The Hunted

For authors, by authors, one word at a time

The Hunted

July 19, 2012 Writing 57

I heard you before I saw you, shooting through the woods, a red bullet aiming straight for me. Two leaps carried me across the blacktop. I hid, barely within the safety of the forest, knowing the shrubbery wouldn’t conceal me.

You felt my eyes watching you, waiting for you to pass, as I stood there just within sight. I alone, the rebel, halted the rest of my kin, hidden in secrecy within the circle of trees. After all, though my antlers haven’t broke skin yet, I am sworn to protect my tribe.

And protect them I will, especially from you.

 

 

 

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This week’s 100 Word Challenge is “rebel.” This week’s Write on Edge prompt was “secret.” The picture at the beginning of the story is the #FridayFictioneer picture prompt.
This story was inspired by a true event. The red bullet in the beginning is my van, and the POV is from the deer that stood in the middle of the road, at 4 pm EST, then finally leaped to safety with 20 yards to spare. As I passed by, I saw him, hovering just beyond the thin foliage, watching.

I always welcome and appreciate feedback, even on short pieces like this. Please share your thoughts in a comment.

Thanks for stopping in!

 

57 Responses

  1. boomiebol says:

    Very nice. I enjoyed reading it, and like how you wrote red bullet…i initially thought a gun. Like your take on the prompt. Mine is here
    http://boomiebol.wordpress.com/2012/07/18/office-talk-friday-fictioneers-718/

  2. misterlou says:

    Intriguing. Not an approach I expected – I like it a lot.

  3. Carrie says:

    I like the twist at the end. You are expecting one thing and then get the surprise. The only thing that I would suggest to make it stronger is to switch out a few words. You repeat woods in the beginning and then the use of eyes/eyesight later. In a longer work it’s not an issue but with flash you almost have to figure out a different way to say something so it doesn’t sound repetitive 🙂

  4. shakira says:

    Full of unexpected twists and I love it. Remind me of little Bambi.
    Great job.

    hugs
    shakira

    a mother’s love

  5. raina says:

    This was nicely written. Tight and I really liked how you saw things from the deer’s pov. N the emotion, was nice.

  6. Linda says:

    An excellent take on the photo prompt and what an unexpected confirmation at the end of where I thought you might be going. Really well done and I enjoyed it.
    http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/07/20/friday-fictioneers-the-grapevine/

  7. Sandra says:

    An original perspective, and an original take on the prompt. Well done.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/07/19/triple-exposure-friday-fictioneers-july-2012/

  8. Sharp, concise. Nicely done!

  9. rochellewisoff says:

    Now I know what was going through the mind of the deer I almost hit last fall. Came close enough to see the hair pattern on its side. Nice piece.
    http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/07/bittersweet.html

  10. cait says:

    My favourite line is the last. Serious, valiant and moving all at once. I like the fresh, personalized voice too.

  11. Adam Ickes says:

    Interesting perspective. The final line was the perfect ending. Excellent work.

  12. Tara R. says:

    An intriguing perspective, and a very powerful piece.

  13. Alissa Shea says:

    Great work! And boy do you know how to take 3 prompts and combine them into one!!

  14. You really did a good job of conveying a fresh perspective on this picture. As I work my way through the list, it’s so much fun to see what this picture evoked in everyone and where each person went with it. I could easily picture this in my mind’s eye!

  15. I think you did a great job setting the scene here and giving it to us through a different POV. I wouldn’t have guessed “van”, though it makes perfect sense when I re-read!

    • SAM says:

      I’m glad it made sense. I probably should have left it to the readers imagination, but I think some left it that way anyway.

      Thanks for stopping in, Angela.

  16. Annabelle says:

    I love the reversal of perspective here; you don’t often think of bravery in this context. Nicely done.

    • SAM says:

      Animals are amazing. This was really fun to write. That the deer actually hovered just off the road in the trees really helped create it too.

  17. Wisper says:

    I loved the POV!!! And the idea of protecting his tribe is so fitting. Amazing work in 100 words!

  18. Gina says:

    Like the point of view in this. Coincidentally, I saw a buck standing by the side of the road last night while I was driving. Amazing creatures not often seen. The send the doe out for food usually. At least that’s what I thought.

    • SAM says:

      I passed one with grey on its face, so I knew it was older. As for the rest, this particular buck is a rebel, thus he does things his own way. LOL.

      Thanks for stopping in!

  19. Lance says:

    muscular, effificent and well executed

    I loved it

    • SAM says:

      I just wanted to let you know i read your piece too. For some reason it wouldn’t accept my wordpress credentials. Anyway I said that I enjoyed the twist on creation and it was also well crafted.

      Thanks for stopping in!

  20. Till says:

    The ending surprised me. I was expecting a human target. Loved the point of view, especially from a young buck. It reminds me of the bravado some of our kids display before they are totally equipped to take on the world.

  21. Glad you added the tag explaining the van because I thought the red bullet was a gun. However, from his POV, it could easily have been a hunter’s gun as well. Wonderful, original take on the prompt. I’m #68 on the list.

  22. rich says:

    love a good twist.

  23. JKBradley says:

    I am still uncertain if he is fully a deer or if he is more humanoid. Well done.

  24. Russell says:

    Thanks for explaining the ‘red bullet,’ Sam. I like the deer POV. Unfortunately, more deer die from automobile accidents than any other means, not to mention the 200+ humans that are killed every year while colliding with deer. Their population in increasing in rapid numbers, creating more danger for both species.

    • SAM says:

      I’m not surprised by these stats. I have discovered, since our move to our current home down a long, wooded country road, that the deer are rather bold it seems.

      Thank you so much for stopping in, Russell!

  25. Kathleen says:

    Very nice. I also thought a gun, but was puzzled by the “red,” and why it would be traveling slow enough to realize it was a bullet. Call me overthinking. 🙂

    But I really loved the way you evoked a young deer standing guard over the family. Loved that image.

  26. JennInAustin says:

    I really liked this. Thanks for stopping by my blog so that I could find yours. I will be back. Your description of yourself matches me almost exactly. All the way down to the word “survivor.” Glad to meet you, SAM!

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