be internet stalking to find her now!

Oh, I’m sad that you lost touch with someone who was so important to you in this growth of technology ???? It’s amazing how much things have changed from those early days.

First, I’m so, so sad that you lost touch with her!

Second, I love that movie. Like a lot. Maybe an unhealthy amount? ????

And third, yes. The relationships and friendships and community are breath taking, aren’t they?

YES!!! This is exactly how I feel..that I grew right alongside the internet…and met people who mean so much to me even if I never get to meet them. I love the way this piece took us on a journey just like that!

Wow, this is so good, the stream of words and feelings. I felt the pain of being that broken clock, the loss it is suffering as it ages and grows silent. It reminded me of an old woman in a rest home, just playing out her days, each day taking a little something more from her.

It was just spectacular.

These online connections, unimaginable 15 years ago (for me anyway), are some of the most genuine and real friendships we make, even though we never meet in person. It’s a strange and wonderful thing.

Nice post. I’m so glad you didn’t say Shadow Wolf Eyes died, I was so afraid you were going to when you mentioned her illness. I’m sorry you lost touch. That’s the thing about online friendships, they’re entirely dependent upon (often) unreliable technology.

I never actually saw that movie, but I heard it was great. I really liked this piece!

I am sorry that you lost touch with your online friend! I think that the internet is a great place to try on new hats and meet new people, but it’s nice to have a community, too!

I was always jealous about that stupid “You’ve got Mail!” announcement. I SO WANTED TO HAVE AOL!!! But I’m Canadian. No AOL in Canada. At least not when the internet made it’s debut to the unwashed populace ????

Too bad you couldn’t track down Anna. Maybe someday she’ll find you

I like the POV of the clock and the sadness you’ve evoked with its feelings of uselessness. I feel so sorry for the poor thing.

Some critiques: the word cuckoo is overused a bit perhaps in the beginning. And I think you might be mixing tenses. It seemed to switch from a present to a past tense now and again.

There’s some unnecessary words sprinkled throughout that could be cut and strengthen the piece. For example: “I don???t know how much time has passed but the voices are back though I cannot understand them anymore.” You could break this into 2 sentences and lose the word but. Or this one: “It is too often too quiet of late, I must confess.” You could drop the first ‘too’ and it flows better.

Interesting piece, as always ???? Oh BTW, I am SO GLAD I wasn’t stuck with the prompt you came up with this week. That was just EVIL

Hey Drama Mama,

I could feel the sadness and passage of time. Lovely. And, what an interesting concept; to tell it from the clock’s point of view.

–Feisty Cat

Amazing how friendships form from just words on a screen. I don’t know what I would do without being able to get online now.

I really like that you went with the POV of the clock. Very creative. I think you conveyed the feeling of loneliness and helplessness nicely.

DM, you never cease to surprise me. I???ve only done this for about 9 weeks, but each week I read your pieces and each time I am amazed at the depth of your imagination and your willingness to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone.

I could feel the clock???s sadness as well as (her) hope that the inevitable just might be somehow be averted, but alas. Great post!

holy moly. you’re amazing! such a wonderful idea to go with the pov of the clock, yet i still felt every emotion on such a personal level. poor guy. but wow, wow, wow. fantastic job with this one.

[…] Kayla challenges The Drama Mama: The Weight of Silence […]

I like it. I can feel her pain and anger.

I know this is fiction, but it’s almost as if I could see Regina in all her fury and the whole scene you described here playing before my very eyes.

Nothing hurts more than to be denied the love of a parent. The pain cuts deep; my heart tightened as I read this.

Wonderful writing. Really, you’re a pro!

Oh my the anger the passion absolutely flies {and rages and punches and kicks and screams!} from the screen. I’d say? You got your message across loud and clear!

“She doubled over as a wave of pain surged through her body; her voice suddenly silent, her mouth left gaping,”

I like this because this demonstrates showing. This really helps us picture her emotional state in our mind’s eye.

Can I be honest? She’s so angry and abrasive that I almost see why the father picked Blair. She’s in an angry state indeed, but she seems to be a bit nasty, too. Could you soften her? Maybe less pounding and more tears, trembling?

She herself may not be there yet.

You did a wonderful job of a showing pure, unadulterated, blow out of loss and betrayal. I really felt for this woman, even if I’m glad I wasn’t standing in front of her in this state.

It was how you presented her with no excuses that made this story so powerful for me. I’ve felt this rage before myself. It isn’t nice and it isn’t comfortable, but it is real.

I hope this character resolves some of this pain and is able to release it because it’s holding her down. I have a feeling you will take care of that, but letting me see her naked pain and anger is an important part of really seeing this character.

Ooohh, a new prompt site? I’ll have to check this out.

Onto the piece, I love how Blair gets herself sorted so quickly, it definitely speaks to her confidence.

Bill is a question…he is secretly working AGAINST her, right? Working with Regina? Is he a love interest for Blair, is he romantically involved with Regina? Have I missed some backstory about him? I was pretty sure I’d read it all ????

Regina is a very angry woman. You’ve already portrayed the evil, the vile, and the nasty aspects of her but this. This is her true self being revealed.

I actually feel a little sorry for her. She just wants that acceptance. Unfortunately she is going about it the wrong way by trying to sabotage Blair.

Have you written her backstory yet? Do we know why Blair’s dad doesn’t beleive she is his daughter?

This was a carefully written piece and well thought out.

Oh this was really wonderful, the suspense holds you and all the questions it brings up make it such interesting reading.

I have more respect for Blair with every piece, she is just such a strong character…and you write her beautifully even in her dark mements.

She scares me and I suppose that is the point. I’ve read the comments and so I am a little disappointed that there is no redeeming qualities in her, I look for the good even in the evil and if she has none, then I can say that you are writing her perfectly, with no exception. The rage, despair and utter betrayl she feels is so apparant I felt the puches intended for Bill.

Really enjoying this story sweets

Oh so intriguing. I can feel the pots stirring.
Glad to see you here.

Oh, she’s so angry. I’m sad to hear that you haven’t “found” any redeeming characteristics within her yet. Hopefully one of the layers finds something a little softer, because even a villan needs to have a little something human, I think ????

I am enjoying learning more and more about Regina. I can definitely feel her pain and her anger! Excellent job!

Very unique, and it offered so much to think about!

The knife-edge of anger and bitter mirth is a delicate one, and here I feel like she’s slipping over into madness. If that is the intent? Brilliant.

The ending, with its stone-cold fury, is icy and blazing and wonderful. Well done.

Go you and your story and your words! XO

I really liked this installment…wow Regina is just evil and bitter…but the way you write her is truly amazing. This was no exception.

Wow, wow, wow. I felt like the wind…I was breezy and light and floating. Great job!

Everything worked! I loved it!

every single line was just riveting, I couldn’t take my eyes away.
His “frau” what a wonderful word to give us…and” I am from the townhouse filled with hillbillies and Monday Night Football with Bocephus and the Super Bowl Shuffle. From gullies filled with sky high adventure, and secret spots underneath the willow tree.”
I loved…it told me so much about your household, how very alike we all are underneath.

WOW, my friend, you always steal my breath when you write.