TMT: Life Is A Highway

TMT: Life Is A Highway

March 4, 2014 Writing 6

Life…it takes us for a daily ride rich with surprises and unexpecteds. Mine has been quite the rollercoaster and our assignment for today’s mixed tape is “If My Life Had a Soundtrack.” I’m cheating just as little today, as I once did this same thing a couple of years ago for the great Mama Kat and her writing prompt. It just needed a little tweaking, since there’s at least one song I’ve used before in a mixtape. I’m also old, so it’s a little long, but the songs are good.

Its no secret that my life hasn’t been easy, and even now, it’s not a cake walk. It’s been a journey filled with lots of dark clouds, short walks on Cloud 9, searches for love, and finally having the strength and security I wish I’d had many years ago. It’s motherhood, life, love, and a feeling of peace and contentment with my life, despite all the crap that flies around. It’s been quite a ride, and I’m looking forward to the rest of it.

It all starts when I was in kindergarten. My natural father had passed away when I was three, and my mom finally found someone new. She married him when I was five, and shortly after I turned six, he adopted me and made me his little girl.

And then all of a sudden, Oh, it seemed so strange to me how we went from something’s missing to a family

It wasn’t long before my childhood ceased to exist as I became subjected to physical, emotional, and sexual abuse at the hands of someone I trusted. This changed the course of my life that I have only recently begun to see the reasons for.

let your tears touch the ground lay all your shattered pieces down and be amazed by how Grace can take a broken girl and put her back together again

This next song is really fitting for the life I led as a teenager and young adult. The weird thing, in the not too distant past, I found the song easy to relate to some new circumstances I faced. Madonna’s good like that, eh?

If I ran away I’d never have the strength to go very far. How would they hear the beating of my heart? Will it grow cold? The secret that I hide…

A man can tell a thousand lies, I’ve learned my lesson well.

I do have a secret. I ran away from home for good shortly after my 18th birthday. I needed love desperately and my search for love left me with a craving that I thought could be answered in a baby. I had two. They deserved better, so I allowed my parents to adopt them. This song beautifully captures the emotions felt here.

So I’ll go but I know I’ll think of you every step of the way
We both know I’m not what you need.

Most people probably don’t know this song, but the depression I sunk into in my early 20s led me to a lot of sad love songs. Even today, this particular song stuck with me because it is what got me through. Beautiful and haunting and so very much what I wanted to say if I knew how to say it then.

She only needs someone,
She only needs some time,
She only needs someone to get it right this time.

Life never seemed to come together for me in my 20s probably because I continued to confused self-esteem with “Being hot” and continued the destructive hunt for Mr. Wrong. I found out quickly just exactly how wrong they were.

Oh, He’s no good, girl Why can’t you see?
He’ll take your heart and break it

My true motherhood journey began at 30 and it changed my life. I had no home, 3 jobs, and a newborn baby. Later, I was 36, with a great man, good job, and a home. This song captures all of my feelings on motherhood perfectly.

6 lbs 9 oz lookin up at me like I have all the answers.
I hope I have the ones you need.

You know that man I mentioned just above? You’ve already heard the songs that describe us thanks to the wedding themes I posted the last two weeks. No repeat is needed here, however, two years ago, God built a new rollercoaster in my life that literally tossed me in the frying pan of teenage parenting. Blending a family is never easy, and all the things they say about it almost came true for us. It caused huge conflicts in our marriage as we struggled to be on the same page, and left doors open that never should have been. This time last year, we almost didn’t make it.

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in,
I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not
And who I am

Some hard trials and some rebuilding became necessary. This is the song that became my anthem over the past year because I find relevance in every aspect of my life, including spiritual.

You see time, time is our friend
‘Cause for us there is no end

And for the bonus track: I’ve definitely had my share of troubles. If you asked me if I had just one word to sum up my life, it would be this one: Blessed.

I know, I’ve been blessed and I feel like I’ve found my way.
I thank God for all I’ve been given at the end of every day.

Whew!! And that concludes another Twisted Mixtape Tuesday, hosted by Jen Kehl of My Skewed View.

SO what would YOUR soundtrack sound like?



6 Responses

  1. Kir Piccini says:

    <3 , just so much LOVE!!

  2. Jen says:

    Wow and wow. I am amazed and uplifted by your story. You certainly have been through a lot, but the fact that you are so tuned into it, and can talk about it so clearly. You surely have a lot to give. Your way with the songs is perfect. Thank you so much for sharing this.

    • SAM says:

      Well I know there’s a purpose behind everything, and if my stories can help just one person, it’s all worth it.

  3. k~ says:

    Every experience we move through shapes us in some way. I love the songs you used to share the journey with us. Strong, is the first word that comes to mind. Hard choices create strength, if we allow it, and it sounds like you did just that. Beautiful.

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