Toxic Lucidity: A Dinosaur of an Excerpt

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Toxic Lucidity: A Dinosaur of an Excerpt

August 29, 2012 Writing 12

“Crap. Come on, Martin! Answer your phone!” Kate pleaded. It rang three times before it switched to voice mail. Her anger rose. He’d avoided her calls all day. If she were going to meet Valerie, someone would have to keep Malcolm. If she didn’t meet Valerie, she may lose the chance of finding out what she’d wanted to say. If that happened, the dreams might never end. If the dreams never ended, sleep would elude her. She had to meet Valerie. She called Fallon.

“Hi. How’s Malcolm?”

“He’s fine. He’s got a fistful of the cupcake a classmate brought today to celebrate his birthday.”

“I bet he’s enjoying it.”

“He is. Well, the icing anyway. He hasn’t bothered much with the cake part.” Fallon giggled. “He’s a royal mess!”

“I’ll bet! Hey, listen. I know you have a date tonight…”

“No! No! NO! You CANNOT do this to me.”

“I’m stuck in this assignment. I don’t even think I’d make it back before your date would arrive. I’m so sorry.” Kate had never lied to Fallon before. There had never been a need to before now. In her head, Kate could picture Fallon’s eyes rolling.

“Kate. Dammit. This date was important to me.”

“I know. I can’t help the assignment though.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me this morning that it might run over? You knew I had plans tonight. I could have called Derek and rescheduled it. Now? It looks like I don’t want to go out with him. And the thing is I really do. I really, really do. You owe me. Humongous. Your grandchildren are going to be paying off your dinosaur of a debt to me; you’ll owe me so much.” The banter was a sign that she was caving. Fallon always caved.

“I’ll gladly give you my first born grandchild, then.”

“Your first born? Honey, you already owe me your first twelve!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am currently engrossed in some editing and reacquainting myself with my characters from the NaNoWriMo novel I began last November, titled Toxic Lucidity. I found this little gem that fit perfectly with Trifecta’s word challenge of Dinosaur in the 3rd definition: one that is impractically large, out of date, or obsolete. This meets the 33-333 word requirement.

Since this novel is important to me, I would appreciate your feedback and constructive criticism in a comment.

Thanks for stopping in!!

 

12 Responses

  1. Annabelle says:

    The last line made me laugh; nicely done!

  2. Tara R. says:

    The dialog flowed really well, believable and natural. It pulled me in and I’d love to read more of this story.

    • SAM says:

      Thanks, Tara. Effective dialog , including blocking is a struggle for me, so I really appreciate your feedback on it here.

  3. lumdog says:

    This is a very interesting piece of a bigger story. Clearly, whatever Valerie has to say is very important. It is very clever how you build the story to convey the lengths to which Kate will go to hear what Valerie has to say. Please continue editing so you can finish the book.

  4. Carrie says:

    Fallon is such a great friend 🙂 Someone who Kate can rely on

  5. Tina says:

    Wow–poor Fallon! Is she a woman who can’t say no, perhaps? No matter, I still felt bad for her!

  6. I’m definitely wondering what Valerie is going to say. It seems there’s an awful lot hinging on those words! Nice job with the prompt. Thanks for linking up.

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