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  1. no Comments

    sara

    >My computer has gone wonky so I don't know if my first comment went through, but mostly I was saying…A one stop shop for your stories…hooray!!And I'm honored to be the first follower. I feel special ????

  2. no Comments

    Just Another Mom of 2

    >So exciting! I am looking forward to reading all you have to share. I adore this name! Happy story-telling!

  3. no Comments

    Mama Kat

    >Look at you and your fiction writing skills! I'm impressed! Love this and definitely want to know what happens next!

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    The mad woman behind the blog

    >Wow.Just wow. I really loved this story.Okay, that's not helpful. I know X is the hardest letter to use but your word choice broke up the rhythm of your writing, making the word stick out like a sore thumb. Does "Xanax in hand…." work?Feel free to strike my comment.

  5. no Comments

    Stephanie

    >Noted. Thanks for the tip! I worked it in. Great suggestion.

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    Nancy C

    >A heartbreaking story. I agree that as a whole, the letters flow naturally. I loved the flashback, and the way you weaved details about that little town in so seamlessly. Are you working on a novel about that diner? There's totally one there. Visiting from RDC

  7. no Comments

    Cristina

    >beautiful story telling. I agree with what has been said, it flowed so well.visiting from RDC

  8. no Comments

    Sluiter Nation

    >amazing post! I love how if you didn't highlight the letters? I would have forgotten that this was the alphabet prompt. Such a powerful post!

  9. no Comments

    Carrie

    >Great minds think alike! I highlighted my letters too :pThis was really well done, it flows so well that like Sluiter Nation, I'd never have realized it was following the prompt.Visiting from Red Writing Hood

  10. no Comments

    Valerie

    >This is so beautiful and so sad! What an excellent piece of writing!

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    (Florida) Girl

    >I see more growth in your writing every time I visit. Good job on a tough assignment.Stopping by from the red dress club.

  12. no Comments

    varunner

    >I can see it all so clearly – the hospital, the storm, the….xanax. Very powerful piece.

  13. no Comments

    Not Just Another Jennifer

    >Nice job with Xanax! Really well-told.

  14. no Comments

    whispatory

    >We got to go so many places and through so much time in this short piece. The characters are very well developed and I was sad to get to Z.

  15. no Comments

    sara

    >Oh how awful I feel for Becca. And how much do I love that you used inclement weather. I have no idea why, but it's one of my favorite phrases. Amazing as ever…

  16. no Comments

    Liz

    >I love that you have a dedicated site just for writing! How hard was it to write and work in every letter of the alphabet?

  17. no Comments

    Cheryl

    >Love the new site, Stephanie! I liked this, how so much happened in such a short time.

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    Erin

    >Wow! That story gave me chills!!

  19. no Comments

    eof777

    >Very interesting subject matter… Is this semi-autobio? fiction? Enjoyed it! :-)Stopped by from MamaKat's Writers Workshop to read your selection, say hello and wish you a very happy 2011!Best,Elizabeth

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    Melissa

    >Wow!! :o)

  21. no Comments

    The Empress

    >The rhythm and flow are so peaceful. I hope it isn't a true one, Please?But, very peaceful and the Alphabet works effortlessly there.Thank you for the quietness with your post today.

  22. no Comments

    Ratz

    >Oh this is heart breaking. ????

  23. no Comments

    Stretching My Imagination

    >Stopping by from Mama Kat – and go you for writing a piece of fiction from the week's prompt! I love it, and definitely want to read more. Wonder, what is a "Weathers"? Hope you keep going with this scene ????

  24. no Comments

    Cook of the House

    >I really enjoyed reading this sad story!

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    Pepca

    >Wow. What a heart-felt, sad story, I really liked it.

  26. no Comments

    Natalie

    >Loving the new site! It's something I've been thinking about doing, too. If the letters hadn't been highlighted, I would've never caught on to the alphabet – it flows beautifully! Love the story, but then again, I love all of your writing ????

  27. no Comments

    Melissa

    >Ah, the desperation in trying to prepare something nutritious and delicious to feed to a screaming, hungry baby. Nicely done!

  28. no Comments

    Home In The Hollow

    >That's GREAT! You even included the idea of measurements!!! You devil you!…:)JP

  29. no Comments

    Valerie

    >This is good! And the rivalry between a mother and a mother-in-law…so true to life!

  30. no Comments

    Carrie

    >This is why I never even ATTEMPTED to make baby food. I knew I'd be the one crying in the end :)Visiting from RDC

  31. no Comments

    notesfromnaptime

    >I love how you capture the different feelings of motherhood – all so intense – in this post. I feel like I'm in the room with these two women.-Callie

  32. no Comments

    Sluiter Nation

    >I know this frustration…that no one is listening to a simple request. This was a wonderful take on the prompt! Love it!

  33. no Comments

    Stacey

    >I love your take on the prompt. I must say, I've never even considered making my own baby food, but I admire those that do. It's hard to do anything when the baby is crying for food!

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    Cheryl

    >Making baby food is SO EASY. Poor X got gypped – he only had apples for applesauce!Fun take on the prompt!BTW, I will be forever grateful if you got rid of word verification! ????

  35. no Comments

    whispatory

    >What a great take on the prompt! I love that nearly the entire story was dialogue.

  36. no Comments

    Not Just Another Jennifer

    >Great dialogue! I love how she switches from Mom when she needs help to Mother when she's exasperated. So lifelike. ????

  37. no Comments

    varunner

    >I made baby food myself, and not too long ago. I think you really captured the MIL and Mom drama well. So was your chosen prompt item applesauce then? Or something else?

  38. no Comments

    Veronica

    >Oh I can feel the frustration and completely relate. This was wonderful!

  39. no Comments

    Jessica Anne

    >Loved this, I can feel Kelly's stress with a screaming baby in the background. Great dialouge too.

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    Ratz

    >OH! motherhood scares me off.

  41. no Comments

    Ericka Clay

    >Someone needs a Beaba Babycook! :pI so understand the frustration of this piece. They dynamic between mother, mother-in-law and the daughter is spot on. And I agree with Jessica Anne – great dialogue!

  42. no Comments

    wholly jeanne

    >Absolutely fun, crisply written, and believable. I love the clever use of ingredients, too.

  43. no Comments

    Nancy C

    >I love that there is so much said here without a word. That dynamic is true and strong. The rivalry, the dance that mothers and daughters play in conversation….so well done. This is why I think dialogue is the best way to show character…you've done it nicely here.

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    carina

    >Love it! ????

  45. no Comments

    eof737

    >Excellent and truly funny; I couldn't figure out a way to make that topic funny… You did! :-)Stopped by from Mamakat's workshop.Eliz

  46. no Comments

    Ratz

    >LOL… I have to mention though that this same guy was too adorable to resist in The Holiday… He was just too good to be true… and i agree with you he can be a bit overwhelming. I didn't like him much in Gulliver's Travels too… He was just way over confident… but The Holiday Jack Black, ah! I'd be friends with him any given day.

  47. no Comments

    Snuggle Wasteland

    >Ha! I might not be able to be friends with him but my kids think he's FANTASTIC!

  48. no Comments

    Kim @ This Belle Rocks

    >LOL, I love Jack Black! (But love Jack White so so so much more ;P )Just here via Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. Nice to "meet" you!

  49. no Comments

    sara

    >Agreed on all fronts. Sadly he does still make me laugh.

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    When did I become my Mom

    >Lol. I LOVE Jack Black. He's a nut.

  51. no Comments

    purseblogger

    >LOL! This is great!I have to admit I do like me some Jack Black. lol

  52. no Comments

    So Who Is The Crayon Wrangler?

    >Hilarious! Just the pictures alone would make me laugh, but your reasons…yep, I guffawed!

  53. no Comments

    Jill

    >LOL! That Yo Gabba Gabba episode is on all the time. I just can't look at him in that unitard!

  54. no Comments

    Carri

    >hahaha The pictures! I loved them. You know, I've never thought about this before, but he is incredibly annoying, isn't he?Visiting from Mama Kat's! ????

  55. no Comments

    kt moxie

    >Awesome post! I heard he asked to get his own orange DJ costume for the Yo Gabba Gabba episode. He doesn't wear it quite as well as the skinny guy!

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    BalancingMama (Julie)

    >Good one! Yo Gabba Gabba is bizarre! I can't imagine Jack Black on there.

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    The Empress

    >Oh, my kids love Jack Black. ANd I really think he was overlooked in Nacho Libre. He was wonderful in there. And he was charming in Holiday…he truly has a charming side.Sweet post.

  58. no Comments

    Carrie

    >I knew there was more than just a conversation between 2 people…I suspected it was one person talking to herself.The chaotic, frantic feel of the conversation definitely works here

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    The Empress

    >Oh, you have painted a perfect picture of crazy here. I feel all the frantic urgent energy of the situation and of the manic mind.Perfect. One spot that kind of jolted me out of the moment was the 5th paragraph. I don't think you need to say who is saying it.It is just fine on it's own. To say who is saying it, for me, jolts me out of the moment.

  60. no Comments

    tsonodablog

    >Oh, I like it. I love stuff like this. A little twisted, a little scary. Nice work!

  61. no Comments

    Tonya

    >Oh wow… what an awesome twist on the assignment. Really nice work. Creepy and scary, but nicely done.

  62. no Comments

    Erin

    >Ohhh I love it! Excellent!

  63. no Comments

    Ratz

    >This is nice but I got a bit confused in the middle… somewhere Let ol'Teach take care of you part… what happened there???

  64. no Comments

    Stephanie

    >Teach is supposed to be the "teacher" personality, the caregiver with a sharp tongue. Amber is the weakest personality, in need of comfort that bully Felice is not giving. So, Teach "comforts" her other self. It all works in Teach's favor as she ends up the dominant personality, Felice fading as Amber stands up to her, and Teach's stronger personality overriding Amber's.

  65. no Comments

    Pepca

    >Such a perfect mess. You createad the crazy atmosphere really well.

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    Nancy C

    >I agree with all the comments about the manic atmosphere. I love this world you're making, and I suspect Teach may be just as, if not more twisted than Felice. My thinking? I think you should actually use some of the descriptive language as descriptors instead of actual dialogue. For example, instead of: "How can I not laugh at you! You, with your flaming red clown hair? The black circles etched around your eyes and bleeding down your face. Your tawdry lips slashed with red goo. You? You embarrass me!" Felice sneered, "How can I not laugh at you!" She glanced at Amber's flaming red clown hair. Black circles etched around her eyes, bleeding down her face. Her tawdry lips were slashed with red goo. She leaned in, her voice slicing the air with ice, "You? You embarrass me?" I'm certainly not saying that's anything good, but just to show you what I mean. Way to go, Stephanie. You have captured my attention for sure.

  67. no Comments

    Cristina

    >oh, how I love me some crazy. well done!

  68. no Comments

    Amy

    >I think everyone likes a little crazy in their lives – especially if they're reading the crazy of someone else!

  69. no Comments

    A.L. Mabry

    >I loved this!Ok, first off I felt confused, but I seemed like that was intentional, I was supposed to be confused. Then at the end it pulled together nicely. I didn't realized we were dealing with multiple personalities; it was unexpected but realist. Does that make sense?

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      Stephanie Ayers

      yes, it does, thank you.

  70. no Comments

    Nichole

    >As I told you the other night, I absolutely love the ambiguity of this piece. Great job trusting yourself and your reader!

  71. no Comments

    From Tracie

    >This has the perfect kind of crazy-feel to it. Really pulls you into the character and the lack of control she has.

  72. no Comments

    Ashley

    >I was a little confused at first but by the end it definitely all made sense. What a great idea! Good job!

  73. no Comments

    (Florida) Girl

    >I feel something crazy coming on…Stopping by from the red dress club.

  74. no Comments

    Stacey

    >I sense a little crazy in this one! Great dialogue! Stopping by from RWH!

  75. no Comments

    Karen Peterson

    >I love the crazy! If this were a critique, I'd have to agree with what Nancy C said, although I suspect that you probably would have written it differently had it been a different assignment anyway.Very fun character(s) you've created!

  76. no Comments

    Veronica

    >Loved the crazy! It flowed really well at the beginning, then I was a tad lost, but it all came together well.I wonder if Mr. Jeffries is a real person, if so he better watch out!

  77. no Comments

    Erin

    >this was really dramatic and interesting—i was confused at first, then realized i was kind of supposed to be. i think you did a wonderful job with it and i'm a new follower. thanks so much for reading MY post today!;-)

  78. no Comments

    Jessica Anne

    >It was a little confusing in the beginning, but I think, based on the situation, it should be confusing. Love the crazy! Great job with the prompt!

  79. no Comments

    Cheryl

    >I get what nancy is saying, but of course this assignment was to do straight dialogue. Nancy's just trying to get you to cheat ;)You definitely do a good job with The Crazy. I think the problem is you're trying to stuff too much into each paragraph. Maybe less description would actually move things along faster, or make it a little less confusing.

  80. no Comments

    varunner

    >I really like this. So interesting and dark. If I had to critique anything, I'd just wonder about talking in that much description – just because you don't typically hear conversation that detailed. But then you are using unusual characters, so maybe it works for them!

  81. no Comments

    mommyshorts.com

    >I didn't see the twist at the end coming which is always fun. And using an all dialogue piece to depict multiple personalities is very smart. Somehow it makes sense that you wouldn't have any descriptive language in between the personalities sounding off to each other. That would just create a self-awareness that probably isn't there. Does that make sense?

  82. no Comments

    Kelly

    >Well done, the "crazy" really came through!

  83. no Comments

    Melanie

    >Wow! Nicely done – especially the twist at the end. I liked how your dialogue gave us insight on the character of each of the personalities and how authentic your dialogue was that it came across as if though two people were actually talking to each other.Good stuff! And nice to meet you again!

  84. no Comments

    Blue Moon Girl

    >Wow! Amazing! I didn't see the twist coming. Nicely done. I love the frantic nature of it.Here from Red Dress Club!

  85. no Comments

    souldipper

    >Aha! I had to read it a couple of times – I thought I was missing a key point. However, I finally accepted that it was 'mirror, mirror, mirror image'. A very new presentation of a very old condition! ????

  86. no Comments

    Callie

    >It seems like it would be hard to "write crazy" but you did such a great job! How'd you do it? The scene is frantic, and I think you did an amazing job of helping the reader to step into the mind of this character. What are you going to do next with this?

  87. no Comments

    Amber Page Writes

    >Very nice depiction of crazy. I love what you did with this!

  88. no Comments

    parentingBYdummies

    >I'd love to be friends with JB. We love Nacho Libre to pieces over here!

  89. no Comments

    Pampered Patty

    >Looks great so far! Keep going!

  90. no Comments

    Angelia Sims Hardy

    >Not sure how I missed your writing blog reveal, but I ADORE IT!And lovelovelove the Blair stories. Knowing her, it will not be good for Regina. Good stuff lady!

  91. no Comments

    Soge shirts

    >I enjoyed this story quite a bit. Blair is in the classic facebook dilemma. Reply to the comment and leave it up or delete it. Keep up the great writing.

  92. no Comments

    Jessica Anne

    >I just love Blair. Regina needs to watch out. Great writing and I love how you were able to use the prompt for your WIP. ????

  93. no Comments

    Joy

    >I'm sucked in already, and this is the first time I've visited your blog. Looking forward to the next one!

  94. no Comments

    Carrie

    >Well…that was quite the quick turnaround for Mama! "Sordid woman" indeed…though I guess not so bad if you get a grandchild out of it hmmm?

  95. no Comments

    squidmom

    >Lol, the sorid woman part caught my attention as well. Very good job fitting the joke in with the tears, (I thought it was hard to find a way to do but challenging)www.squidmom.com

  96. no Comments

    From Tracie

    >oooh intrigue!I wonder what broke them up…and where she disappeared to.

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    Jessica Anne

    >el-if-i-no, Ha! I was a bit confused myself why she would ask that and why he would know it. I'm guessing there's a bit I'm missing. ???? Can't wait to read more.

  98. no Comments

    Amber @ The Mom Road

    >I liked how you kept suspense about why the woman was there, it kept my attention.

  99. no Comments

    Mandyland

    >I'm thinking the joke was a "password" to verify that Thomas was the father? Maybe an inside joke?I wonder what happened to the mother…

  100. no Comments

    tsonodablog

    >Intriguing. Will there be more? Got my interest!

  101. no Comments

    Yuliya

    >I'm embarrassed at how long it took me to get the joke…I really had to sound it out…

  102. no Comments

    Ratz

    >Elfino! Oh my God. I liked the way you used the joke to decode that Thomas was the father… That's cool and smart. This piece was full of excitement.

  103. no Comments

    Jessica

    >Okay, had to read comments then go back to get the joke, love it, apparently l need them to be blinking right in front of my face. Great piece.

  104. no Comments

    Ericka Clay

    >Elifino – I have to use that joke now lol! I was wondering how this piece would turn out and I loved the surprise!

  105. no Comments

    (Florida) Girl

    >I think the plot line you chose is an interesting one. This feels like a cliffhanger… More to come?

  106. no Comments

    Andrea (ace1028)

    >I don't know if this was an edit, but I love how it was her favorite joke and that was how the woman confirmed he was who he was. I'm hoping, guessing, that she left a note with that on it, or something along those lines. The end left me a little bit empty with mom's turnaround (as someone else mentioned) but I loved the build up and the anticipation. I kind of wanted mom to go away and Thomas to talk to her by himself.

  107. no Comments

    Amy

    >This story left me wanting to know more! I did think Thomas seemed a little…nonchalant…about finding out he had a son, but maybe that was because his mother reacted so quickly.

  108. no Comments

    Nichole

    >Interesting story!I like the way you didn't show his reaction to learning he had a son, but shifted the focus to his mother…it confirmed my image of her being controlling. The only part that reads strange to me is this, "…Hilary looked around the open space, noting the attire of those around her, and feeling quite under dressed in the large, immaculate home for once." It makes it sound like the house was clean for once…but I'm sure that's not what you meant. :)Great job!

  109. no Comments

    whispatory

    >I love the idea of the joke as a password, it did feel a little forced and I was wondering why a state worker would go through this much trouble. What would have helped smooth that transition for me was Thomas remembering something or some moment which made that joke significant between him and Patience, or Hilary remembering the story that Patience told her. I love the 180 that the Grandma does, what a present for her, a grandchild with no mother.

  110. no Comments

    Christy

    >I do like how you left Thomas's reaction a mystery, but I was definately not expecting his mom to be so happy about it. Maybe there's another part to the story that explains why she's glad, because you would think the norm would be to be pissed off.Enjoyed reading your story!

  111. no Comments

    Sue

    >Twists and turns abound! I wonder how Thomas felt about the news?

  112. no Comments

    Karen Peterson

    >I really liked the way the mother went from "that sordid woman" to overjoyed at learning of a grandson. Really good turn.I was just a little bit confused about who Arthur is. I'm guessing that's Thomas's father? I just felt a little confused since he was listed in such a personal way and then didn't figure into the rest of the story.But I really liked the story!

  113. no Comments

    The mad woman behind the blog

    >I liked how the focus moved around to the various characters. 2 things: "intervened" Seemed a kind verb for the overbearing mother. And I realized we had word count constraints but her 180 was SO FAST. It didn't jive with the venom she spewed about Patience. (BTW, I do that too…always w/ the quick ending. I may be a male.)

  114. no Comments

    Sluiter Nation

    >I really liked the ending of this. My favorite was how the reader saw the mom's response before the man's…like Nichole said, this solidifies her as controlling.I felt like the joke was a password too…and then it wasn't. So that was a little awkward for me, but the joke itself? One of my favorites ????

  115. no Comments

    MultitaskMumma

    >Oh. That was soo good! I wish there was more!

  116. no Comments

    Elizabeth Flora Ross

    >I did not see THAT coming. I mean, I figured out why she was there, but the mom's reaction was unexpected…

  117. no Comments

    Ash

    >Love how she is happy to have an "heir" not an actual grandson. What a piece of work that one.Your words brought out a strong reaction in me, great job. One of my all-time favorite jokes too. I hope these characters reappear in another TRDC prompt. There's more to this story for sure.

  118. no Comments

    Natalie

    >I really like the last sentence – how it broke up the memory and brought her back to her real life. It's so sad and yet I want to read more of it. You can feel her anguish and when you can feel pain like that, (to me) that's good writing.

  119. no Comments

    Ratz

    >I think the title fits the piece perfectly… The emotions that must be going through Blair in that instant was so clear… it did not even require much words to understand… nice work. Just a suggestion Stephanie: I would like to see a lighter background for your post. The black background with the white font actually create an optical illusion and long continued reading seems difficult. Thought I would let you know. Have a great weekend.

  120. no Comments

    Stephanie

    >Thanks, Ratz. I took your advice. ????

  121. no Comments

    HonestConvoGal

    >I enjoyed the piece very much. I too like the last line. I have a bit of a bias toward less narration than you provide. For example, you say "her heart melted". I would prefer to see her physically touch her hand over her heart or see her eyes look down, etc. That said, it is purely a writing preference. I take "show don't tell" to the extreme. You are clearly and extremely talented writer and your story is cohesive and compelleing. My concrit is a matter of style. Keep up the good work.

  122. no Comments

    Jessica Anne

    >I love reading about Blair and this made her more human and likable for me, maybe just more sympathetic. I hadn't realized until I read this that I kind thought she was just a spoiled brat. ???? Your writing, as usual, is beautiful. You're able to draw me right back into the story every time, like I had just set the book down a minute ago.

  123. no Comments

    Cheryl

    >You captured well the melancholy of the moment.My one small concrit is in the first graph you say "spits" in the present tense, but the rest of the piece is in the past tense.

  124. no Comments

    Stephanie

    >@ Jessica Anne: She is a spoiled brat, but there are many layers to Ms. Weathers. I am only starting to discover them myself.@ Cheryl: Thanks for noting that. I fixed it. It is one of my worst faults in writing. I am terrible at tenses.

  125. no Comments

    Amber

    >I felt so sad for her, and I wanted to know more. I think I'll go up to the tabs and read some more about her.

  126. no Comments

    tsonodablog

    >Lovely piece. I enjoyed this one very much.

  127. no Comments

    Mandyland

    >What an intriguing character! I too loved the last line. I'm off to read more. ????

  128. no Comments

    Carrie

    >hee hee…I like #7 best

  129. no Comments

    Sandi a::k::a KnitMyRhino

    >cute! love the "tool" reference.

  130. no Comments

    Jessica Anne

    >Ha! Love the blackberry with included numbers and the tool. I mean tools. ????

  131. no Comments

    Mandyland

    >Hehehehe…LOVED the email address and the "tools". LOL

  132. no Comments

    Jen Has A Pen

    >Low mileage. ???? Love this!

  133. no Comments

    Jessica

    >Loved this and that you only need one "tool."

  134. no Comments

    singedwingangel

    >LMBO this seems to be a recurring theme today.. came by from teh RDC.. Love that he won't need it 6 feet under

  135. no Comments

    Mrs. M

    >This made me laugh, esp the "one tool is enough for me" line.

  136. no Comments

    sara

    >He can't watch it six feet under….ha! I wish I knew where that house was, I could use any of those things!

  137. no Comments

    Stacey

    >So funny. The tool reference was classic! Stopping by from TRDC

  138. no Comments

    Amy

    >Spectacular. #7 is great. Want to put that Mac Book on hold for me?

  139. no Comments

    MrsJenB

    >Very nicely done – told the whole story ????

  140. no Comments

    moveovermarypoppins.com

    >I've been wanting to upgrade my laptop…What was that super awesome email addy again?

  141. no Comments

    Yuliya

    >A $1? Dude you might as well make some money on this! The cheapskate in me weeps!

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    Home In The Hollow

    >I love the numbers already loaded in the Blackberry! Good job! You really sound pissed!…:)JP

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    The mad woman behind the blog

    >"Low Mileage"… LOVE.Oh yeah, you nailed this one.

  144. no Comments

    Cheryl

    >#7 was my fave..

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    Renee

    >Love the email address! It just says it all. Can I get the recliner without the dummy?

  146. no Comments

    Nancy C

    >Damn. I keep thinking of that scene from "Waiting to Exhale" where she set his car on fire. Never, ever eff with a lady!

  147. no Comments

    Jenna

    >LOL!!! I think my favorite part is the address and the email account! And comes with numbers programmed into the phone. Ugh. Hate the cheaters!!! great job ????

  148. no Comments

    Karen Peterson

    >The contact information is hilarious and I think #6 was my favorite.

  149. no Comments

    Brandon Duncan

    >"Numbers already added…" OUCH! That is funny, but wow!

  150. no Comments

    A.L. Mabry

    >I love the world you're creating here, you can just feel the magic!*LOVE*

  151. no Comments

    Jenna

    >awesome. just my kind of stuff too! well done ????

  152. no Comments

    Not Just Another Mother Blogger!

    >When will the book be published? This is great!

  153. no Comments

    Mandyland

    >Oooo…I love a good fantasy. Is there more of this story posted on your site somewhere?

  154. no Comments

    Bethany

    >Nice job!

  155. no Comments

    Jessica Anne

    >I love this story. I was swept up in it and can't wait to read more. You're creating such a deep world.

  156. no Comments

    Angie @ The Little Mumma

    >It's tricky for me to comment because I don't 'do' fantasy. I don't personally enjoy it.However, I think the way you have written this piece evokes the necessary 'other-worldliness' to truly take the reader into the magic.There were some issues with tenses though – it seemed to swap once or twice.Example:'Adren rides behind him,''Abaddon screamed in horrific pain as he plunged from the sky to the wooded earth waiting below.'Nice work.

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    Stephanie

    >Thank you. I have a terrible time with tenses. I think I fixed it. <3

  158. no Comments

    Cheryl

    >Good job on this, Stephanie. Fantasy is also not my thing but this kept me reading for sure!

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    CDG @ Move Over Mary Poppins!

    >Like Angie, I noticed some tense issues, but all easily fixed.It definitely has the sound of a ceremonial story, kind of formal, I imagine it as an inset in a chapter.I like it as a twist on the prompt.

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    Galit Breen

    >I loved the take that you rook on this- the magic, the adventure, the quite literally other world!

  161. no Comments

    Pamela Gold

    >What a way to respond to the prompt. While it was a short story I was hooked right in. The way you intertwined the sister's thoughts after she actually spoke makes this piece really pop!

  162. no Comments

    Tenetia

    >THAT was a good read!!!

  163. no Comments

    Bum Luxury

    >There are so many people out there like the needy sister. I'm sure many people can relate to both sides of this story!

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    Emily - Family and Life in Las Vegas

    >You are a talented writer! Thank you for sharing this – a very good and quick entertaining read! Love it!Stopping in from Bloggy MomsFamily and Life in Las VegasEmily

  165. no Comments

    The Lovely One

    >I love the interpretation of the quote! Great read!

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    Jessica Anne

    >You did such a great job making both characters sympathetic and relatable. My only concrit is just a style thing, my personal preference really, I'm not a fan of italics. Sometimes I think they're necessary for clarity, but I think that they were thoughts would be clear even without the italics in this piece. This is such a realistic depiction of the dynamic between sisters. Great job!

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    writingwithchaos

    >You created two characters and a very real relationship in few words.My issue was also the italics. You were writing in 3rd person, but you used first for those. It would have been less distracting to ditch the italics and just tell us her thoughts in the usual third person. When "she" showed up again, it threw me out of the story, because of the switched perspective.I love the description of sounds in the 2nd paragraph. "The shrill shriek of the cordless telephone could be heard through the thick wooden door. The key slid into the doorknob with the ease of familiarity and turned, producing a gentle click only heard between the rings. The door opened easily, its heaviness causing it to close slowly behind her." Slight tightening could strengthen it further: cutting out "could be heard" to "sounded/rang/echoed", elimating passive verbs.A great sisterly tale.

  168. no Comments

    Jessica

    >Oh so good, I want to know what happens next.Love the descriptions, so vivid. I love the line about the writing on the postcard.

  169. no Comments

    CDG @ Move Over Mary Poppins!

    >Oh! the intrigue!And a sinister woman in a fedora…Your description of the desk is wonderful. You dress your stage very vividly.

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    TheKirCorner

    >yes, yes, the descriptions are wonderful, I was running my hands across that desk with you…and I love the cliff hanging ending, this was fantastic. ????

  171. no Comments

    Jessica Anne

    >Ahh! Regina. I don't like her.I loved this. I love how clearly you show Blair's world view and so much about her life experiences with her insistence that everyone has a price. That little detail really told a lot about her character.I love the description of the desk too.Can't wait to read more!

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    Mommylebron

    >I LOVE this line: "It had been a busy week though, and she had found no time to really assess its full value." It is so telling of her character.This is a great piece and I can't wait to see how it plays into the story line.

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    Carrie

    >I always love your tidbits about this storyline.I found this a bit confusing though. Especially the end. It is Blair doing the narrating, correct? And who is she supposed to be waiting for? Louis? It was this line that confused me:"Three nights she had come, hoping that Blair would show up, only to leave empty handed"I'm sure a few edits would help. And maybe breaking up a couple of the paragraphs to read easier :)Oh, and this line? The words were an angry dog growling at an intruder after the warm "Welcome to the Bahamas" on the frontLOVED IT

  174. no Comments

    Erica M

    >Thanks for stopping by my blog and introducing me to yours. This draft is a great start. I can't wait to see where you go with it.

  175. no Comments

    Jack

    >I am intrigued and curious about where this goes. Twenty years later he resurfaces- that is interesting- all sorts of possibilities.

  176. no Comments

    Renee

    >I really want to read more of this story. Great cliffhanger. I was a bit confused at the end. I had to reread a couple of times to catch on.

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    Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

    >Ok, I really enjoyed this story. I admit, I don't think I've read this series you're writing, so I'm only viewing this as a short story.I saw you were seeking concrit so here are some suggestions (which you can listen to or disregard as you see fit).The story was strong, but the beginning could be tighter.In the first paragraph: "Yes, Bill. I really do need you to get that patented ASAP. It's a crucial part of my design. If you need more money to get it done, just say so." Blair's impatience to get her gallery up and running stressed her out. –> I didn't realize she was on the phone and you were sort of telling me why she was stressed. Leave me hanging. If you tightened it up by saying "Yes, Bill. I really do need you to get that patented ASAP. It's a crucial part of my design. If you need more money to get it done, just say so." Blair spat into the phone, her patience gone." Leave the gallery and the stress until later. The beginning is where you suck me in, making me want to know why she's so impatient.The second paragraph: his warning is fine, but you can modify it tighter: "Bill's ignored warning an echo of previous conversations." or something along those lines.In the next paragraph, I don't think you need the line "She was very surprised to learn that he had bequeathed her the desk." because the line after it talks about her surprise.I loved the description of the desk, searching for the key and the postcard. Only suggestion is you start a new paragraph with "She opened the drawers.."Love the line "The words were an angry dog growling at an intruder after the warm "Welcome to the Bahamas" on the front."I'd ditch "quickly" when you talk about her falling to the carpet again, it isn't needed.This paragraph was good, but the head bouncing "from" the carpet confused me. Did you mean "on" the carpet?Because I wasn't familiar with the story, it took me a moment to "get" the ending, but once I understood it, it made perfect sense. I really liked the set up and intrigue.A very good story, with some interesting characters. I hope this helped!Posted using google account b/c WordPress ID was denied on Blogger. My blog is at WordPress, not Blogger.

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    CDG @ Move Over Mary Poppins!

    >She's got some rocking tunes there. Funny the way a song will stay your hand, even though you're not in the mood for it… I think what I loves best is that the tension in this is entirely contained within the character, and that the more sinister elements of her situation make her more physically appealing: apples in her cheeks, a slight smile.

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    Jessica Anne

    >Oh, Regina, what are you up to? As always, I love your word choices. Loved this, "Her finger snagged the cord stretched from ear to ear violently, shredding her connection with the words in her ears," and this, "Apple blossoms rose to her cheeks as blood flowed to her face."For me, this sentence kind of didn't work, "Her rump wriggled subtly in her seat,". Maybe the word rump? Might be just me. And although I love the imagery of this, "mouth to slice upward," because the word slice is in the lyrics in the next couple paragraphs, it was too much slicing for me. :)I loved how you foreshadowed Regina's plan and back story (although, maybe foreshadowing a back story isn't the right way to say that). Well done. Waiting for more. ????

  180. no Comments

    Carrie

    >ahhh, the plot thickens.Once again, another person who clearly has more knowledge of songs and lyrics that I do ???? Song titles frighten me.I feel that the choice of music really speaks to who Regina is. Some of the choices didn't jive with my image of her but perhaps I am getting her mixed up with another character. I picture a very proper woman and Iggy Pop isn't what I'd think to see on her iPod

  181. no Comments

    Erin

    >Whoa! 1st definitely got some awesome tunes! 2nd I love reading all your stuff, the imagery is wonderful! I feel like I am sitting right there! It's such an easy and exciting read, I can't wait to see what is coming up!

  182. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    >This really flowed so beautifully! You married the music and the scenery with beautiful language and I felt like I was right there for every last but of it!

  183. no Comments

    Mommylebron (aka Amanda)

    >This part flows so well you can't even tell it is a prompt. It just feels like a natural scene that really builds a connection with Regina.

  184. no Comments

    Sara

    >I had no problems reading this, even though I haven't read the other parts of this story. You did a good job of writing this segment so it focused on the jealousy and didn't get lost in the details of the longer story.The only place that stopped me was this line, "He wanted to make sure there was no doubt among the men, the least traitor, and that all knew their part." I did understand what you meant by "the least traitor." Did you mean "a traitor" or it that the name of a type of traitor..does this make sense?Interesting story. I don't ready much fantasy, but did you leave very curious about what would happen to Gwyneth:~)

  185. no Comments

    Carrie

    >I thought it flowed quite well. I stumbled on the same line as Sara.Other than that is was great ????

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    {Stephanie}The Drama Mama

    >I fixed that line, thanks!!

  187. no Comments

    Jessica Anne

    >I love this story! I'm so glad I got to read more of it. I like the deviousness of Prince Aletalian. ???? The only part that seemed out of place to me was, "I am your servant and will do as you ask, but I want to be clear that you know what you are doing here." The "here" at the end sounds less medieval and more modern to me. I think it flowed very well and I had no issues with the descriptions/etc. being a little less formal/medieval sounding in places. I think as long as the dialogue stays true to the times, it works.Waiting impatiently for more. ????

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    Kir

    >Oh I love this story and your talent for writing it with the voice of that time is brilliant. I read this 5 times before I couls comment, I just loved the words, the images they brought, the feelings they gave me. You are awe inspiring!!!!

  189. no Comments

    Cheryl

    >It's hard for me to concrit as I don't read fantasy at all, so I don't know what works and what doesn't. The story flowed well, and I agree w/ the commenter who thought "here" sounded too modern. I think as long as the dialogue is consistent in feel it will work just fine.I also am curious what will will happen to Gwyneth. I do know those werebeings will not kill her!

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    Andrea (ace1028)

    >I like it, but like Cheryl I don't really read this kind of stuff, so I have to admit I had a hard time getting to each point. But I will say it kind of felt like a movie, and a bit of the Phillippa Gregory stuff [who I LOVE!] that I do enjoy, with the old historical fiction ways, minus the fairies and whatnot. ????

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    Renee

    >I do loves the fantasy genre! And always I adore the politics that are ever-present in king making. I know you're trying to evoke a time, but the dialogue seems a little over formal to me. Maybe it's just prince lording over his follower. I must need to read more ???? And I want more Gwyneth and were-beings.

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    Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

    >I had issues posting this.. good thing I copied it first.—-Ok, I haven't read historical fantasy in a long time, so I'm going to view it more from general concrit view – my knowledge not extensive enough to help in fantasy.I enjoyed this, although it took a bit to get used to the names and who was what. Considering this was part of a larger story, I think you did a great job of breaking it down so it could survive on a single scene.This line is still a little confusing, "He wanted to make sure there was no doubt among the men, no traitors, and that all knew their part." You could tighten it up further to "He wanted no doubt among the men.."It should be "Galain asked" about the sister – switched tense.You use "that" and "tell" a lot in this passage: "Whoever finds her is instructed only to tell her that her father is ill. I want to be the one to tell her that he is dying when she returns.??? A simple rewording to: "Whoever finds her is instructed only to say OUR father is ill (it is his father too, right? not just hers?). I want to be the one to inform her he is dying."This also brings up another question. He was just saying how he wanted to tell her their father is near death when she's found, but in the next passage, it says she will never make it back there alive… It's a bit confusing.This line: "The only thing that could stop the wolf was death, and that was not easily accomplished." Could be tightened: "Only death could stop the wolf, something not easily accomplished." It eliminates more "that".This explains the jealous feelings so well: "He had been cloaked in her shadow for so long. Bitterness had deprived his capacity to love her." This entire paragraph shows his motivation very clearly.A good job, especially since it's just a piece of a larger work. Sorry I can't really help w/ the historical aspect of it.

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    Wild Child Mama

    >Such a dreamy quality to this story. I was captivated by this line, "He flinched slightly at the loud snap of her cosmetic case" I heard it so clearly that it kind of woke me up. So simple yet so full. Fun to read!

  194. no Comments

    Kir

    >I love your writing! Wow. Everything was so clear, from Blair to the tiny bottles to the bar. Your images are exquisite…can't wait to buy your book!

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    Home In The Hollow

    >"…she disappeared into the glass…" hit home with me! This was so well written, you are an inspiration!…:)JP

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    Carrie

    >A great piece. Her emptiness is matched by the empty bottles and glass after glass of booze.I felt there was a bit of a jump, or maybe a missing piece when she arrived at the bar. "Disappeared into the glass…" was this referring to another drink or the bar itself? I love the imagery of it being a drink…maybe move it further down in the piece when she is full on drinking and figure out another was to say how she entered the bar?

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    Cheryl

    >Very smooth writing – this line made me giggle: "It was the perfect place for her to drown her sorrows without her business being spread faster than a yawn in a room full of insomniacs."Nice job!

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    Lisa @ Two Bears Farm

    >I think it reads very smoothly. Well done!

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    Galit Breen

    >I love the rhythm and flow of your words.Your details place me side-by-side with your characters; perfect!I loved this line: "her voice flowed in rhythm with the band playing on the opposite corner from the bar." -it read like poetry!

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    Mad

    >I rode along this story as if on a river of vodka, so smooth (except for the mood piercing click of the compact, WOW!).Beautifully written, a gorgeously rich painted picture.And now I have more reading to do. I'm totally enthralled with this character.

  201. no Comments

    Jack

    >the musky scentI have always liked the way that sounds, not sure why but it just resonates with me.

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    Georgia Girls

    >How fun you were able to add our character into your story ???? The saga continues. Thanks for joining us!

  203. no Comments

    A.L. Mabry

    Oh man. I almost feel sorry for Blair!

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    Stacey

    My kids have done this to me and it does make me very mad. We have had some very LONG time outs and groundings as a result! I think you did a great job conveying what the child would do after unlocking the door. Kids are so helpful sometimes!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks. He is usually more helpful than this. LOL.

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    Kim

    I have no doubt this is in my near future with an almost four year old and one year old. I already deal with antics such as my older son pulling down my pyjama pants and laughing wildly. Sigh. At least it made for a good post!

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      DM

      my son is 3.5. I’m sitting here scratching my head wondering where my good boy went….

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    cristina

    argh, my kid locked me in the basement one day, and when I demanded that he open the door, repeatedly, he would reply “I can’t, I’m too tired” Finally, my husband woke up from my screaming and I found the kid sitting on the couch chillin out! oh boy was I MAD!!! lol

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Do you look back and laugh now?

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    Carrie

    LOL, short and sweet…just like the culprit, right?

    I’m not sure what to suggest. Perhaps break it up into a couple of paragraphs? And you used purple twice within 2 sentences. Maybe find another way to describe the throbbing vein or the spotches on her face?

    I would have actually like more about when you first discovered you were locked out. Emotions, feelings, actions?

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Good catch, Carrie. Once I get this headache to go away, maybe I can expand on that more as you suggested.

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    NatureGirl

    I did have a good chuckle…thanks for being brave enough to share!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks for getting a little chuckle. I’m glad I could brighten your day.

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    Erin

    I just knew this wasn’t fiction! So well done!
    I had that happen once, my son locked me in the garage, I wad so mad that I stood there pounding on the door getting angrier and didn’t think to go out the garage and around to a different door! Took me about 5 minutes! So there ya go, a laugh at my expense!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Except in my case, the other 2 doors were also locked.

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    Ashley

    What a little booger! Lol.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ha, that’s putting it nicely. ????

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    kidfriendlyja

    Funny!
    Children they can press your last nerve!!
    Enjoyed this.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I don’t think I have any nerves left. Think they’ll grow back?

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    lori

    oh, the joys of motherhood! That whole second paragraph is my favorite, really well-written. I liked, “her fist screamed at the door” – Also, I really like the look of your site. I’ve been noticing everyone’s because I need to do a little work on mine ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. I actually just updated it with a fresh look that I have had in mind for awhile. I’m glad you stopped by!

      I appreciate your comments on the second paragraph. I added them at Carrie’s suggestion, and I’m glad I did. She was right. It does improve the story.

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    momfog

    Haha! I hate to laugh at another mother’s expense, but it is funny. I noticed the purple thing, too. That’s honestly the only thing I’d change. It was nice of the little guy to give you inspiration.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Not sure what you mean now. I changed it? You should see purple, then red, then blue for colors. Are you seeing something different?

      And I could do without that kind of inspiration. ????

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    Mandyland

    I’m sorry…I had to laugh, but only because I’ve been there!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Sure, sure. Go ahead and laugh. ????

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    Cheryl @ Mommypants

    My son – the 2 year-old – locked me out too! He thought it was hysterical. Thankfully, my husband was inside and let me in. Next time, I might not be so lucky!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Why do they think this is so funny?!? I guess it could be in hindsight. Makes me want to hang a key by every door to grab on my way out, LOL.

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    Janice

    Funny! So far, that hasn’t happened to me. I usually lock myself out. =/

    (stopping by from red writing hood!)

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m sorry. You locking yourself out makes me giggle. I’ve done that too. Thanks for stopping by. I’ll be around soon.

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    CDG

    So far my son hasn’t locked me out, but my kid brother did once…

    Wicked children.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      You are lucky, well at least that your son hasn’t.

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    Jessica Anne

    Hahaha! Sorry, but that’s funny. I love that he pretended to watch t.v. like nothing happened. Good plan. ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      He’s a good faker, that one. Stubborn as a mule, cute as a button, and great at the lock outs…

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    Galit Breen

    Ohmygoodness! This is so very powerful and emotional! I’m so happy that she was there for you. That you were open to her. Meant to be, yes?

    Your last line? Perfection.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      my grandmother was a very special lady. I didn’t appreciate her then, but I certainly do now. Thank you for the kind words.

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        Galit Breen

        Loved it then, love it now. XO

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    Vinobaby

    Loved the second paragraph “Life was an uncoated aspirin that always seemed to get stuck in my throat; the acrid taste ebbed on the shore of my tongue and refused to leave. Decisions I made in order to survive were whirlwinds of change, downdrafts of life???s tornadoes, most of which I was not prepared for.” Wonderful imagery. I can taste the bitterness.

    Powerful post. Thank you.

    Cheers.
    VB

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    Kelly

    Ah, this sounds only too familiar.
    These lines are so telling: “The abyss in my chest could only be filled by a man. The chasm that was usually filled up by the love only a father can give was left barren, decadent, denied.” I know it only too well. Well done.

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      DM

      I’m sorry you know that pain. I hope that your heart has filled up as well as mine has.

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    Wild Child Mama

    Holy cow, Lady, powerful stuff!! You’ve got one amazing story to tell. I’m new to your blog but want to hear more. The ending went too fast for me. I’d like to hear more of that story:)
    Loved the line, “Life was an uncoated aspirin that always seemed to get stuck in my throat;” Powerful and revealing. I lived that life too, sista!!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I don’t know that it’s amazing. Others have been through much worse, but its mine. Thank you for stopping in. There are a few more stories related to this wandering around in memoir and true stories if you’d like to check those pages out.

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    Karen Peterson

    There are so many raw and powerful posts on TRDC today that I feel like all of my comments are starting to sound the same.

    I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you, and I’m sorry that you had to go through it. But I love that you are able to look at those intervening years and discover that you have found those things you sought and needed.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      it is a huge relief to be free of the burden that not loving yourself brings. Once I learned how to do that, nothing else mattered anymore. you know?

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    Cheryl @ Mommypants

    I am so glad you decided to write this. It is raw and honest and I love how you ended it w/ your current happiness filling that abyss – and filling that cap and gown.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ha. I once had a desire to get that cap and gown and graduate college with a degree, not too long ago as a matter of fact. Here in the past year or so? I’m too lazy to want to go back to school. I’d much rather pine away at the computer writing. ????

  225. no Comments

    Jessica Anne

    I too loved the second paragraph, really strong imagery. The whole piece left my heart aching until the end. I’m so glad the hole has been filled.

    Also, love the new header and sig. ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Jess. I’m glad the hole has been filled too. My hubs? he’s an imperfectly perfectly good man. He loves big and it’s real. I had to love myself first, though, in order to keep him. ????

  226. no Comments

    Erin

    What a beautifully honest post! I could absolutely see your grandmother. And so wonderful to hear that Happiness takes the place of the cap and gown!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Sometimes, it doesn’t matter. There’s always the future if I decide that I want to go again. Happiness is like love. It has it’s ups and downs.

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    Georgia Girls

    Very fun! Sometimes, it is a very good thing children are cute — extends their mortality to another day. ????
    LOVE the striped witch legs in your header — made me smile.

  228. no Comments

    Carrie

    oh, she is EVIL. I don’t want her to get her happy ending.

    I think you slip out of your POV here and there. The one where Regina’s face lights up sounds like it is an Omniscient narrator, not Regina’s POV. Should be easy to fix ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. I think I fixed it. I’m glad that her evilness is still shining through.

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    Victoria K

    I’m not experienced enough to pick up on any writers critique stuff yet but as a reader I was uncomfortable with Regina but at the same time intrigued by her when you brought in her charm bracelet, which just knocks on the head all stereotypical ideas of charm bracelet wearers. Despite being slightly repulsed by her I do want read more.

    My favourite sentence was ” Her mind spun wool as her fingers traced the charms dangling from her scarred wrist with familiarity.”

    Thanks for a great read. ????

    Vikki

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks for the comment!

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    varunner

    I love the part about the instruments and her lucky charms! Really well done.

    Also got sucked in to your previous post about the twins. WOW!! What an experience!!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you on both parts.

  231. no Comments

    CDG

    Yikes!
    The charm bracelet thing? Super creepy.

    And yay for villains and happy endings! (Though I suspect in both of our cases our villains endings may turn before their time is up.)

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Hmmm. I’m not so sure. it’s like the more I delve into this and develop the story, the more other pieces click…ones that were written as prompts early on that started the seed for the story itself.

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    TheKirCorner

    I wear a charm bracelet(filled with so many charms I love) , and all of my favorite watches are charm bracelets too….I love the way they look and sound on my wrist, but having hers be a Place she puts charms for her sister’s misfortune is GENIUS and I may never look at my wrist the same again.

    she is a really bad person and I LOVE HER!!!!!! This was so wickedly good. ????

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    jessicaanne

    Oh. My. God. My jaw was on the floor. Sisters? OMG! Who is she talking to? What is in that desk? And why is she so evil? So many questions. I like where this is heading. ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      And this is why I wish I could have seen your face when you were reading. I knew the surprise would be something you would get. I know why she is so evil, I have an idea what is in the desk, but I’m not quite sure which male character she is talking to yet.

  234. no Comments

    May

    eewwwwwwww~ This one is a real creeper! Nicely written. All the details-her hateful appearance, the charms, her glee-all build together one rotten villain!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Yay!! Thank you. My work in this piece is done. ????

  235. no Comments

    (FL) Girl with a New Life

    Intriguing story line. Did you redecorate the place since my last visit? I am kinda in love with your new banner.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Yes I did!! Thank you!

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    jessicaanne12

    You know I love this installment! Very sexy!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I know you did. Thanks again for your support.

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    Weathered: Louis | My Write Side

    […] new piece comes some point after this piece. […]

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    Weathered: Louis | My Write Side

    […] Post navigation ← Previous […]

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    Melissa Hicks

    I couldn’t help thinking of life in relation to death either. I like the way that you used that. I like that life is a choice here. I like that love continues to ask the impossible.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m glad you stopped in and enjoyed my story. Thank you!

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    Erin

    Oh she has to live! What an interesting take, I love that you took it almost into another world!
    Love this!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      It is almost into another world isn’t it? Thank you, Erin!

  241. no Comments

    Carrie

    She can’t die! She can’t give up! No no nooooooo!

  242. no Comments

    juliemooreonlife

    I’ve been there wanting someone to live so badly. I hope she does.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Theres still a lot more story left, so I think she might.

  243. no Comments

    KG Waite

    Interesting take on this prompt! Nice imagery, nice tension. I was getting stressed out reading this.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m enjoying the different emotions each reader is having over this story.

  244. no Comments

    Crystal@ Never In One Place

    I liked this piece. It gave me a feeling of helplessness…that I couldn’t do anything to help Blair but wanted her to live so bad.

    1. no Comments
  245. no Comments

    kelli @ Narragansett No. 7

    Sigh. Beautiful and sad and helpless. Well done! The doctor’s shaking their heads, seemingly clueless to the ripple of the sheets. What a powerful and intimate image. I feel like I was allowed into a very private moment.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      We all were allowed into that very private moment. Thank you.

  246. no Comments

    Runnermom-jen

    This is very good! I especially like those last few lines with the italics and pull of it. So good!

    1. no Comments
  247. no Comments

    Ratz

    Oh stephanie stephanie… this is sensational. I loved the way you have ended this piece. There is so much of the thrill that flows in this piece. Good work. ????

    Happy weekend

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you Ratz! I hope you have a happy weekend yourself.

  248. no Comments

    Kristy

    Oh, so sad. Full of emotion. Well written.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      thank you, Kristy!

  249. no Comments

    CDG

    I think I’ve missed a few pieces to the puzzle. I feel slightly at a disadvantage, as I spent most of the read trying to figure out who wanted whom to live. I understood from the room, etc that Blair is in the hospital, but the POV seemed a little cloudy.

    That said, the emotional punch is definitely there, and you’ve answered the prompt strongly. Life and death are inextricably wound together, aren’t they?

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Short synopsis of what you have missed: Louis is Blair’s one and only love. He died in a tragic accident 2 weeks before their wedding. Circumstances have been bringing him to mind, most lately, the postcard that she believes is from him saying he is not dead. Regina sent the postcard though, and the shock it all has given Blair a heart attack…

      1. no Comments

        DM

        And thank you!

  250. no Comments

    Melanie

    I think you did answered the prompt, beautifully. Funny, I’ve written a similar piece to yours for this prompt. Like minds…:-)

    The second half of the piece touched me the most. I felt it all: his sorrow, her sadness, her stillness. I loved the way you used your words so efficiently here to get the emotions across.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. These short ones are hard for me. I usually write 1,000 words at a time if there is no word count. Haha.

  251. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    Oh my, so it took me long enough to get over here, but it was worth it. This was perfect. I loved so many of the descriptions and the picture of them in the dark and then in the morning.
    I literally gasped at the part when the screwing stopped and the sleep started. Wow!!!! This is really good.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      *blushing* thank you.

  252. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    In that place between death and life, I think it would be just like this. A coma of feelings and thoughts, some real, some imagined. You did a fantastic job of drawing that picture, of having us willing her to Live next to Louis. I love this story!!!

    Love is really the only thing that will mend her, can’t wait to see where you take Blair and us!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I love your interpretation!!

  253. no Comments

    Jack @ TheJackB

    I really liked the ending- I thought it was strong- could hear the beeping of the machine.

  254. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    Emotional, sad, eery, powerful. Yes, that.

    My favorite line: “His love, his warmth, his scent were all craved by her soul.” because it reeks of true love.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m glad you picked that up. I have a feeling that in the book as a whole, even though this is a short piece, it’s going to have a lot of power.

  255. no Comments

    jessicaanne12

    Oh, I love this story! I love the deep romanticism in this piece and the idea of one true love that you pull throughout it. So many good bits. One of my favorites is this, “A touch of wind was his caress; an itch of her lips was his kiss. His eyes would moisten, and a raindrop would fall.” Lovely.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      That was my favorite line in the story too. This piece has given me so much more direction for WIP.

  256. no Comments

    The Lovely One

    Oh, I love this! Yes, she must live, if she loves him, she must live!

    Visiting from TRDC

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you for stopping by!

  257. no Comments

    A.L. Mabry

    This was so sweet and so sad. I was so heartbroken when she said no, but he took it so well. I can’t help but wonder what’s holding her back? You described his nervousness very well. The only thing that bugged me was “her eyes did a 360” I get that she rolled her eyes, but would it be 360 or 180?
    Another great piece with the potential for growth!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. This could be the makings of something more later on.

  258. no Comments

    Chelle

    I really like how you describe things. As I read the words, I visualize what you’re writing. I could hear the couple at the other table gasp and feel their anticipation as well.
    I agree with mommylebron on the eyes and the description of what she did. I wasn’t sure what that meant. (and you know I tried to do that to figure it out.)
    You’re great at keeping the reader in suspense, wanting to know what’s next!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! I’m glad you stopped by.

  259. no Comments

    Barbara Mascareno-Shaw

    Ok, I think a tear just formed, no really. This is so beautiful, I love the story and of course I’m crazy for love stories. You write so well. I love the dialogue, as I read I felt that I was there hearing the conversation…marry her, marry her!!! ???? Just kidding.
    Can’t wait to read next post.
    Barbara

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you Barbara. I appreciate your time in reading and sharing your thoughts.

  260. no Comments

    Head Ant

    Well, darnit! You sure left us hanging there. Great job so far.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Come back on Tuesday. I’ll have the next part up then. And thank you!

  261. no Comments

    Debra Elliott

    Gotta read more! Great job.

    1. no Comments
  262. no Comments

    The HJP Club Part 2 | My Write Side

    […] Post navigation ← Previous […]

  263. no Comments

    Carrie

    My only experiences with Charlie’s Angels was through the movies. I never watched the show since it was a bit before my time ????

    I love the description of your “adventures”. I climbed many a tree in my day…brought back memories

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I think the gulley and the tree are my most vivid memories, as well as her room, her house, and her parents.

  264. no Comments

    The HJP Club Part 2 | My Write Side

    […] is a continuation of the story started for the Indie Ink Writers Challenge posted here, and a response to the Bloggy Moms Writer’s Workshop prompt: You discover a huge hole in the […]

  265. no Comments

    thepsychobabble

    I’m interested to see where this one goes!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I am too! Ha ????

  266. no Comments

    Head Ant

    They are not going to be able to sleep tonight!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I think you may be right!

  267. no Comments

    Dili

    Awesome, I Like! More! More! ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you for the challenge. You’ve made me step out of my comfort zone with this.

  268. no Comments

    Erin

    OHHHHH Charlie’s Angels!! Another one of my favs….I remember watching it when Farrah was on, I so wanted hair like hers! I think we woud watch this and then Dukes of Hazzard! lol

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I think I used to dream that I was Cheryl Ladd in another life. I wanted to BE Kris Munroe, LOL.

  269. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    I LOVED Charlie’s Angels! You perfectly captured after school with friends- complete with Bon Jovi, a show, and pretending to call boys!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! Those are wonderful memories to have. I’m hoping that my daughter will have these kinds of memories too.

  270. no Comments

    Chelle

    Oh man! I have to wait to find out what happens?

    1. no Comments

      DM

      You can come back on Friday. There will be another piece, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to end for awhile.

      1. no Comments
  271. no Comments

    Steffani Packard

    I read your prompt and I immediately wondered what you would have come up with. Super creative to use the words as nicknames! Great story, I hope to read more!!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! There is actually the next piece up at the top of the home page if you want to read more, and there will be another piece up on Friday. Thank you so much for coming by!

  272. no Comments

    The HJP Club: The Time Keeper | My Write Side

    […] a YA setting. I’m incredibly nervous as this is the 3rd part of a continuing series that began here and continued […]

  273. no Comments

    The HJP Club: The Time Keeper | My Write Side

    […] Post navigation ← Previous […]

  274. no Comments

    bywordofmouthmusings

    Gosh, I kept on picturing them with accents ( Ian had me watching Battle for Los Angeles with aliens and what not the other night)… felt like I was in a movie!
    Great step out of your comfort zone, I am going back to work on a post on something mundane like blog lists, or trolls or something ????

    http://www.bywordofmouthmusings.com/2011/07/friday-here-you-are.html

    1. no Comments

      DM

      That was such a sweet compliment, feeling like you were in a movie. The images were vivid in my head, but the words weren’t quite so easy to come by. Thanks for taking a break from the blog lists and the trolls to stop by!

      1. no Comments

        juliemooreonlife

        I imagine the TimeKeeper as a Terminator type ( I may be wrong, but it’s my imagination) especially when he says, “Time needs no keeper, man does. But, I will humor your folly. Come into the light and prepare to meet your destiny.??? I love this line. is it just me? Great story line. Hey thanks for your great feedback on my Sci-Fi.

      2. no Comments

        DM

        IDK if this works, but for some reason I can’t reply directly to your comment (weird!). I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, those words of the Time Keeper there are probably the most favorite lines I have ever written of mine. I don’t know what I want to give the Time Keeper anymore description. I kind of like that each reader has their own picture of him.

  275. no Comments

    Carrie

    I’ve never encountered Steampunk and now I’ve read two pieces of it ????

    I like the premise of this, it’s definitely a great storyline. I found the beginning to be choppy and some of the sentences were a little long. You could probably cut some of the excess description and have it be just as strong.

    I loved the Time Keeper. I have this picture of a massive man, almost like a carved statue, standing guard over the portals of Time

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’ll have to remember that. That’s a great description. I’lll have to go back and reword the beginning later. I was trying to fit in a lot of detail with a small word count. Some of those sentences are very long, LOL.

  276. no Comments

    The Week In Review: July 4-8

    […] Dili challenges The Drama Mama: The HJP Club […]

  277. no Comments

    postmoderngirls;

    I loved the Harry Potter reference and smiled my way through this entire piece.
    I can’t wait to read more- wonderfully written!

    p.s: came by way of II.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you!! There are actually 2 more pieces already posted, and for easier navigation, its in the tabs above.

  278. no Comments

    Tina

    The fighting description sounded a little stilted, but it was still an excellent story. You did not seem uncomfortable at all, however. I wanted to read more!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      That’s interesting, thank you for the concrit. I hope there will be more to read soon.

  279. no Comments

    Andrea

    I think you can’t reply to the previous comment because she replied to the one before her. ????

    This was interesting, I liked some of it, but I do agree that the beginning seemed a bit long. I’m not a huge fan of these kinds of stories, so I often have a rough time “Attaching” to the character(s) and with more words and sometimes unneeded details I get a little bit lost and then find myself skimming to move on and catch up. Like the story runs ahead of me and leaves me trailing, maybe?

    I loved the last paragraph. This sentence and part of the next:
    “His eyes were human enough, though, and that was all the Time Keeper needed to know as their blades connected. Muscle against steel,”

    Perfection. That muscle against steel line was like music.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I will work on that beginning, trim it up and maybe loosen some of the descriptions for later, perhaps. With more room to play with it in the story overall (not to a word count) I think I can balance it out pretty well. I think I got wrapped up in trying to make sure that the whole steampunk aspects were more apparent. Thanks for your feedback!

  280. no Comments

    Cheryl @ Mommypants

    My brother has written an entire Steampunk novel, so I’m a little familiar with the genre.

    I liked the image of the Time Keeper and also the fighting scene. The beginning, especially the paragraph, was way heavy on description/long sentences and I got really bogged down.

    Steampunk is fantasy (mostly) so I’d think it’d be right up your alley!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I think I did overdo it in the beginning for this piece, but I needed to build the other world, etc. There is a lot of fantasy involved in Steampunk, but it is a bit more constrained to the Victorian era as well, and so, it takes a lot of research, and while I’m good with fantasy, I’m not so good at Sci-fi, if that makes any sense. I’m giving it a go though, and the modern day aspects with the 4 hs girls will help too. I’m excited to see where this will go.

  281. no Comments

    Lex

    I am familiar with Steampunk, but not an avid fan of it. This piece may have turned me. Like others have said, it is a little bit slow at the beginning, but I understand why. It’s hard to cover so much with 600 words. It was almost necessary for such a short piece.

    There was a slight hesitation at the start of the fight, but I loved that part the best! I love how so many people are able to do so much outside of their comfort zone.

    Can I just say that I found this bit of writing to be very cool!? So happy to have stopped by.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      That I may have turned you into a fan of something outside my comfort zone is really such a huge compliment. I’m glad you stopped by too. Let’s hope I can keep it up and turn this into something larger.

  282. no Comments

    Steffani Packard

    I love this! I work in a library and there are a few ladies who would just eat this up, I’ll have to pass the link on to them. They love reading stuff like this and while I usually wouldn’t pick this type of writing off the shelf, it was written really well. It definitely kept my attention and I want to continue reading it! Now it makes me want to start reading some books I never thought I’d like…

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Wow! This is such a huge compliment. Thank you so much for the kind words.

  283. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    Ooh you totally went for something brand new- YAY! I’m not familiar with this genre, so I’ll be learning from YOU!

    I loved phrases like this -a macabre dance of sparks- beautiful wording, so full of imagery!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ha, we’ll be learning together then. ???? Thank you, Galit, for stopping by. It always means so much to me when you do.

      I discovered that macabre is a fun word. If only I could work it into everything I write. ????

  284. no Comments

    CDG

    I love Steampunk. Totally not brave enough to try it! I love the gears and clocks and the train references… and then robots and fencing!

    I thought it was very filmic, too.

    Maybe I’ll give it a shot one of these days. You make me brave!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you, CDG. I have no doubt that you’d write some great Steampunk.

  285. no Comments

    melody

    this was really good and I totally enjoyed it! Thanks for stopping by and visiting me as well!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you for reading!!

  286. no Comments

    The HJP Club Part 2 | My Write Side

    […] Post navigation ← Previous Next → […]

  287. no Comments

    souldipper

    Good for you…a courageous step out into the unknown. I admire anyone doing this sort of writing when it is not something that they know intimately. Bravo!

    I had to go back a few times in the beginning to see if I had the right figure in mind as I read. I liked the Time Keeper. To me, he was like a benevolent Watchman (Not intended as a pun!) He’s the guy I would have run to the minute the figure appeared on the horizon.

    Well done – AND – look at how well you take input. That says a lot about you. Take a big bow!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Hmmm, yet another idea of the Time Keeper. I like letting the reader decide what a character looks like sometimes. I’m not entirely convinced that the Time Keeper is a guardian to anything but that clock. I may have to kill him to see what happens. ????

      As for feedback? It’s my life blood. I’m so glad there are so many willing to give it. I don’t think I have the badge here, but I used to post my writing on my main blog, “The Scoop on Poop”. I think it’s from there that you are most familiar with me. I am very honored that you have stopped in and taken a moment to read.

  288. no Comments

    varunner

    I love it! I even love the name The Time Keeper – it just implies mystery and I want to read more. Great job on this ????

    1. no Comments
  289. no Comments

    Lance

    What a great blog find. I’m a major sci fi fan and an admirer of steampunk. I’m writing a sci fi story, it’s here: http://lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog.wordpress.com/crazy-robot-stories/ it’s a working title so, humor me,
    I like the pacing and “wordy” middle. You have to explain some things because of the genre. There are some sentences I would shorten, maybe some words you could substitute, but that’s picking nits in my opinion.

    The Time Keeper is an excellent character.

    cant wait to read more. hope you come back to mine.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’ll definitely be back to yours. I’m going to check out your sci-fi story too, and I appreciate your comments on Steampunk needing more explanation. It’s definitely a challenge but I’m up to the task. At least I have more time to research the next set now. ????

    2. no Comments

      DM

      I’ve started reading it. I didn’t realize it was so long. I’m enjoying it so far. It’s very creative. I’ll be back to read more.

  290. no Comments

    kelly

    I have never heard of this genre before, but after reading this piece, I may just become a fan!

    I really like the Time Keeper character- it feels so dark.
    Your description was fantastic- I could picture every action as I read along…

    really good!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I found out through my research that it goes back as far as Jules Verne, but I don’t think it technically had a name until recently.
      Thank you for your kind words, Kelly, and taking time to read and comment.

  291. no Comments

    jessicaanne12

    I’m really enjoying this one, didn’t get a chance to comment on the others yet. Love that you’re changing up your genre. ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks! I’m enjoying writing it, but worried that I’m getting in over my head with the whole Steampunk aspects that mingle with the modern day HS girls.

  292. no Comments

    Ixy

    Cool nicknames! Some of the dialogue flowed really nicely, but a few lines felt a little stiff. For example, the paragraph starting “Natalie helping Mr Thomas” – maybe more contractions would smooth it out? This reminded me of a Babysitter’s Club Mystery; I’m curious to read more!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you for the feedback!! I will definitely take a closer look at the dialogue and smooth it out.

      Thanks for stopping by and reading it!

  293. no Comments

    Chelle

    ???Time needs no keeper, man does.”

    I love that sentence!

    I could see and hear the duel going on!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! I’m glad you are enjoying the story.

  294. no Comments

    NotJustAnotherJennifer

    Sorry – I finally made it back to give con crit! I liked this (fascinated by the genre! unaware until now). The only thing I have to note that I wondered about was some of the sentence structure for YA. I definitely think you should incorporate some complexities, but it seems like it might be a little more intensive reading than a teen would like. That said, it’s been 15 years since my Adolescent Lit class in college, so maybe the kids are more evolved today. ???? If you know any teens, you might have a couple read it to get their feedback before you get too far along.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I posted it on Figment, which is full of aspiring teenage authors. Thank you so much for coming back to give me feedback.

  295. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    wow, it was amazing Steph. I signed up and voted. Do you think it would be ok for me to post there, my writing? I don’t want to step on any toes.

    Can I vote every day? The story was so vivid, I felt the money hit me. It was that powerful!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I wish you could, but you can’t. If you heart from the same computer multiple times they disqualify you. ????

      As far as posting your own stuff? That’s what it’s for! Please give me a link to your profile so I can follow you. I would love to see you there!

  296. no Comments

    Weathered: Betrayed | My Write Side

    […] from my WIP titled Weathered. You can find links to all the parts here. This picks up shortly after Louis. […]

  297. no Comments

    Weathered: Betrayal | My Write Side

    […] from my WIP titled Weathered. You can find links to all the parts here. This picks up shortly after Louis. […]

  298. no Comments

    Tara R.

    You incorporated the prompt elements seamlessly. You’ve created a very intriguing story.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. I have been working on this story for a very long time. I love that it is coming together so nicely.

  299. no Comments

    K

    This piece stands strong on its own, a sign of good writing. ???? Your characters are vibrant, your words seamlessly narrate an engaging tale. You are developing a very intriguing plot and I am eager to see how this story continues to unfold. Nicely done!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you!! I really appreciate the words of encouragement.

  300. no Comments

    Chasing Joy

    Nice post. I never watched charlie’s angels but I can definately see the appeal it would have on young girls. It’s nice you have fond memories of you and your friend playing Angels.

  301. no Comments

    Head Ant

    I definitely want to hear more. Very intriguing.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      There is more to come. This story isn’t finished yet, but it’s coming along. Thanks for coming by. I’m so happy to see you here.

  302. no Comments

    jessicaanne

    You know I love this story. I loved the details, the cicada, the sweating water glass, it really made the story vibrant and real. I know they were part of the prompt, but you wove them into the story beautifully and made them work.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I was hoping for your shock that Bill was betraying her. LOL. Thank you for reading. It always mean so much to me when you come by.

  303. no Comments

    Chelle

    I loved this! It was nice to see what we take as every day life from a different perspective. You captured how strange and unsettling it would be to wake up in a different world than our own and trying to take it all in.

    “Feet pounded the steel like hooves of thunder”. Love that description. I could hear it.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Your feedback is fantastic, and it wasn’t all that hard was it? LOL. Thanks for stopping by, Chele. I’m glad you are enjoying my story.

  304. no Comments

    Kristy @PampersandPinot

    Belied the ring in her nose. Liked that detail. Very intriguing!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! This is still out of my comfort zone, but it’s getting a little teeny bit easier the more I write it.

  305. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    Oh wow Steph, I don’t even like sci fi and I found myself so engrossed in this story I completely ignored John asking me a question. It was so good…the details at the beginning were so vivid I could smell that subway car. Wow..your writing just amazes me with every new excerpt.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ohh, thats a HUGE compliment. Thank you!

  306. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    Oooh it’s so good. This story is so engrossing and mysterious, I love it.

    It’s really coming together, I like the stealth of this piece od it, I was on the edge of my seat.

    I wish I had more time to write, I want to join these challenges they sound like so much fun!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      As soon as you find more time to write, I encourage it. The more you write, the better you get, at least that’s what I hear. Even Stephen King says that you should set a goal to write so many words a day, then do it. It keeps you in practice, even if you never publish what you write. I think you would have a blast with the Indie Ink challenge.

      Thank you again for the feedback. It’s very helpful, especially since this is a larger work to know what parts work and dont work for people.

  307. no Comments

    Lance

    The descriptions are really good – brown prints, black scuff, thunderous hooves, the ring.

    The think the feel of being awake in a different place. There’s confusion, suspense, and texture.

    More please.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks for stopping by. This one doesn’t feel as Steampunk to me, but then again, he isn’t in his steampunk world now. My biggest worry was that it dragged with all the description before the action. Thanks for the assurance.

  308. no Comments

    Steffani Packard

    This is so great and mysterious, I want to know more!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      This is supposed to be a mystery, so I’m happy that you said that. Thank you for always coming around and reading what I write.

  309. no Comments

    Barbara Mascareno-Shaw

    Okay, first of all, I would have been here sooner if my Internet would have been more cooperative ???? But I just want to know what’s going to happen next. I can’t wait to read the next ‘chapter’ – the suspense is killing me!!!
    Have a wonderful week,
    Barbara

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Aww thanks Barbara!

  310. no Comments

    Stefan

    I love the way you write, as you paint pictures easily with your descriptive style and I feel as though you don’t go overboard like some of the established (published) writers out there who will remain nameless.

    Lovely work!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks Stefan. I admire your writing, so this means a lot to me.

  311. no Comments

    The Week In Review: July 18-22

    […] Kelly Garriott Waite challenges The Drama Mama: Weathered: Betrayal […]

  312. no Comments

    Kat

    OMG I wish I had more time because I can’t wait to go back to read the previous installments of this! I love it, Mama!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I hope you enjoy what you read. ????

  313. no Comments

    Kat

    Loved the vivid imagery – I could completely picture the story. Nice work!

    1. no Comments
  314. no Comments

    Barbara Mascareno

    Whoa, you’re on ‘fire’ Steph…that was so intense that I’m glad I got my chilled ice tea before reading this. I think you could feel the anger and disappointment from her. But I so wanted to read what happens next…do they make up or do they go separate ways. Intense, passionate, fierce that’s how I describe your wonderful writing.
    Hope to read more next week,
    Barbara

    1. no Comments

      DM

      HAHAHAHAHAHA. You have NO idea how ironic your “you’re on fire, Steph” comment really is. Hahahahaha. I might continue this at some point, but it worked for the contest (the opening lines of the story were what we had to write on).

      Thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it!

  315. no Comments

    Chelle

    I was holding my breath as she pushed to find out what she needed to know. I was hoping he wouldn’t disappoint her!
    One of the things I love about your writing:???Tell me what you want. Is it a house? I???ll call a realtor tomorrow. Is it a new car? Fine. New clothes? Let???s go shopping!??? The green paper assault stung more than it hurt. The Presidents landed in soft falls at my feet.
    I could feel his frustration in what he did. I could feel the disbelief and disappointment in her being at the receiving end of it!
    The struggle of dreams and people changing in relationships!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you, Chelle! The green paper assault is one of my favorite lines too.

  316. no Comments

    Chelle

    Dang girl! That was as good as reading Stephen King!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Blushing. Seriously. Stephen King? Only my favorite author growing up.Thank you.

  317. no Comments

    Carrie

    Poor woman…expectations withering away under greasy fat and lipstick collars. I was wondering what the resolution would be and I’m not surprised to see that she killed him…however, didn’t she make it just a tad easy for the police to figure it out? Or is that the point? She went crazy and really, nothing matters anymore except the voice it silenced?

    1. no Comments

      DM

      It’s an interesting POV, eh? I didn’t know how this one would end myself.

  318. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    Oooh so good and you’re right the boys loved it…..it was totally preschooler approved!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      LOL! I’m glad they liked it. ????

  319. no Comments

    Barbara Mascareno

    It’s amazing how much vocabulary I learn every time I read your wonderful posts: metronome, svelte, and alight. Awesome job:)
    Till next week,
    Barbara

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. ????

  320. no Comments

    Jo Bryant

    Loved this – great fun all round.

    1. no Comments
  321. no Comments

    supermaren

    Hooray! I’m so glad you did it…and you’re right, both M and I are really difficult letters to remove! And sometimes you just need to let loose and be silly. ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I did. I really did. Perhaps that is why this wouldn’t let me write it any other way.

  322. no Comments

    The Week In Review: August 1-5

    […] Jason Hughes challenges The Drama Mama: Never Live It Down […]

  323. no Comments

    Lance

    It would be real easy to turn this limerick dirty like there once was a man from Nantucket.

    Seriously, I liked how you were economical with the words yet maintained sensibility. This was a hard prompt and you killed it. Good job.

    Thanks for liking Helene Troy.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Hahaha. The Man from Nantucket is one of my favorites. LOL. Thank you. I feel like it was a disappointment as it was not what I had wanted to do, but I had fun, I got a good laugh, and being silly is good once in a while too. I’m probably a lot harsher about my writing than other people are anyway.

  324. no Comments

    juliemooreonlife

    I could totally see it as I read and thought how cool it would be illustrated.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      HAHAHAHAHAHAA!! I’m not sure I want to actually see a shart in action. LOL!!

  325. no Comments

    Billy

    Good job with a tough prompt!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Billy!

  326. no Comments

    Carrie

    I’m giggling. I love it

    1. no Comments

      DM

      HAHAHA, That’s awesome.

  327. no Comments

    Ixy

    Very entertaining – I really enjoyed Fernando’s journey.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      HAHA. Thanks. ????

  328. no Comments

    Not a Perfect Mom

    wow….that was fantastic! I reread it a couple of times…
    the knife used to slice up…chills…

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you for stopping by! I’m glad you enjoyed the read!

  329. no Comments

    Jason Hughes

    I’m very proud of your finished product! I was giggling as I pictured this surfer sloth and a splinter up his ass–LMAO!! I’m glad you were able to write the story and still eliminate a letter (which was the point–“m” and “i” were nothing more than my ideas of letters to eradicate) so as long as you did just that–avoid a letter–you have met the challenge, my fellow writer!! Good show!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      YAY! I’m so glad you liked it. It was a great prompt so thank you. As for you, I have one in mind for you when I become the challenger. Ha. ????
      I’m considering seeing if my brother (an artist) is interested in doing animation for this. I think it might be great fun to turn into a cartoon. LOL.

  330. no Comments

    Bridget

    Wow! This was surprising. I could see him clearly and feel the authors disgust. Well done!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! Its always nice to see a new face around here. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  331. no Comments

    Wild Child Mama

    Yowza!! I love creepy stories like this. Hmmm, cathartic? This must have been such a blast to write. I got the goose bumps all over at the end. Love love love it!!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Actually I am finding I enjoy the creepy stories, after all. They are fun to write. Thank you for stopping by and reading! I hope you are having a great weekend.

  332. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    Well well…your writing was fantastic and vivid. I hated this man and he’s fictional. I could see, hear and smell him and it was most unpleasant, plus the descriptions were so well done that I found my gasping while congratulating her.
    Either way you write this kind of story so well that I’m a little afraid of you, chances are you know how to ‘hide the body’

    Great job!!!!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Kir. Is it bad that I’m actually enjoying writing the creepy? LOL.

      When are you going to start linking up with the Bloggy Moms Writing Workshop? ????

  333. no Comments

    Carrie

    you know…this almost fits the Red writing hood as well. Just the hint of sexual tension and the possibility of oh so much more at the end ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      yes, it is written for that, too. I’m going to flesh it out more tonight to fit better.

  334. no Comments

    Christine

    I think my husband feels like this…often. I like this line a lot “I???d turn my head so you could see the eye roll, but I???m in the middle of a sentence. Horror novels don???t write themselves, you know.??? It tells me so much about their relationship.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I will confess that this is written from experience, LOL. While I have never blown my husband off to keep writing a horror novel, I can think of a time or two where he got blown off because I was in the moment with something. LOL.

      Thanks for stopping by and reading!

  335. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    OOOOOH, Steph, I loved this. LOOOOVED it.

    It was sexy and real, so vivid, I could have been sitting in that room and almost blushed when she went to him. The last line: Perfection.

    1. no Comments
  336. no Comments

    jessicaanne

    Fantastic take on the prompt! Very easy to relate to, writing or not, I think we’ve all done the blow off. I loved the sexiness you wrote at the beginning and the end. I may have blushed at the end. ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      You may have blushed at the end? Woot!! LOL. Thanks, Jessica!! ????

  337. no Comments

    NotJustAnotherJenn

    I love how realistic this was. How many times have we been in a similar situation? Maybe not horror story writing, but maybe cooking or washing dishes, or just watching TV, and one partner approaches the other who’s too busy, but then gives in to temptation. Great job.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Jen! I’m glad it was relate-able. It makes me feel really good to know that the time I spent going back and fixing it was time well spent.

  338. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    I absolutely adore this take!

    It’s all too relatable and there’s so much to love- your uncanny ability to respond to two prompts, the description around the desk, the karate chop ending.

    Girl? You nailed this one!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Aw shucks, thanks, Galit!

  339. no Comments

    Susan Hill

    Deliciously sinister. I admit I had to finish it once I read she hated him. wow.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you, Susan!!

  340. no Comments

    CDG

    I thought it was a great response to the prompts, and definitely sexy—especially since when I’m on a roll, I know my husband doesn’t think writing’s sexy, but I do…

    and everybody ends up winning then.

    One tiny thing? Calvin. Makes me think of Billy Crystal’s “Ride me, big Sheldon!” speech from WHMS. I know it’s totally a shallow, subjective thing, but I went from *mmmhmm* to *uh-uh* at the name.

    And yes. I know. That’s ridiculous.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Hahahahahaha!! And the funny thing is? Calvin just kind of inserted itself in there. LOL. Calvin and Anna are probably two of the unsexiest names I know. LMAO.

  341. no Comments

    The Week In Review: August 8-12

    […] My Eclectic Book challenges The Drama Mama: Alive and Kicking […]

  342. no Comments

    Ixy

    Nicely done – something about the beginning made me think she was going to incorporate him into some kind of real life horror! I think it was the thunder crack. So for me the happy ending was a twist.

  343. no Comments

    Ixy

    By the way, I like your new layout!

  344. no Comments

    CDG

    I love the sense of high stakes in so few words.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ohhhhhhhhhhh nice!! I’ll have to make sure I add some of the stakes in as I write the full version. ????

  345. no Comments

    Cheryl @ Mommypants

    I feel that way every time I run. ????

    1. no Comments
  346. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    I don’t run, but I immediately thought of Childbirth, the only thing that threw me was the word “enemy” …but I loved everything about it.

    have you redone this blog again??? I really like it. ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Yes. It might change again. I’m looking for….something. Clean lines, focus on my posts, professional look. This one doesn’t have as much flexibility but its a new wordpress theme, and I like it.

  347. no Comments

    jessicaanne12

    I love the prompt this week! So much said in so few words. I love your choice of the word enemy instead of competitor, leads me to thinking running for his life instead of a race.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ha. I never thought of it that way!!

  348. no Comments

    Ash at Shades (@AshAtShades)

    Makes me think of a horse race. Which makes me want a mint julep.

    Love how so many scenarios are able to fit your words.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Haha. It IS a horse race!

  349. no Comments

    aeliusblythe

    Arg–reminded me of cross country. Why did I ever think running to exhaustion was fun?

    Nice image shoved into so few words.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Well, thank you!

  350. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    Love the thrill of the race and seriously lady- love your new look!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. I can’t really take any credit for this one, but I’m really liking it too.

  351. no Comments

    Rita aka YippyMomma

    I was never a great long distance runner and always felt the descriptions you used when I had to do it. lol. Nicely done.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you!! It’s nice of you to stop by and introduce yourself. ????

  352. no Comments

    Frelle

    love the determination and motivation in this! great job!

    1. no Comments
  353. no Comments

    logyexpress

    The finish line is never as close as it looks. Nice take on the prompt.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      This was SO true!

  354. no Comments

    Carrie

    Definitely felt it was a race. I thought human but horse works as well.

    I like the new look. But I don’t like having all the buttons and other stuff pushed to the bottom (hence why I haven’t gone that way ;))

    1. no Comments

      DM

      yeah I wouldnt mind a couple here and there, but I like the cleanliness of the page.

  355. no Comments

    pauline

    first time here and love the blog layout. It’s awesome. your story in a tweet was incredible.

    1. no Comments

      Nicole Rivera

      Me too and I’m thinking all of the same things! Blog layout is awesome and this was such an energizing tweet. I felt the movement, the competition, the power… fabulous!

      1. no Comments

        DM

        Thank you both!!

    2. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Pauline!

    3. no Comments

      tuesday2

      First thing I noticed too! Your layout is clean and simple! Like it!

      1. no Comments

        DM

        Thanks! Getting all these compliments may make it worth having all the good stuff on the bottom.

  356. no Comments

    Karen @ Time Crafted

    Love the pacing and wanting more! :>

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m hoping to bring more as one of the Bloggy Moms Writing Workshop prompts is to write from the POV of a horse in a horse show or race…

  357. no Comments

    Erin

    That is how I feel in the last 5 minutes of my work out, without someone behind me! Perfectly put in so few words!

    1. no Comments
  358. no Comments

    tuesday2

    You just may have motivated me to put down my coffee cup (and my laptop) and head out for that overdue morning run!

    I’ll be back to visit-

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Well that’s such a nice compliment! Thank you!

  359. no Comments

    Carrie

    I’m glad to see that Blair still has that same fire. It would be a shame if this episode showed how weak she had become.

    I loved the line about the “vultures” awaiting her. Very amusing.

    1. no Comments

      Carrie

      Oh, and I just clicked through to your page with all the Blair stories and you might want to re-structure the links. It’s a bit difficult to determine the order . Maybe one long list instead?

      1. no Comments

        DM

        Yeah, I was thinking about that too. I should probably go back and fill in the gaps, but there should be a little mystery, hmm?

    2. no Comments

      DM

      it is very difficult to write Blair right now. She’s vulnerable and tough as nails at the same time. I’m following this up tomorrow for TRDC too.

  360. no Comments

    Heartsong « My Write Side

    […] Are Talking About… Awakening{WIP} WeatheredFor the Love of Mice No Pirates Allowed! Who I Am […]

  361. no Comments

    Lance

    Love the dialogue

    Glad you ended with that hopeful but cliffhangish line.

    AS always, I’m in. Good job.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Yay! I’m glad you liked it.

  362. no Comments

    Carrie

    Your dialogue has definitely improved from piece to piece. It gets stronger, more realistic. I just have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach…that Anthony won’t be everything we hope he will be…that there is something I missed or vaguely remember from another segment.

    Ack…

    1. no Comments

      DM

      So…that means I need to go back and edit all the dialogue before this piece, LOL! IDK, Anthony may be the one real constant she needs because things are about to get really hairy now.

  363. no Comments

    julie

    ‘For every brick placed on her wall, her heart removed three’ Loved this line. sounds like her heart might just win this one. Great conversation.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! You might be right.

  364. no Comments

    Nancy C

    I agree that your dialogue is true to life, and more importantly, balances between the internal and external currents. Meaning, you convey all of the various conflicts clearly.

    Fun and intriguing!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. I’m glad that it is balancing out. Perhaps I should choose to write this story immediately after reading more often.

  365. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    I love the romance,t he inner tension, the outer drama.

    I adore lines like -The silver that met her blue – they sound like poetry!

    Go you!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks. This is a romance in progress and I’m anxious to see how its going to play out.

  366. no Comments

    CDG

    I like the way you handled a character who’s obviously multi-faceted, but on the surface spoiled and (perhaps?) devious, but not malicious. The way she feints and parries is great; the dialogue is really strong.

    1. no Comments
  367. no Comments

    J.R. Reed

    Sweet. I could say more, but “Sweet” pretty much sums it up.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice. ????

  368. no Comments

    Cheryl @ Mommypants

    I liked the dialogue a lot. The pacing was good, as was the back and forth. Nice job!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! I think it was a little longer than you actually prefer, but I didn’t see anything I could leave out. At least the pacing was good.

  369. no Comments

    Kristy @PampersandPinot

    I love the way it ended!

  370. no Comments

    Carrie

    I went through all the past pieces again so I had a really good idea of what has gone on so far…I keep wondering if I am missing the deal with these patents that keep getting mentioned. Is there a piece that explains them??

    This section does a good job of building the tension. The plans are being set and moving forward. Not good for Blair.

    My only critique is the long pieces of dialogue. It feels like too much at once from each character. Maybe break it up with something? Or perhaps edit the dialogue down?

    I will say that your writing has really improved from the earlier pieces of this you posted a year or so ago

    1. no Comments

      DM

      The patents have only been alluded to at this point. There are still missing pieces that I need to write to fill in the gaps, and there is some that has never been published (like Bill’s seedy past).

      Thank you for the compliment on how much my writing has improved! It really means a lot to me!

      1. no Comments

        DM

        Also I just realized I’ve been calling them patents, and what they are supposed to be is permits…Oops.

  371. no Comments

    Chelle

    I like how you tied this week’s prompt into an ongoing story. I’m going to go back and read the stories before it. Can’t wait to find out what this is about.

    1. no Comments
  372. no Comments

    Jason Hughes

    I think that was very good, esp considering how outside of your comfort zone it was… I esp loved how we were to think of natural processes as a game, giving life and joy to an otherwise annoying (at least for me!) part of nature… I hate the wind, LOL!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I enjoy a simple wind, a soft breeze, like the one that would chase the leaf, but strong hurricane winds I can do without.

  373. no Comments

    Sausage

    Nicely done…that was bloody good.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! It’s very odd to not have my splashes of color throughout, but refreshing at the same time. I do not think I could write like this all the time, though.

  374. no Comments

    Lance

    swoon

    My favorite author, my favorite style, my favorite sentence structure.

    You killed it. It was was strong. Now we rest.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Wow thanks, Lance. How come I didn’t know you were a Hemingway fan before this? Haha. Rest sounds good.

  375. no Comments

    Renee

    This is simply lovely. Excellent work!

    1. no Comments
  376. no Comments

    Diane (PandorazBox80)

    Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I’ve never read Hemingway before but this makes me want to.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Wow!! What a nice compliment! Thank you!

  377. no Comments

    supermaren

    Yeah, you totally killed it. I wish I could give you something constructive, but can’t think of anything. I thought you just knocked it out of the park, especially since it was so outside your comfort zone.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I am not a Hemingway fan, but its thanks to caring friends and fellow indie inkers that I finally understood what its all about. It’s as unnatural for me as it comes, but after doing it? I’m still not a Hemingway fan, but I did enjoy this.

  378. no Comments

    Sarah

    Awesome!! What a great take on the prompt. I don’t think I could have handled it anywhere near as well!!

    1. no Comments
  379. no Comments

    billy flynn

    Awesome DM! The motion and the emotion you created was very good. I???m going to have to google Hemingway???s theory but you’ve have risen to the challenge elegantly.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you!! I always enjoy your take on the prompt too. You have an incredible imagination.

  380. no Comments

    (FL) Girl with a New Life

    What a cool prompt! And I enjoyed what you did with it. Makes me want to sit outside and write.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Well, isn’t that the best compliment I have ever received!! To inspire someone to write is probably the biggest dream a writer has.

  381. no Comments

    lizculver

    Wow, for being outside of your comfort zone (and I would have totally been there as well) you did an amazing job. Beautiful and sad.

    1. no Comments
  382. no Comments

    Carrie

    I’m not familiar with Hemingway much but regardless, I enjoyed the feeling of this. The floating, the sense of play.

    very pretty piece

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. I like the sound of it being a pretty piece, I don’t know why.

  383. no Comments

    amanda

    I used to be nervous when prompts were so far out of my comfort zone, but I’ve learned that it always ends up well. ???? I love your piece. Thanks for being brave and writing it.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      You know, when it’s all said and done, it was fun. Thank you.

  384. no Comments

    Carrie

    This piece has me a touch conflicted. In the beginning I assume Blair is thrilled to see Anthony again, in fact she expected him, hence the “play it off as a coincidence” that she was showing up at breakfast. With that in mind, I found it confusing that she would be embarrassed about her appearance. If she “knew” he would probably be there, she should have dressed more appropriately if these clothes weren’t the norm for her.

    But then you have her angry that he is there and begin forced to stay looking the way she is. So…confusing ????

    I do like the light-hearted nature you created at the end. A lot of tension between Blair and her father seems to have evaporated. And I’m liking Anthony.

    Something not related to this piece specifically, but the story overall is I have completely switched on how old I see Blair as being. When I first began reading these pieces I assumed she was older, like 40’s, maybe even pushing 50. I’m not sure why exactly. And so the romantic interludes seemed out of sync with my impression.

    Now, I’m thinking she is late 20’s, early 30’s…an adult trying to make her way without daddy. However, the episode in the hospital made me want to ramp up her age again. I assumed she had a heart attack and that’s not exactly common for younger people.

    Have I confused you?

    1. no Comments

      DM

      no, you havent confused me.

      I can see there is still a lot of work that needs to be done, and the beginning of this piece was more of an intention to try to play it off in front of her father, like there is nothing going on between her and Anthony. Then he makes her stay, just as she is, and she gets a little angry (because Blair is Blair) that she is forced to stay there as is, feeling less than her best, in front of the man she is dating. If she had known that her father was inviting him over, she would have primped and dressed much differently.

      She is in her 40s. She was with Louis in her 20s and has been mourning him for 20 years now. Anthony, if you remember from the beginning is actually younger, in his 30s. Hopefully the romance will weave in better when the piece is complete. I suspect Anthony has some growing up to do still too.

  385. no Comments

    Barbara Mascareno (@spanish4kiddos)

    That’s awesome how you started with the nursery rhyme saying and end up with such a great story. You’re a genius ???? I do have to go back and read the other stories because I was a little lost about what had happened before.
    As always, I love your vocabulary.
    Wishing you a great weekend,
    Barbara

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m not a genius, LOL, but I do appreciate your visiting and reading.

  386. no Comments

    juliemoore

    I like Anthony and the relationship Blair seems to have with her father. Seems like she’s got something good about to happen. I hope.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thats 2 for Anthony. Good. ???? Thank you!

  387. no Comments

    kelly garriott waite

    That was an amazing challenge and an amazing response. I can picture that leaf floating in the wind. Especially enjoyed your ending.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      It’s very comforting to know that despite the very factual aspects of this piece, you were able to see it enact. It gives me a whole new perspective on show not tell. A sort of…odd one. Thank you!

  388. no Comments

    Tina

    I think you did a great job, for being out of your comfort zone. You personified the wind, made it child-like. That was really cool!

    1. no Comments
  389. no Comments

    angela

    I love the parts between Blair and her father; it seems like they are falling into a comfortable place, and the tension eased a little ???? And I do like Anthony ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you for the helpful response. I’m really really glad you like Anthony.

  390. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    Oh my this is poetic. I adore the license tat you took making the wind sad.

    {You rocked it. NOT out of your league!}

    1. no Comments

      DM

      That’s very nice of you to say, LOL. I don’t think I could write like this all the time. It’s quite a conscientious style for me.

  391. no Comments

    Leslie

    I really enjoy reading your pieces and have stopped by after not reading in awhile.

    I love your writing style and will be back.
    Also, I nominated your blog for the versatile bloggers award. Check it out at my blog…http://gleaninggrace.blogspot.com/2011/09/award-for-moi.html

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you, leslie!! I’m glad you have started reading again.

  392. no Comments

    CDG

    I was right there with Anthony in terms of his observances of Blair and her father, but when he smirked, the choice of that word made me instantly dislike/distrust him, and I wasn’t sure that was the intended response.

    There’s a stew of family politics unser this fairly placid scene, though, and I love the tension it provides.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Hmmmm. Perhaps that needs more clarification because its his little smirk–a play at the corner of his lips–that endeared him to Blair. Sometimes when I post a few pieces together, I forget that someone may be reading for the first time, or may have missed a piece. Thank you for the reminder!

  393. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    I’m glad I read the comments because now I won’t ask the same questions..and knowing she is in her 40s and #nthony is in his 30s is a piece of this that I like..look forward to the places that will take us (sort of like Diane Keaton and Keanu in Something Gotta Give)
    I would change the word smirk at the end, I knew what you wanted to convey but the word is negative…it should be positive as he looks at His Blair.

    Great job…loving this story!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I changed it up a little bit, thank you for the suggestion.

  394. no Comments

    Debra Ann Gray-Elliott

    A very well written piece and one I can relate too!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you, Debra!!

  395. no Comments

    logyexpress

    Great story, any idea where Anna is now? I’d totally be internet stalking to find her now!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      no. I tried to find her when I got back online in 2005, but came up dry. I didn’t know her last name, and her screenname didn’t bring any hits. ???? I still think about her a lot today.

  396. no Comments

    angela

    Oh, I’m sad that you lost touch with someone who was so important to you in this growth of technology ???? It’s amazing how much things have changed from those early days.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      it really is, and its also amazing to see how much things haven’t..or rather how much I haven’t, LOL.

  397. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    First, I’m so, so sad that you lost touch with her!

    Second, I love that movie. Like a lot. Maybe an unhealthy amount? ????

    And third, yes. The relationships and friendships and community are breath taking, aren’t they?

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I have never honestly seen the movie, though I have seen clips. (yes, I know.)

      They are most definitely breathtaking. Thank goodness there are so many more that are worth it than people that aren’t.

  398. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    YES!!! This is exactly how I feel..that I grew right alongside the internet…and met people who mean so much to me even if I never get to meet them. I love the way this piece took us on a journey just like that!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you, Kir. As always your comments warm my soul.

  399. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    Wow, this is so good, the stream of words and feelings. I felt the pain of being that broken clock, the loss it is suffering as it ages and grows silent. It reminded me of an old woman in a rest home, just playing out her days, each day taking a little something more from her.

    It was just spectacular.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you, Kir!! I’m so glad the sense of loss came through.

  400. no Comments

    kaleba

    These online connections, unimaginable 15 years ago (for me anyway), are some of the most genuine and real friendships we make, even though we never meet in person. It’s a strange and wonderful thing.

    Nice post. I’m so glad you didn’t say Shadow Wolf Eyes died, I was so afraid you were going to when you mentioned her illness. I’m sorry you lost touch. That’s the thing about online friendships, they’re entirely dependent upon (often) unreliable technology.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I think if I remember correctly, her illness was more debilitating than it was fatal, but in either event, I have always been a little sad that i never found her again.

  401. no Comments

    Tina

    I never actually saw that movie, but I heard it was great. I really liked this piece!

    I am sorry that you lost touch with your online friend! I think that the internet is a great place to try on new hats and meet new people, but it’s nice to have a community, too!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I like that idea..trying on new hats.

  402. no Comments

    Carrie

    I was always jealous about that stupid “You’ve got Mail!” announcement. I SO WANTED TO HAVE AOL!!! But I’m Canadian. No AOL in Canada. At least not when the internet made it’s debut to the unwashed populace ????

    Too bad you couldn’t track down Anna. Maybe someday she’ll find you

    1. no Comments

      DM

      canada needed to get with the program. It’s funny because I don’t think you are the first person I’ve heard that from. Deja Vu maybe?

  403. no Comments

    Carrie

    I like the POV of the clock and the sadness you’ve evoked with its feelings of uselessness. I feel so sorry for the poor thing.

    Some critiques: the word cuckoo is overused a bit perhaps in the beginning. And I think you might be mixing tenses. It seemed to switch from a present to a past tense now and again.

    There’s some unnecessary words sprinkled throughout that could be cut and strengthen the piece. For example: “I don???t know how much time has passed but the voices are back though I cannot understand them anymore.” You could break this into 2 sentences and lose the word but. Or this one: “It is too often too quiet of late, I must confess.” You could drop the first ‘too’ and it flows better.

    Interesting piece, as always ???? Oh BTW, I am SO GLAD I wasn’t stuck with the prompt you came up with this week. That was just EVIL

    1. no Comments

      DM

      The overuse of the cuckoo is on purpose as it is an important part of the clock’s existence. I did switch on purpose as the clock had bits of memory mixed in with it’s present narration.

      Thank you for the advice on cutting some words out. I do think I get to be too wordy, and ever since the Hemingway challenge, I find myself thinking “is this simple enough?”

      As for my challenge? SHE ROCKED IT. And calling it EVIL makes me giggle. That’s kind of how I have felt about my string of challenges lately. I can’t complain though. I’m amazed at what I’m writing now.

  404. no Comments

    Feisty Cat

    Hey Drama Mama,

    I could feel the sadness and passage of time. Lovely. And, what an interesting concept; to tell it from the clock’s point of view.

    –Feisty Cat

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! I’m glad you felt the sense of loss. My original concept was that my greatest loss is time, then I went outside the box.

  405. no Comments

    Erin

    Amazing how friendships form from just words on a screen. I don’t know what I would do without being able to get online now.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      it is incredible isn’t it!

  406. no Comments

    Tara R.

    I really like that you went with the POV of the clock. Very creative. I think you conveyed the feeling of loneliness and helplessness nicely.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. I’m glad that I answered the challenge successfully.

  407. no Comments

    billy flynn

    DM, you never cease to surprise me. I???ve only done this for about 9 weeks, but each week I read your pieces and each time I am amazed at the depth of your imagination and your willingness to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone.

    I could feel the clock???s sadness as well as (her) hope that the inevitable just might be somehow be averted, but alas. Great post!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      You’ve only been doing this for 9 weeks? Seriously? Dude, you are such a pro. Thank you for your kind words on my story.

  408. no Comments

    alyssagoesbang

    holy moly. you’re amazing! such a wonderful idea to go with the pov of the clock, yet i still felt every emotion on such a personal level. poor guy. but wow, wow, wow. fantastic job with this one.

    1. no Comments
  409. no Comments

    The Week In Review: September 12-16

    […] Kayla challenges The Drama Mama: The Weight of Silence […]

  410. no Comments

    Anastasia

    I like it. I can feel her pain and anger.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you, and it’s nice to meet you!

  411. no Comments

    Sweaty

    I know this is fiction, but it’s almost as if I could see Regina in all her fury and the whole scene you described here playing before my very eyes.

    Nothing hurts more than to be denied the love of a parent. The pain cuts deep; my heart tightened as I read this.

    Wonderful writing. Really, you’re a pro!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      oh i’m far from a pro, but thank you for thinking so!

  412. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    Oh my the anger the passion absolutely flies {and rages and punches and kicks and screams!} from the screen. I’d say? You got your message across loud and clear!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Yeah, in re-reading it, I think I actually flinched at the very end. Thanks, Galit. Your kind words always warm my heart.

  413. no Comments

    Nancy C

    “She doubled over as a wave of pain surged through her body; her voice suddenly silent, her mouth left gaping,”

    I like this because this demonstrates showing. This really helps us picture her emotional state in our mind’s eye.

    Can I be honest? She’s so angry and abrasive that I almost see why the father picked Blair. She’s in an angry state indeed, but she seems to be a bit nasty, too. Could you soften her? Maybe less pounding and more tears, trembling?

    She herself may not be there yet.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I don’t know if I can. She really is a vile, nasty woman, so soft just isn’t something that she is. At least, I haven’t discovered her soft side yet. Perhaps later, I can do that.

  414. no Comments

    sarahealy

    You did a wonderful job of a showing pure, unadulterated, blow out of loss and betrayal. I really felt for this woman, even if I’m glad I wasn’t standing in front of her in this state.

    It was how you presented her with no excuses that made this story so powerful for me. I’ve felt this rage before myself. It isn’t nice and it isn’t comfortable, but it is real.

    I hope this character resolves some of this pain and is able to release it because it’s holding her down. I have a feeling you will take care of that, but letting me see her naked pain and anger is an important part of really seeing this character.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ah, good. Regina so far has been a very vile hateful character. Peeling her layers off is not so easy. Every layer has its own vile. I’m a bit curious myself to see what happens to her at the end.

  415. no Comments

    Carrie

    Ooohh, a new prompt site? I’ll have to check this out.

    Onto the piece, I love how Blair gets herself sorted so quickly, it definitely speaks to her confidence.

    Bill is a question…he is secretly working AGAINST her, right? Working with Regina? Is he a love interest for Blair, is he romantically involved with Regina? Have I missed some backstory about him? I was pretty sure I’d read it all ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      No, he’s not really a love interest for Blair, though they were having a romp in the hay despite the business relationship, and yes, you must have missed the pieces where Bill is revealed as being in cahoots with Regina. Anthony catches him in a phone call while Blair is in the hospital. Try reading the Betrayed piece again. ????

      As for being romantically involved with Regina, no, but there is a connection. It hasn’t been revealed yet.

  416. no Comments

    Carrie

    Regina is a very angry woman. You’ve already portrayed the evil, the vile, and the nasty aspects of her but this. This is her true self being revealed.

    I actually feel a little sorry for her. She just wants that acceptance. Unfortunately she is going about it the wrong way by trying to sabotage Blair.

    Have you written her backstory yet? Do we know why Blair’s dad doesn’t beleive she is his daughter?

    1. no Comments

      DM

      No, I haven’t written her backstory yet. I figured it must be a part of whatever is in that desk that Regina wants the key to so badly.

  417. no Comments

    jaszminedt

    This was a carefully written piece and well thought out.

  418. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    Oh this was really wonderful, the suspense holds you and all the questions it brings up make it such interesting reading.

    I have more respect for Blair with every piece, she is just such a strong character…and you write her beautifully even in her dark mements.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m discovering the beauty that is Blair as well. As I remove a layer, she just seems to get stronger each time.

  419. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    She scares me and I suppose that is the point. I’ve read the comments and so I am a little disappointed that there is no redeeming qualities in her, I look for the good even in the evil and if she has none, then I can say that you are writing her perfectly, with no exception. The rage, despair and utter betrayl she feels is so apparant I felt the puches intended for Bill.

    Really enjoying this story sweets

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Kir. I don’t know that I would say there are no redeeming qualities, only that she is not soft. I’m finding it much easier to write Blair’s story than Regina’s.

  420. no Comments

    Renee

    Oh so intriguing. I can feel the pots stirring.
    Glad to see you here.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      it was nice to stumble on this contest! I was glad to see you there also. Good luck!

  421. no Comments

    angela

    Oh, she’s so angry. I’m sad to hear that you haven’t “found” any redeeming characteristics within her yet. Hopefully one of the layers finds something a little softer, because even a villan needs to have a little something human, I think ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I think this whole thing with trying to make her father acknowledge her and this bitter thing with Blair is going to show her humanness, I just don’t know how yet. She’s had a last name change, so she has been married, plus there has to be a reason why Bill feels obligated to help here, and there are a few other issues that I need to expand on that just haven’t presented the opportunity for yet. I have to believe that she wasn’t always like this, right? Writing in 600 word chunks has its disadvantages and its advantages when writing a serial like this.

  422. no Comments

    Erin

    I am enjoying learning more and more about Regina. I can definitely feel her pain and her anger! Excellent job!

    1. no Comments
  423. no Comments

    Kristy @PampersandPinot

    Very unique, and it offered so much to think about!

  424. no Comments

    CDG

    The knife-edge of anger and bitter mirth is a delicate one, and here I feel like she’s slipping over into madness. If that is the intent? Brilliant.

    The ending, with its stone-cold fury, is icy and blazing and wonderful. Well done.

  425. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    Go you and your story and your words! XO

    1. no Comments
  426. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    I really liked this installment…wow Regina is just evil and bitter…but the way you write her is truly amazing. This was no exception.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I wouldnt say amazing. LOL. I seem to be writing myself into a hole. Let’s see if I can dig myself out.

  427. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    Wow, wow, wow. I felt like the wind…I was breezy and light and floating. Great job!

    1. no Comments
  428. no Comments

    Taylor

    Everything worked! I loved it!

    1. no Comments
  429. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    every single line was just riveting, I couldn’t take my eyes away.
    His “frau” what a wonderful word to give us…and” I am from the townhouse filled with hillbillies and Monday Night Football with Bocephus and the Super Bowl Shuffle. From gullies filled with sky high adventure, and secret spots underneath the willow tree.”
    I loved…it told me so much about your household, how very alike we all are underneath.

    WOW, my friend, you always steal my breath when you write.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      And you , my friend, never fail to make me blush. And you are 100% correct. Underneath it all, no matter our roots, we are all alike.

  430. no Comments

    Carrie

    I was going to try that prompt but I got too intimidated ????

    Great job!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      You didn’t do it back when it was a TRDC prompt? You totally should do it. You will rock it. It’s only intimidating in your head. ????

  431. no Comments

    Tina

    Sigh…this brought some memories to the front…

    In other words, great job! Except that now, I have to go and find some of those gummi bears…

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Haribou makes the closest version of authentic German gummi bears. If you find some, let me know!

  432. no Comments

    Grams

    “I am from the townhouse filled with hillbillies” … that is very vivid. I love the imagery it evokes. Good job with this prompt.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! I love when my readers have vivid responses.

  433. no Comments

    Chelle

    Ooohhhh, this is good! I love how you captured how a person can be driven to revenge and the little steps they plan along the way. Visualize me rubbing my hands together at the villain you’ve created.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      LOL the image you asked me to visualize gave me a little chuckle.

  434. no Comments

    Loyal « My Write Side

    […] you guess it was the Time Keeper? GA_googleAddAttr("AdOpt", "1"); GA_googleAddAttr("Origin", "other"); […]

  435. no Comments

    Karen Peterson

    “Tall, dark and sinister.”

    Great way to start out!

  436. no Comments

    Erin

    ” I have very little downtime at all, yet plenty of time on my hands.”

    My favorite line of it all! Leaves so much open!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I didn’t even realize, but you are right!

  437. no Comments

    Sweaty

    “I have very little downtime at all, yet plenty of time on my hands” Oooh… steamy! lol

    “My voice may be wooden, but my heart is real, my blood is red, and my land is dry” Why for some reason I have Clint Eastwood in my mind when reading this? Hahaha.

    Definitely a rough-on-the-edges kind of guy you got there! ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Actually I was thinking of the Daniel guy that plays in the Cowboys and Aliens movie when I was creating him, with a mixture of other factors involved.

  438. no Comments

    Jackie

    I love it…. so many possibilities with this person! I see the making of something you could continue!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I do hope to get back to the story, and I hope that he will appear more within it.

  439. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    He sounds so mysterious and achingly complex. I can’t wait to see who he is, and take the “ride” with him. Brilliant job!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Kir. I always appreciate that you come around. Your support really means the world to me.

  440. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    Hmm- I love the mysteriousness of this man and -ahem- can’t wait for your big reveal!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Yeah, it was at the very bottom. He is the Time Keeper from the steampunk series I started. he is rather mysterious. It was fun to peel off some of his layers.

  441. no Comments

    Tina

    I can honestly say that I knew who you were talking about! Yay me! But what kind of first date would happen if you dated the Time Keeper? That would be the story!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      YAY!! You know, that would be interesting. Maybe I will go off on the side and explore the possibility sometime.

  442. no Comments

    Katie

    Wow. A very mysterious and compelling character you’ve got yourself here! I was so intrigued I had to click your link to see his origination. The genre of his story is brilliant. Definitely makes me want to read more!

    I loved this line, as it really began for me the mystery of this character:

    “In fact, I have very little downtime at all, yet plenty of time on my hands.”

    Great job!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed the story. I really need to get back to it.

  443. no Comments

    Anastasia

    I loved it. I like that you start feeding us clues right away, but they get more obvious as we keep reading.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. I’m glad the clues weren’t overly subtle.

  444. no Comments

    angela

    I like the little clues sprinkled throughout, using bits and pieces to hint at something more than meets the eye!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Yes!! You absolutely got it!

  445. no Comments

    juliemoore

    I can’t decide if I’d want to fall for the Time Traveller or not. I don’t like long distance realtionships. Unless he could take me with him…. He sounds like an awesome guy though.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      The Time Keeper stays where he is, he doesn’t jump through time like the other guy does. Perhaps you were thinking of the other character from that same story?

  446. no Comments

    Lance

    Like the small clues and the sarcasm or use of words that someone other than time keeper would call sarcasm.

    Good job, Dm.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I think he might have a sarcastic side as well. Thanks for noticing and appreciating it.

  447. no Comments

    CDG

    I love that you went for the challenging character – the less obvious choice. The description in this is great, and I imagine I’m sensitive to it after the memoir prompt earlier in the week. The line about enjoying subtle evenings in the shadows is killer. Love it.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I had 3 ads written up–this one, one for Louis, and one for Regina (which gave away a little secret), but this one won. It was more fun to work on a character that doesn’t have a lot of development than to feed off of one that is more well known. This was a great challenge and fun too!

  448. no Comments

    Jen Has A Pen

    I never write fiction. I’m scared of it. When I started this, I assumed this was someone from your life – not a character. You obviously know your characters so well, as your writing is extremely connected.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I wouldn’t say I know them so well. They often surprise me, but thank you for the compliment!

  449. no Comments

    Rox (@roxisbrilliant)

    So I actually don’t know the story (I’m thinking I should go check it out!), but this was a great post. Very evocative.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! I’m glad you checked it out too. Will I see some Steampunk from you soon too?

  450. no Comments

    Rox (@roxisbrilliant)

    This is fantastic! I’ve always wanted to try Steampunk. ????

    Concrit: “The sun had disappeared in a blaze of glory behind the silhouette of the mountain range way beyond.” – I think you can take out “way beyond”. It feels very awkward in that sentence.

  451. no Comments

    Carrie

    I never guessed it was the Timekeeper…I’d forgotten about that story (it’s been mostly Weathered lately ????

    Great job. He sounds even more intriguing.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Yeah, it’s gone on the backburner for now. Blair and Co just screams at me…LOL.

  452. no Comments

    Cheryl @ Mommypants

    I absolutely knew it was time keeper. I love how you humanized him while at the same time, made it clear he’s not human. Well done!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Yay!! I’m glad you remembered him. I’m also glad that someone caught on to the fact that he is not 100% human.

  453. no Comments

    Carrie

    So Bill was her lover before Anthony…and now, later in the story, he’s working WITH Regina to ensure Blair fails…

    so, did Blair dump Bill? Is he bitter?

    Small critique: your dialogue when Blair discovers who Regina is is a bit rough. I stumbled over the phrasing. Maybe read it aloud with the emphasis you think she would be making and see if it needs to be tweaked. Probably just needs a word cut here and there, some contractions made.

    More intrigue and the plot thickens. Love it

    1. no Comments

      DM

      This piece honestly is rubbish in the grand scheme of the story. It started off as conversation between Blair and Anthony, then I realized there is no way that she would not know that Regina was her college roommate this late in the story, so I switched to Bill. It’s a rewrite to a very early chapter, which will need a lot more rewriting, apparently, LOL.

      Thanks for offering such great critique.

  454. no Comments

    Karen @ Time Crafted

    I like that there are small details checkering the ad that lead you to the destination of ‘something more’. You chose a fascinating perspective to write the ad from! :>

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you, Karen!

  455. no Comments

    Vote for Your Favorite Writing Contest Finalist | Suess's Pieces

    […] “Business as Usual” at From My Write Side […]

  456. no Comments

    Andrea S. Michaels

    I truly enjoyed it. The beginning and the end were very strong, really good work. I’m glad you didn’t overdo the accent in writing, that can be quite irritating but yours was just at the right amount. Well done.
    – andrea

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. The dialect was a concern, since i felt that if it pained me to write it, it may pain my readers to read it, but I’m very pleased to know it had the right balance.

  457. no Comments

    Indieink | SEASON OF CHANGE

    […] From The Drama Mama: […]

  458. no Comments

    Tara R.

    Yikes! Makes me glad I only have pine trees in my yard.

    I liked the dialect too. Very believable and not overdone.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I have a lone cherry blossom tree and I am very happy. Last year we lived in the woods. Talk about leaves!!!

  459. no Comments

    lizculver

    That was pretty intense at the end! This read a little bit like a Stephen King character – someone descending deeper and deeper into madness over something seemingly as simple as leaves.

    I’m in agreement with Andrea – it is hard to read accents for a sustained period but the amount to set the scene here was okay.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I have to admit that he is one of my top 5 favorite authors, so I’ll take that as a huge compliment!

      And note to self…do not write a book with a main character that has a strong dialect. ????

  460. no Comments

    Feisty Cat

    I love how you combined prompts. Dark stuff. Really dark. Hard read (i.e., I was cringing), but a good one.

    –Feisty

    1. no Comments

      DM

      So, it was dark in a good way? YAY!

  461. no Comments

    Niqui

    Good job! I was totally into the story and I could see it playing out in my head like a movie. I really liked it.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      it always amazes me when someone says they can see it playing out in their head like a movie. Thank you!

  462. no Comments

    Jennifer

    Great voice! What part of the country is this from? Sounds a bit like the south, but all the leaves would suggest midwest?

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Well. it was actually a character of Stephen King’s ( a narrator) that inspired this, so I think its supposed to be northeast–Maine, Vermont, etc.

  463. no Comments

    Carrie

    This was dark and disturbing. Right from the get go I had the worst feeling about how this might end.

    Definitely had a Stephen King flavor!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Right from the get go? Yes. ????

  464. no Comments

    billy

    DM, I loved it, had an idea that all that red was leading to a messy ending but I was laughing all the way. And to ask to burrah the freezer: perfect!! Great post!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      LOL. Laughing was not was I was expecting, but I have to admit that it was fun to right. Does that make me diabolical too?!? Scary!! Ha. Thanks, Billy!

  465. no Comments

    amanda

    How weird and crazy and funny. I love it.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you, Amanda.

  466. no Comments

    Carrie

    Lovely and intriguing. I’ve seen more (obviously) so I’m curious how the healer will help and what his price will be ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you so much for your help. Having a writing partner is like crack. When she’s gone for a few days, you still need your fix ???? Thanks for filling in.

  467. no Comments

    Karen @ Time Crafted

    Hmmm….doesn’t always pay to be beautiful, does it? Or is it a bigger burden to not be able to see past external beauty, in this case, literally. I’m interested to see where this fairy tale takes us and what the healer in India has to offer! :>

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Yes, and I’m not sure which is going to play the larger role. The inability to see past external beauty or being beautiful to begin with. Thank you for reading!!

  468. no Comments

    AmyBeth Inverness

    I love how this is told in the fairytale style! When you got to the part about blindness, it felt somewhat abrupt, but that might be a casualty of having to edit down to 600 words.

    Are you going to try and fit whatever the prompts are next week into the next part of the story? Or will you just continue it on its own?

    1. no Comments

      DM

      hmm I will have to go back to the beginning then so its not so abrupt. I am going to try to fit next week’s prompts in to finish this, but I might work on it alone too. These images were great prompts. The story is still just unwinding in my head.

  469. no Comments

    Barbara, via Write on Edge

    Unique and inventive – quite the cliff-hanger!

    Love that beauty is a double edge sword, can’t wait to see how that and this – – “So many traveled from far and wide that the king and queen had lost head count, and never knew to miss those who were not invited-” play out.

    No con-crit, really, just enjoyment!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m glad you are enjoying this and find it unique and inventive. I hope that it continues to be unique as the story unfolds.

  470. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    Wow!!! You just nail it every single week, please come to PA and teach me to spin tales like yours. Pretty PLEASE. I see a tragic ending coming or one like Shrek where the right answer is not the obvious one. Loved it!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m trying to avoid making it into a Grimms type tale, so let’s just go with it being more like Shrek or even Aladdin, for that matter.

  471. no Comments

    Valerie

    I can’t wait for the rest of this! I love how you handled the prompt here-you’ve created a good old fashioned classic fairy tale. I will be checking back for part two:) Nicely done!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I can’t wait to see how it all works out myself! I have some of part 2 done, but its too much for this word count, so I’ll probably just fluff up a middle part maybe and leave it where it is. Here’s hoping that next week’s prompts will take me there.

  472. no Comments

    jessicaanne

    I love where this took you. And I love, love, love the Indian healer. I want more of this fairy tale. Please, you kill me with the cliff hangers.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Sorry about that. When I started the story I had intended for it to be just a story, contained within the 600 words, but well, it took on a life of its own….

  473. no Comments

    Chelle

    Hey lady,
    I voted for you and twittered and su’d as well!!!!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      You are awesome!! Thank you!!

  474. no Comments

    Renee

    Here I am, all ready for the answer. And what?!
    I have to wait.
    Good job pulling me in. I’ll be waiting…

  475. no Comments

    CDG

    Wait? I have to wait?

    I love a fairy tale. I like that you’re drawing on a rich tradition of stories without being overly derivative, and your use of the prompt? Inspired!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Well y’all are the ones that impose the word count. ???? LOL.

      Thank you. I’m really hoping to stay mostly original in my spin of old ideas.

  476. no Comments

    Tina

    I loves me some fairy tales!!! You captured the lyrical quality that fairy tales seem to have–I could almost see this being told to a group of children by the fireplace.

    I can’t wait to read what happens next!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      It’s interesting because this story started with a girl sitting on the benches, with a flashback to her grandmother telling this story, sitting in the same old rocking chair, in front of a roaring fire. That part got cut for the word count, but I may go and add it back as I finish up the story. I had a nice little twist that worked into.

  477. no Comments

    debseeman

    I await the next chapter. I’m intrigued and want to find out if there will be a “happily ever after”

    Some CONCRIT: I’m a writer who uses a lot of metaphor and miss having some of it in a fairy tale. Definitely some opportunities to expand the “view”.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Your concrit is noted, thank you!

  478. no Comments

    Erin

    You did excellent! A fairy tale that I have to wait for the ending?! DARN! Reminds me of the princess bride, where the little boy kept asking and interrupting…..so I’ll just shut up and wait to see what happens next! =)

    1. no Comments

      DM

      LOL! “I’ll just shut up and wait to see what happens next! :)” Hahahahha. You are so funny ????

  479. no Comments

    Chelle

    Oh, where to start????
    The first sentence-pulled me in right away.
    The dialect-made me like the character right away.
    I do like the Stephen King flavor since he is one of my favorite author’s. So to read a story like this, is right up my alley!!!
    You always amaze me, lady. And inspire me!!!!!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Inspiring is good. I hope that I can continue to inspire you ladies at BMWW. If I can’t inspire you, then I’m not doing my job. ????

      Thank you, Chelle!

  480. no Comments

    Rainyday

    I highly enjoyed reading this! I found Days 17, 22 and 30 to be a bit slow, but it did set the tone. I’d love to read more!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      yes, that was all they were really for, to set the tone, show his increasing anger/insanity. Thank you for reading!

  481. no Comments

    R.L.W.

    Very entertaining… and disturbing. Great job!

  482. no Comments

    Writing Contest Official Results | Suess's Pieces

    […] a total of 58 votes,?????Business as Usual?????takes third place. Stephanie […]

  483. no Comments

    Chelle

    Congrats! How exciting!!!!!!!!!!

  484. no Comments

    logyexpress

    My Mom HATES raking leaves so much, this reminded me of her at the very beginning, even though she totally does not have an accent like this! It quickly stopped reminding me of Mom! Wow, good stuff. So disturbing, and yes maybe just a touch amusing. Who hasn’t been annoyed at a neighbor’s actions (or inaction)?

  485. no Comments

    Renee McKinley (@2old2tap)

    Is there more of this? You know this is my genre of choice for reading. I’m in love with the dancing, weaving fog.
    My only concrit would be to break up some of the sentences. And in the first line, I was thinking of party in the wrong context. Maybe hunting (or whatever) party.

    By the way, is there more of this?

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Yes. There are 20+ chapters. You’ve read some of this before. This excerpt is from Chapter 6 or 7 before they go inside the big willow tree (if you remember).

  486. no Comments

    Anastasia

    It absolutely made me want to read more.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Good, but did I take you there? Could you see it? Were you there?

  487. no Comments

    kidfriendlyja

    whoa I am spooked. Love how you easily portrayed the two differing moods of the places.
    I agree the word party though is confusing. I settled on party meaning group.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      You are correct. This is a small “party” of “outcasts” working together because they believe that one of them is the one the prophecy speaks of, and they believe in their cause.

  488. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    Nymphs that want to steal my soul!!!!??? If I wasn’t so intriqued and sucked in I’d be truly scared.

    One of my favorite books growing up was The Hobbit. (I didn’t finish the trilogy until I was in my 20’s) but when you write about these characters I am reminded of that book and how accessible you make this kind of genre to me. It is understandable and interesting. I never critique you..I wouldn’t dare…yet with this one there is simply no need, it’s wonderful!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I really wish you would critique me though. I know that you enjoy my writing, but don’t be afraid to tell me how it would/could be better. Never be afraid. ????

      Thank you for always being such a huge support.

  489. no Comments

    ADL

    I liked a lot of your imagery. Perhaps using the active voice instead of “could be seen” or “were led.” I got stuck at those points. Otherwise I wanted to know more about who was running and from what!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. I believe I have fixed that.

  490. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    Yay! I love getting this glimpse- and it is all that you promised rich and descriptive and evocative! Go you! ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Aww thank you, lady!

  491. no Comments

    Karen @ Time Crafted

    Wow. Your descriptions are amazing, they draw you in like an intense quiet conversation, one you hold your breath for, to capture it all. Wow.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Wow, your comment is amazing. An intense quiet conversation…wow. I’m blushing.

  492. no Comments

    Cheryl @ Mommypants

    I also thought of a different kind of party, especially followed by a “cheerful” stream. It seemed out of place with the rest of the story, especially since they’re being pursued.

    I enjoyed the rest of the descriptions. The woods are definitely creepy!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Do you know, cheerful was a last minute addition? I changed it. Hopefully “busy” works better. This part was originally written in first person but due to the beta readers thinking the switching from one voice to another was too confusing, I am working on putting all in the third person. That made this a little awkward here.

  493. no Comments

    angela

    The woods are menacing and filled with melancholy at the same time. Very descriptive!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I never cease to be amazed by how my readers take in my words. Sometimes even I get a new perspective out of it. Many times, it leads me in new directions.

  494. no Comments

    Tim@sogeshirts

    This is awesome. I need to go back to read some of the other chapters. This part is both enchanting and a bit creepy. Can’t wait to see what happens next and what that mention of death is about. Great descriptions!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      The death climbing up the nostrils was supposed to symbolize the way it smelled, so maybe I will fix that some in the final draft. Thank you, Tim. It was really awesome of you to stop by and read!

  495. no Comments

    Carrie

    I think this is one of my favorite pieces I have read of your so far. It’s extremely strong, the writing is tight, it flows beautifully.

    I have no suggestions. It’s awesome

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Let’s hope the rest of this story can flow this tightly. Thank you, Carrie, really.

  496. no Comments

    CDG

    “The horses hooves lifted higher as the ground beneath them turned lecherous…”

    I love that. The anthropomorphizing is really effective. It’s threatening and sly, and really colors the description around it.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m glad it worked for you. Thank you!

  497. no Comments

    Lance

    Great word play and attention to detail. This is one of my favorite drama mama pieces ever.

    It’s eerie and dramatic and kind of sneaks up on you in it’s coolness. I dig it.

    1. no Comments
  498. no Comments

    Shah Wharton

    This was a beautiful read. And a brilliant tease for your book. I do so love Fantasy novels and going from this, all I can say is if you need a Beta reader I’m in ;D (is that cheeky? )

    Just wanted to say thank you for your encouraging comment of my little F.F The Dark Dance. You have a wonderful blog here – its up on my side-bar blog roll so i’ll be back to read more ;D

    Shah X

    1. no Comments

      DM

      What a huge compliment!! Thank you so much. I emailed you regarding beta reading.

  499. no Comments

    Chelle

    I thought I’d posted a comment earlier. Probably technical error on my part. So, I’ll try again.

    I get an autographed copy, right? ????

    I wanted River to attack the troll who couldn’t see him, I was scared and worried River’s horse was going to be hurt when the troll lunged for it, blue scales?? Loved that description. Puts thinking about trolls in a whole different light. And the exhaustion after the battle. I was right there with them!.

    Great story!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ha. If I survive the edits, then yes, I will give you an autographed copy. ???? LOL. Thanks for stopping by Chelle and liking my little ol’ story.

  500. no Comments

    Gwendolyn Gage

    Great piece! It clearly shows River needing to make a decision, and fast. I would have liked to see River’s name mentioned in the very beginning, and wondered who “they” consisted of, but it still works that he comes in on the second paragraph. Again, great descriptive battle scene. ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      This is from my completed novel (in editing stage) and “they” consists of River (who is a halfbreed, dwarf and human), 2 humans (Gwyneth and Petrus), a shaman (Brandlance), an elf (Ainasa), an orc (Kub), and a werebeing (a female werewolf named Faoil). I exceeded the 300 word count, but didn’t really see how it could be cut down any further. I’m glad it wasn’t too confusing without the preceding piece and the following parts (which has them looking for a place to camp but they get a new adventure instead). Thanks for checking it out!

  501. no Comments

    Carrie

    I enjoyed this little snippet. I think you did a good job describing the battle, both the physical one and the one in River’s mind as he has to decide what to do.

    My only critique is the beginning of the second paragraph felt odd. Is it narration, is it River’s thoughts? It feels like a half and half and neither option really works. A bit of a rework is needed I think

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Originally it was River’s thoughts since it was written from his POV, but based on the 1st round comments, a third person POV limited was the better choice, so some of the transitions are a little rough. Methinks there is a lot of reworking needed. ????

  502. no Comments

    Carrie

    Trying out the challenge huh? Fun isn’t it, doing just 100 words?

    Well, all I can say is WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?? I must know

    1. no Comments

      DM

      LOL. I have no idea what happens next, and yes this was fun!

  503. no Comments

    Carrie

    Damn, I really need to check in at Studio 30+ more.

    I love the idea of a “muse” coming to you as you sleep, to inspire your story.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Have you checked out Lightning Bug? Prompts there too. And thank you. ????

  504. no Comments

    Tara R.

    I loved this description: ‘…the smile that was devouring her face…” I can picture that and it made me smile. Great imagery.

    1. no Comments
  505. no Comments

    debseeman

    My notice of this post has been languishing in my inbox. I’m so glad (and creeped) that I decided to not “dump” my inbox and read. I’m excited to know there is so much more. Your descriptions are spot on and I feel the cold and the fear in this setting.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. it is very important to me to know that I am not overdoing the descriptions either, so thank you.

  506. no Comments

    Lance

    The descrition are spot on. I like the muscle you wrote with. This is really brawny in it’s honesty and emotion. Great piece, DM

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ohh I like that. Thanks!! ????

  507. no Comments

    Andrea

    I love the twist that you took with this prompt. I also love ideas coming in ones sleep! Well done. ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Andrea. The Haunted prompt from Studio Thirty really helped the idea along.

  508. no Comments

    Cheryl @ Mommypants

    I’m still waiting for that muse to show up and tell me what to do! ????

    1. no Comments
  509. no Comments

    mish

    Oh shoot … did you have to end it there ? Can we expect a sequel ?

    http://writer-in-transit.co.za/substance-dream/

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Actually there are a whole bunch of “Sequels” to this in the tab above marked “writings” then “weathered”

  510. no Comments

    Jackie

    Well first of all I wish that the word limit was a little longer! It always leaves the reader wanting more but even so I think that this one can stand alone too.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Good. That’s what I was hoping for. I could have done a little more with this with more words and still ended it the same way. I’m glad it works.

  511. no Comments

    Karen @ Time Crafted

    Some of the best muses are glimpsed in a dream. :> And thanks for the reminder to go check in with Studio 30 & Lightning Bug for prompts!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m not sure I have figured out Lightning Bug yet, but I’m looking forward to it.

  512. no Comments

    Erin

    Oh I love this, I can’t tell you how many times I have seen that glimpse right before I go to sleep, and it makes for amazing things to come!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      LOL, well I don’t know that I would want THIS particular character haunting me every night, but yes, I do know exactly what you mean. ????

  513. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    Yes, this. The character that writers him or herself that just won’t leave you alone until you wrote them, dammit. Yes, that.

    1. no Comments
  514. no Comments

    Sarah

    You definitely left me wanting more!! Great entry to the 100 words.

    1. no Comments
  515. no Comments

    CDG

    I’d read a story about a marked hero barging in and stealing the show from the pirate, maiden, gentleman trio.

    For sure.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I can think of a couple of places where he would fit in too. ????

  516. no Comments

    (FL) Girl with a New Life

    Ooh. Is he a ghost? Love the premise here. Very sexy.

    Always happy to see you working your craft.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Sort of. He was haunting her dreams until she wrote him in, like so many of our characters do.

      It’s so nice to see you!

  517. no Comments

    Carrie

    Did the mother play with her genetics and that is how Cage was born with his abilities?

    This is a complex tale, one you need to read over a few times to fully understand. I’m clearly missing bits because the names of the four speaking to the TimeKeeper aren’t familiar.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I dont know all the specifics yet. This part is further than I have actually written so far, so you’ll just have to hang out and see. ????

  518. no Comments

    Velvet Verbosity (@velvetverbosity)

    Nice. Full of intrigue. I imagine it as the beginning-ish of a techie futuristic spy novel.

  519. no Comments

    Billy Flynn

    just got on board, love the story line dm! i’m curious about many things in this story; when i’m curious about stuff in a story it generally means it’s a great story! Well done!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Billy. This is a new story too, so I’m curious to see how it will unfold and if i can do the Steampunk genre deserving since this is also like a sci-fi YA thing.

  520. no Comments

    Anastasia

    I like it! Very creepy.

    1. no Comments
  521. no Comments

    Sweaty

    Sounds like a very creepy, haunted house! Eek!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      And I’m wondering just how creepy a haunted house I can create now. Thanks for your thoughts!

  522. no Comments

    Tina

    EEEEEE!!! Scary!

    P.S. I like the new look!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. I like it too.

  523. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    Ok, I am so glad it’s morning because that freaked me out. I don’t do well with scary stuff…and “hearing those screams” really spooked me. Nice Job Steph! I am “reading you” all weekend..I need to catch up!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      You are so brave, Kir. You are hopping around today despite the prompt. This is why I admire you.

  524. no Comments

    Amanda

    hmmm wonder how the blood got there?

  525. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    Eek! Very scary!

    1. no Comments
  526. no Comments

    Ratz (@RatZest)

    Oh Dear!! This really freaked me out.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ha! I’m glad but I hope it didn’t freak you out too much.

  527. no Comments
    1. no Comments
  528. no Comments

    Jackie

    Blood on the walls, totally freaked me out, combined w/those whispers. AAAH!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I do think the screams were the clincher.

  529. no Comments

    Tomekha

    Wow. I’m chilled.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ohh. Did you get iced? ????

  530. no Comments

    Katie

    Yes! it worked! LOVE stories like this. haunted houses get me every time ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks!! It might be fun to write a haunted house story.

  531. no Comments

    angela

    Oooh, blood on the walls is scary. I want to know what story it will tell.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m sure there’s more where that came from. I have the sleepless nights to prove it, LOL.

  532. no Comments

    Karen @ Time Crafted

    Ooo…now I want to know why! Why it’s there, why it’s been there and not removed, why the screams, only on dark knights. There’s a bigger tale there! :>

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I think there is too. Maybe I’ll get an oportunity to use it before NaNo starts up. I am seriously considering self publishing a book of the creepy stories. That might be fun!

  533. no Comments

    Kim

    I’m just glad I don’t have to clean the walls – now THAT would be scary!

    1. no Comments
  534. no Comments

    Renee

    Oh perfect! Blood on the walls. Old blood. And screaming. Wonderful intro to the bigger story. Yes?

    1. no Comments
  535. no Comments

    Kelly

    This sounds like the beginning of a very scary Halloween ghost story. Do tell more!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Well, not this story, but these words are used in another one, at least partly.

  536. no Comments

    debseeman

    This is an awesome opening line for a book!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      It would be a very short one. I plan to ask Stephen King someday how he can write a long scary story. Thank you for the thumbs up though!

  537. no Comments

    Karen Peterson

    I was in a creepy hotel room once and after someone called us and threatened to kill us, we discovered blood on the wall. True story.

    I like yours! Totally took me back to that night!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      This sounds like a great text too. That’s pretty scary!!

  538. no Comments

    Carrie

    reminds me of those spooky camp-out stories or slumber parties.

    Very creepy!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m getting some ideas from these comments, LOL.

  539. no Comments

    Nichole (@ITSMoments)

    Super creepy. The fact that the blood was old was a nice touch!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks! It’s way better than the axe beheading I was working on.

  540. no Comments

    Jackie

    My hope is that by reading these throughout the day that I won’t be sitting on my couch later afraid of every noise I hear!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Hahaha. And I have to wait until tonight before I can do any real hopping around. Looks like it might be another sleepless night for me!

  541. no Comments

    NotJustAnotherJenn (@MidwestMomments)

    Oooh shivers! Love it!

    1. no Comments
  542. no Comments

    John

    That certainly has my interest piqued.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ha. I guess it’s not quite so scary for you, then. ????

  543. no Comments

    CDG

    totally want to curl up under a blanket with a flashlight and tell spooky stories now!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      These comments have inspired me to flesh out my scary stories and put them in a book together and perhaps self publish them.

  544. no Comments

    Kris

    Not my kind of house for sure. Would love to know who you’re talking to. It felt like a comment in the middle of a conversation. It definitely got my mind going.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Interesting. I’m not really sure who is doing the talking or who is being talked to, LOL. I’m not even sure if it falls in the middle of a conversation or in the beginning.

  545. no Comments

    Indieink | Magnetic Personality

    […] – By The Drama Mama […]

  546. no Comments

    Jessica@Team Rasler

    Woo! Sounds like the beginning of a trailer to a horror movie!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Nice! Thank you!

  547. no Comments

    kidfriendlyja

    Oh my yes you did. Love the way you ended… you can hear the screams

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Yes!! Thank you!

  548. no Comments

    susie

    For some reason this reminds me of The Shining… which is awesome!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ha! Another Stephen King reference. I wonder if his influence on my reading choices as a teenager are apparent? LOL.

  549. no Comments

    Shah Wharton

    Oh that was clever! It succeeded. :0

    Oh, as you like such things there’s a writing challenge/linky in town. Every weekend I’ll share a PROMPT and every Wednesday everyone can link up there (poem or short story 500 max)response at the Storyteller Linky. This weeks prompt is a Picture. Check it out. ????

    I also have a spooky book review and the weekend blog hop right now too! http://wordsinsync.blogspot.com/2011/10/halloween-book-review-voice-of-blood-by.html

    Have a great weekend either way. Shah.X

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Shah! I’ll spread the word.

  550. no Comments

    Terry

    Very creepy..success in creating a scene of fright.

    1. no Comments
  551. no Comments

    Airicka Phoenix

    Oh how fantastic! It is so much like how I pictured it, yet nothing at all. I love what you did with my prompt — and I apologize for not reviewing sooner. I honestly didn’t even know this was up until I came across it quite by accident.

    Very nicely done! I eagerly await the next installment. Have you begun it?

    Thank you again,

    Airicka Phoenix

    1. no Comments

      DM

      No, I haven’t actually. There’s a huge gap between this piece and the others, but I will get there eventually. Thank you for such a great prompt!

  552. no Comments

    Carrie

    Incredibly spooky and perfect for this time of year. The idea of being caught in a stasis is freaky.

    I love the last line, adds a touch of humor to it all.

    And I’m liking the new look as well…I still need to go through and try to figure out how I want mine to look

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Carrie!

      As for this look, its the Choco theme, in the red color scheme. I do really like it. Perhaps the 3 different color schemes will give me some versatility and I will keep it for a while.

  553. no Comments

    (FL Girl with a New Life

    Insert evil laughter.

    Well done.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Tina. I love the evil laughter insert there.

  554. no Comments

    Carrie

    You already know what I think ????

    I’m looking forward to seeing where this story takes you. Bring on NaNo

    1. no Comments

      DM

      And here I was, earlier this week, wondering how Stephen King gets ideas to create such long horror stories…Thank you for all your help.

  555. no Comments

    alyciaestok

    Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh…..I am really liking where this is going!!! I like how you compared Martin’s “shell” to Kate’s “shell” Two different directions with the same outcome. LOVE!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. Bouncing ideas with me yesterday was a huge help. Can I really get 50K words for this? Here’s hoping!!

  556. no Comments

    Chelle

    Held my breath as I read this. I imagined myself suspended in time. Absolutely love the last line! So much truth there and it spoke volumes.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Chelle!!

  557. no Comments

    NC Narrator

    I loved the pacing on this – quick and excited! I tried volleyball in junior high (before I’d finally come to terms with my utter lack of coordination). I had bruises down my arms and on my hips for weeks – it’s a tough game!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      it is a tough game, but the bruises go away once you get used to it. Thank you for stopping by and reading!

  558. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    WOW!!!!! I almost stood up and cheered!!!! Every phrase was just right, you play volleyball don’t you? You can tell. I love your words…every single one

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I don’t play now, but I did. Well…I’ve played, but you would never know I was ever any good now, LOL.

      Thank you for the almost standing ovation! ????

  559. no Comments

    Vikki GM

    Love the pace, the words. Everything.

    Not a word too much nor too little.

    Just right. ????

    Vikki

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. Sometimes I struggle with word counts (doesn’t everyone?). Sometimes the scene just pops in my head, and its done. This was one of the latter, thank goodness.

  560. no Comments

    idiosyncraticeye

    Very catchy, it’s got the pace perfectly. ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you. I’m glad the rhythm works.

  561. no Comments

    MJ * iNeedaPlaydate (@mryjhnsn)

    I agree with everybody! Fast pace to meet the excitement building… you have such talent, on and off the court!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      *blushing* You flatter me. Thank you so much for the kind words about my writing.

  562. no Comments

    mish

    I’ve never played volleyball… but you definitely have!
    I was right there in the moment… could even smell the sweat on the leather… very vivid!
    You did a great job with this piece.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! Sweat on leather isn’t such a nice smell is it? LOL.

  563. no Comments

    Alison at Mommy is a Power Ranger

    Awesome and exciting post. I really felt like I was there.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’d challenge you to a game, but 20 years later, I just don’t have the skills anymore. LOL.

  564. no Comments

    Carrie

    I could picture the scene. You did a great job of portraying the intensity and the effort involved in getting that ball over the net.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you, Carrie. if only I could play like that now…

  565. no Comments

    Lance

    good “set” of the scene. I “dig” how you put me in the space of a unique game. I think you “spiked” the prompt.

    My teenager skipped cheerleading last year and played volleyball. I grew to respect the game and the girls. Good work.

    1. no Comments

      TheMHalf

      Well done – both Lance’s comment and your post!

      1. no Comments

        DM

        I agree on Lance’s comment, and thank you so much for the compliment.

    2. no Comments

      DM

      Hahaha. I love your comment!!

  566. no Comments

    Venus Brighton (@VenusLeeloo)

    Oh wow…. no, I wasn’t playing, I was *cringing* (that’s actually a good thing). Volleyball was one of the banes of my existence during high school PE. That SMACK just wasn’t something I was girl enough to take. I’m more of a dancing-for-exercise kind of person. But the fact that you got me back to that place in my memory means the writing is well done. ????

    1. no Comments
  567. no Comments

    (FL) Girl with a New Life

    This may be my favorite piece from you. I could feel every movement.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Aww shucks, Tina! Thanks!

  568. no Comments

    Karen @ Time Crafted

    This is a great sensory piece & you put your reader right there in it! :>

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Good. That is what I was hoping for!

  569. no Comments

    Tina

    Great job of putting the reader smack dab in the middle of the action. I was in that gym with you!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I have to admit that real life experience, and putting myself back into the moment was a lot easier than trying to imagine a make believe world and its smells. Lol

  570. no Comments

    Tina

    I would have liked more information about what happened to the 14 girls, and the town, after they were cursed. I felt as though you left me hanging!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ok, thank you. I will have to add more clarity to the end with the Great Lykos cursing them. It was meant to imply that he took them to hell with him, but obviously needs more work! Thank you SOOO much for the awesome concrit!

      1. no Comments

        DM

        I believe I fixed it (at least for now, anyway.)

  571. no Comments

    Angelia Sims

    I love your work! Felt like I was reading a true legend. Awesome.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Really? That’s how I felt reading your post today too. Thank you!

  572. no Comments

    Nancy C

    I really liked all the attention you paid to the sounds of volleyball. That’s what struck me the most as I read….nicely done!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’ve noticed that I tend to look for sounds to describe things over other senses. Perhaps this is because I have so much loss of it now that my brain overcompensates?

      Thank you!

  573. no Comments

    Chelle

    In the few short months that I’ve been reading your writing, I have to say, I’ve seen what was great to begin with become even more powerful!

    This is a GREAT story!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Aw shucks. Thanks, Chelle. I’m sorry that you are the only one linking up each week, but I am glad you do. I haven’t been doing it (and I probably should be) because I just haven’t been motivated by the prompts (its like because of the other writing groups I am in, I’ve already been there and done that in some ways, if that makes any sense). I encourage you to spread your writerly wings and join up with some other writers groups as well. I’ll put a list up on BMWW this week. I’m doing NaNoWriMo this year (again) and it starts November 1.

      We’ll have to see what happens. ????

      1. no Comments

        Chelle

        It’s all good.
        I was thinking the same thing about looking around for more writer’s groups.
        I’m looking forward to seeing the list you’ll put up this week. ????

  574. no Comments

    Tina

    I would like to participate in NaNoWriMo, but I’m overwhelmed by the idea right now. I did sign up, however, so perhaps I’ll find my backbone in a drawer somewhere…

    Good Luck!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      You can totally do this. I promise. It’s like the blank page. It’s only scary until you start.

  575. no Comments

    shah wharton

    Oh good luck – I’m signed up for my first one this year – to write the second in a paranormal series (the first of which is unfinished because I’m stuck in a edit as I go not so merri-go-round). I’m hoping this will break me out of it ???? X

    1. no Comments

      DM

      You can do this. My user name over there is Stephanie Ayers. Add me as a buddy if you’d like.

  576. no Comments

    Barbara Mascareno (@spanish4kiddos)

    Well, I look forward to reading your teasers ???? and I definitely should visit you more often. We love Scooby Doo. Have a safe and happy Halloween.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, barbara. Maybe next year some of the BMWW ladies will take on this endeavor with me. NaNoWriMo wouldn’t know what hit them!

  577. no Comments

    Kristy @PampersandPinot

    Good luck with the writing! It is ambitious indeed.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Kristy!!

  578. no Comments

    Angelia Sims

    Love Scooby Doo!! And good luck! I look forward to the teasers. ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! I have a feeling I’m going to need all the good luck I can get.

  579. no Comments

    Carrie

    I think if you think about it, EVERYTHING should be blamed on the Samba ????

    Entertaining post. I love the idea of everything going to virtual and then coming full circle back to reality.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Carrie. I think this is a little too much of a “telling” type of story than a real work of art though. Those have a necessary place too, yes?

  580. no Comments

    Carrie

    Definitely not a being I’d want to cross…funny the Great Lycan wouldn’t have known his son had chosen a bride.

    I love the repeat at the beginning and end…and that last line is fabulous

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Interesting twist, isn’t it? Although I don’t think anyone was expecting the outcome. ????

  581. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    I ask you every time, but please…pretty please, dear god….teach me to write because your words are so infectious and amazing, your phrasing so pitch perfect that it brings tears to my eyes…your talent is enviable. So I do. I envy.

    A world where we Skype Thanksgiving dinner…wow..I truly hope we never get there.

    Loved it.

  582. no Comments

    kottuCopy › the long road ahead…

    […] IIWC time again, and this was to the prompt handed to me by Jamelah, which was “I don’t care if forever never comes ’cause I’m holding out for that teenage feeling. – Neko Case”. A really lovely song. Do check out Drama Mama who answered my prompt here. […]

  583. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    Your comment on my blog made my day. I don’t know what the hell I am doing but I am willing to try…and having you as a “buddy” as I do it is maing me smile.

    Let’s do this!!!!

    1. no Comments
  584. no Comments

    Tara R.

    You’ve created a scenario that is very plausible, and scary.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      it’s a subtle scary. i didn’t even realize it until after I had finished writing it.

  585. no Comments

    kelly garriott waite

    Nicely done and very plausible. My mom has always said that the pendulum will swing back when it goes too far…And I don’t know that this is too much telling – I like what you’ve done with this.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      ohh I like your mom!

  586. no Comments

    lizculver

    This feels pretty prophetic. I often wonder what would happen without the internet but you’ve really gone deeper in to where we’re headed technology-wise and then where we’re headed when it all falls down. Interesting and scary.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I hope its not a prophecy! LOL. That would be a sad state to completely lose that face to face communication. It is scary.

  587. no Comments

    shah wharton

    This is both correct and creepy. It’s utterly believable and well written. Well done. Shah. X

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Shah! I’ll be around soon.

  588. no Comments

    jesterqueen1

    I really felt your anxiety while you waited to hit the ball. That made me enjoy the release of “SMACK” even more. Reading about the game from your perspective, I enjoyed it. In real life, I’m like the person above who described volleyball as one of her banes. That anxiety. That waiting. Is it “mine”? How would I know if it was? And what in GOD’S NAME should I do if it is? Those things terrify me. It was fun to read about someone who seems to feel the same tension but knows exactly how to channel it into success.

  589. no Comments

    shah wharton

    Nothing like starting our day with a hot shower ???? X

    Link this up at my blog hop, collect writing prompt and check out thriller author, Jim Brown’s interview here:
    http://wordsinsync.blogspot.com/2011/11/q-with-author-jim-brown-plus-weekend.html Shah. X

  590. no Comments

    angela

    Oh, nothing like a sleeping baby that means a non-rushed, hot shower. Lovely.

  591. no Comments

    Angelia Sims

    I thought she would have went for a cup of joe before a shower. I know I would have. I can practically smell it. Mmmm! ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I dont know. She can drink the joe with the baby up, but she can’t get the same bliss from a hot shower unless he is sleeping.

      1. no Comments

        Angelia Sims

        Very true! It’s been a while since I had a baby (171/2 yrs!). Lol!

  592. no Comments

    Lance

    sweet

    Made me miss the baby days…for like a second…

    1. no Comments
  593. no Comments

    Carrie

    made me think Kate is a DAMN lucky lady to have a baby sleeping in until past 8am!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      is it really that unusual?

  594. no Comments

    Karen @ Time Crafted

    A hot shower, first thing with a sleeping baby? Nope, not much could be better! Oh? You meant cropping your NaNo to fit? Oh….I’m still dreaming of that hot shower. :>

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Well sort of. There’s more that follows behind this, but for the sake of the word count, this is all you got. LOL.

  595. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    seriously, first how do you manage to work, write such GOOD STUFF and change you blog like I change my jeans?>????? Secrets???? ???? Do you have a time turner??? LOL

    nothing makes this better, it’s perfect, it tells us what she’s doing, how she feels. the waking up, the coffee, the knowledge that she can shower while he sleeps. *BLISS*

    ???? Thanks for yesterday…..you rock!!!

  596. no Comments

    nic??le olea (@WriteSpell)

    Baby sleeping past 8 and a hot shower-this is divine.

  597. no Comments

    Kurt

    Not only is this a good stand-alone piece, but it’s an awesome idea for a book. The idea of technology crashing and throwing us back into the Dark Ages is common – but what if the “Dark Age” that we were thrown back into wasn’t this apocalyptic world without electricity and medicine and everything is survival, but what if we were just forced to revisit how things were just a short while ago? This is a very interesting concept! I might have to steal it from you!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Haha. Should I say “you’re welcome” then? LOL. Thanks, Kurt!

  598. no Comments

    Sara

    I liked how you used your words to paint a picture of a comforting moment of waking up. It made me sigh. Well done.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you, Sara!

  599. no Comments

    Venus Brighton (@VenusLeeloo)

    Wow… I wish my mornings were that awesome. ???? That made mornings seem so pleasant!! Good job!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      if I can manage to get up early enough, I can get this. it’s rare though because I like my sleep time.

  600. no Comments

    Nancy C

    Cozy and comforting, like a morning comforter. Bless sweet Malcolm for giving mama her shower.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I wish for these kinds of mornings too!

  601. no Comments

    jenny

    I’m jealous of this morning. Hot showers (and hot coffee!) are few and far between in my world. Thanks for letting me live vicariously!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Stop by anytime for a break taken vicariously. ????

  602. no Comments

    Renee

    Smelling the coffee brew as you awake, that would be heaven. My first cup is usually 4am. At work.

    I’m so jealous of the morning you’ve described.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I am not jealous that you have to be at work at 4 am!!

  603. no Comments

    Mrsbear

    Popping over from Write On Edge.

    Great short. I hope it never comes to that, it’s a dark day when people have trouble washing due to failed internet access. I think the Skype Thanksgiving could catch on though.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Haha. I hope not!

  604. no Comments

    Galit Breen

    I love that you’ve given a glimpse, without giving anything away!

    And that first cup of coffee beside a sleeping baby? Bliss. ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      That first cup of coffee is bliss, even without the sleeping baby, but that just makes it more heavenly.

  605. no Comments

    Lady Googoogaga

    I found this very depressing – but it might be because I live in Connecticut and havent had power for 8 days…..

  606. no Comments

    Cameron

    I love the tight focus on a specific moment – and aren’t you clever, giving us a snippet without giving anything up!

    I did notice a couple of passive voice spots that might pack more punch with active voice, but that’s small stuff.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      We will have to discuss that in greater detail later, because I am seeing this same critique popping up. I am working on the active voice, so thanks for the concrit!

  607. no Comments

    jesterqueen1

    I really liked the conclusion, that you could blame it on the Samba, but you think it was bound to happen anyway. I do agree with you that it has a bit too much ‘tell’, but then, it’s a blog entry. Maybe it’s really the seed of something bigger, and this is just your outline ????

    My favorite line was:
    “old-fashioned wars were declared”

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Actually its a short story, not really a blog entry, so yeah, I need to work on it still.

  608. no Comments

    shah wharton

    Stories were meant for ‘Telling’. I find the whole ‘literary’ style distracting if I’m honest. Each has it s place, and we all have our own tastes, but yes – ‘Telling’ absolutely has a place. I really enjoyed your short. Thanks for linking up. Shah .X

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I don’t know what I like better. The narrative voice is a bit more restrictive but you can set the scene and get it out there without being flowery. I guess this is more Hemingway’s style and one I am not overly comfortable with, though this piece was definitely fun to write.

  609. no Comments

    Jamie Walker (@chosenchaos)

    I have such mixed feelings about Skyping Thanksgiving. I have family in the UK and we only get to enjoy the holidays with them every couple of years. So having the opportunity via skype to cheers with them a toast or see the newest nephew walk towards the computer… those are things that make me love it!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I can assure you that this type of Skyping is not the kind referred to in the story. It’s the only using skype for anything, never leaving the house, a world epidemic type of thing instead. Skype definitely has it’s usefulness.

  610. no Comments

    Chosen | The Scoop on Poop

    […] Are you wondering how my NaNo novel is coming along? The update is here. […]

  611. no Comments

    momfog

    I am so glad you admitted you are editing. I have to edit a little bit. When I’m thinking about the story and come up with something I should have written into a scene, it has to go in there, even if it changes it. Like you said, it all goes to the word count anyway.

    The only downside to literary abandon is the tangents I tend to go on. I was feeling particularly lovey-dovey today and put way too much cheese into a love scene. It was hilariously bad and went on way too long. It added to the word count but took me in completely the wrong direction. I shudder to think what will happen when I’m royally ticked off.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I say you keep it in, since it went on long. You never know how much you might need it at the end. I do understand where you are coming from. I have to avoid writing sexual encounters when I’m “in the mood”. They tend to get a bit *ahem* raunchy. Shhh.

  612. no Comments

    Chelle

    No worries, Steph. I decided to do NaNoWriMo as well.
    Ha! What was I thinking?????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      You can totally do this!!

  613. no Comments

    shah wharton

    I’m doing my first one this year, WITH VISITORS!!!, so I must be bonkas, but I wrote 25k before they got here Sunday a.m and have wrote another 1300 today while they go shopping. I’m just heading into ACT II and on schedule I think. From reading how you’re going about it, I’ am doing exactly the same! ???? Great minds – Good luck. X

    http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/participants/shahw1 (buddy my?)

  614. no Comments

    TheKirCorner

    I am editing a little…I’ll read through about once an hour , add in and take out, read it out loud and move on.
    I am keeping a really OPEN mind, these characters are doing things I never thought of before I started writing and I love it…they show me stuff everyday.

    I love writing the sex stuff….;)

    and I’m just writing, at 12,000+ I’m just glad I got this far and still have lots to tell.

    YEA!!!!!

    1. no Comments
  615. no Comments

    Carrie

    I’ve done a bit of editing but ONLY cause I realized I completely changed my plot from one scene to the next. hence, it no longer made sense ???? I’m sure there are other spots like that…but I’m trying to stop myself.

    The biggest change in all this is writing in somewhat of a linear fashion. You know me: prompts are my friend ???? Tangents are FUN! But with this I’m really trying to write it out the way I think it would work in a book. So far, it’s working.

    Send over some of that raunch will ya? For a romance I am disgustingly tame :p

    Bring on week 2!!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Not writing to prompt is definitely more difficult when that’s what you are used to. I thought it would be a challenge to write more in one sitting since I’ve been working on such short word counts of late. I’m glad it didn’t. I’m actually enjoying where the story is going.

  616. no Comments

    Jessica Anne (@Jessica_Anne_CA)

    Sounds like it’s going great! I think Pinterest is such a great way to get the setting solidified. I’ve been doing some pinning for my WIP too. ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I hope when it’s ready you will let me return the favor and beta read for you!

  617. no Comments

    Angelia Sims

    You are no doubt, my Nano hero! You make it sound so easy, and I have no doubt your story is GOOD. When you are famous, I will get to say, “I knew you when”.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Aww shucks, Angelia! I’m red-faced and speechless.

  618. no Comments

    Brandon P Duncan

    Very interesting, indeed. I have not taken many literature classes (or creative writing, for that matter), so I have to admit, I did not know of this Iceberg Theory. After reading about it, I think it does have a place; though I’m not sure I personally would take the time to omit so much. Pretty cool though.

    As for knowing that this was a story about the wind? Yes. After the first sentence. However, that’s not due to your writing, I just have a wicked overactive imagination. And among other things, I have played with riddles since I was in the single digits.

    Good job, though. That would have been tough for anyone. You had your work cut out for you on this!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      You would not believe the amount of time I spent sweating over this challenge, but once I really digested what his point was, and started reading a little of his stuff (I am not a Hemingway fan), I found this easier to write than I thought. Perhaps because it was about the wind, I was able to be more expressive and descriptive. I don’t know if I would have been able to do it with another piece.

      Thanks for taking a look and giving me your thoughts.

  619. no Comments

    Nick Rolynd

    Oh, wow. I love how you imagined the wind’s thoughts. I think you did a great job! =)

    1. no Comments
  620. no Comments

    Donna Sturgeon (@Donna_Sturgeon)

    What a wonderfully written piece. I read it once to read, and then I went back and read it again, simply to enjoy the beauty of your words. Very nice.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      This was such a nice compliment. Thank you, Donna!

  621. no Comments

    bridgetstraub

    Yep, definitly the wind. I have a hard time with challenges like this, so I’m impressed. Nice job.

  622. no Comments

    Carrie

    I love the mother/son bonding. She’s just enjoying being with her son and that’s so sweet ????

    What a rude clerk…clearly not suited to customer service!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I almost thought to give him some kind of accent, but decided against it. He was definitely rude. I’m glad he isn’t a prominent character in the story, LOL.

  623. no Comments

    May

    I see you are doing NaNoWriMo! Best wishes on that.

    The piece feels very true to life. Got the harried mom experience captured!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, May!! I really appreciate that you took the time to read and comment.

  624. no Comments

    Brandi

    I bet kids in strollers often do feel like little bugs in places like the airport or the mall. I can’t imagine what’s going through their heads when they see all the new things they are surrounded by that aren’t the ‘comforts of home’.

    You did a good job at capturing the moment, and also made me think back to all the things we’ve discovered that we ‘slipped’ into our carts before making it to the check out line, their little arms can reach for a lot more than we think ????

    Thanks for linking up with us this week ????

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m glad you offered the prompt. It did give me a new perspective, a new way to show a character’s thoughts and feelings also. it was a great prompt that had me itching for days to get to the this part so I could write it.

  625. no Comments

    julieemoore

    So glad to see you here. I didn’t like that clerk. I only wish I could have been as kind as Kate was to him. This was a perfect picture of the airport experience. Good detail.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thank you! It feels good to have effectively established an unlikeable character just in a small exchange.

  626. no Comments

    Angelia Sims

    Ha ! Maybe they should have some realist Hallmark cards. ???? Love that name Fallon.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I think you are right. It would make life so much easier. ???? Fallon is on my short (and will never used) list of names for non-existent, never gonna happen children. If I can’t name any more children, why not use the names for my characters (though Martin and Malcolm were never on my list. LOL).

  627. no Comments

    Angelia Sims

    I’ve always loved the airport too. Great place to people watch. Love your story! Malcolm is too funny !

    1. no Comments

      DM

      it really is a fun place. The whole game of imagining where this person is going and where are they going back from, who did they see, what kind of job, etc. only enhances the experience.

  628. no Comments

    Lance

    Like the last two lines a lot.

    Love the warmth of the conversation.

    1. no Comments
  629. no Comments

    Brandon P Duncan

    Such an easy sequence to picture! I think we’ve all been subject to the sneaky swipes of our little ones. At an airport, though… ugh! You’re right, the prices are outrageous.

    Well written piece here. I don’t have a whole lot to offer you. Two small things I saw were:

    “…she didn???t see his chubby fingers wrap around a large lollipop. She didn???t notice that he had it in his…”

    -and-

    “At least it wasn???t the $50.00 teddy bear that Malcolm had swiped.”

    If she didn’t see him grab it, naturally she wouldn’t notice it being in his mouth. It’s a small thing, but in the end, it would be a revision. Just something to look at from an editing standpoint. On the Malcolm part, it caused me to re-read. Maybe because you mentioned the “twin” from earlier (which I assumed was his reflection) and then I saw that, I think I had a temporary hiccup. Maybe changing the order of the words, just to ensure people don’t make the same mistake I did? Kind of piddly, but, hey, it’s all I got. ????

    Aside from that, good job. Looking forward to seeing what you do with future prompts! I can definitely see you are improving from the old Red Dress days. Good for you!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Brandon. I changed them around. Thanks for seeing the redundancies for me. It reads much smoother.

      And thank you for confirming that I’m growing. I get a lot of reads (according to stats) but few comments, so sometimes that can be kind of hard on the old ego.

  630. no Comments

    K. Syrah

    Ha! I was the kid that totally would swipe things before my parents saw what I was doing… oops. I was a little trouble maker. And I knew it.

    I like how forgiving the mother was (mine were too) and how well she just handled that clerks rudeness.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Ha. My daughter used to do that too. It’s amazing to me sometimes how much we can write drawing off of real life experiences sometimes. Thank you for stopping in!

  631. no Comments

    Tina

    Two old friends, laughing. What could be more magical than that? I loved the play between them!

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I’m hoping for more conversations like this between them, even if the subject won’t always be light. Thanks for stopping in, Tina.

  632. no Comments

    Sara

    I liked the back and forth of this conversation. It has a quick pace and a teasing nature that comes with long friendships.

    I also felt there was something deeper in this conversation..a subtext about Fallon’s relationship with Kate. Something that’s not been spoken aloud.

    Good read and take on the prompt.

    1. no Comments

      DM

      Thanks, Sara. Obviously I still have a lot to write, and your words make me wonder if there isn’t more to Fallon’s relationship with Kate then meets the eye. A nice spin to add to my story, perhaps, as if there isn’t enough going on already! LOL.

  633. no Comments

    Carrie

    you know what I think ???? I love how comfortable they are. It’s obvious they are aold friends, been there for each other

    I hope Fallon will always be there for Kate

    1. no Comments

      DM

      I wonder too. I know how the ending is supposed to go, but whether that really happens or not is still anyone’s guess. I think there might be more than meets the eye here, but Kate is definitely going to need a good friend.

  634. no Comments

    Latitudes of a Day

    This is a stellar line: “???The moments we never had???? Haha. You should start writing Hallmark cards with th