The Hunted

The Hunted
July 19, 2012 57 Comments Writing Stephanie Ayers

I heard you before I saw you, shooting through the woods, a red bullet aiming straight for me. Two leaps carried me across the blacktop. I hid, barely within the safety of the forest, knowing the shrubbery wouldn’t conceal me.

You felt my eyes watching you, waiting for you to pass, as I stood there just within sight. I alone, the rebel, halted the rest of my kin, hidden in secrecy within the circle of trees. After all, though my antlers haven’t broke skin yet, I am sworn to protect my tribe.

And protect them I will, especially from you.

 

 

 

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This week’s 100 Word Challenge is “rebel.” This week’s Write on Edge prompt was “secret.” The picture at the beginning of the story is the #FridayFictioneer picture prompt.
This story was inspired by a true event. The red bullet in the beginning is my van, and the POV is from the deer that stood in the middle of the road, at 4 pm EST, then finally leaped to safety with 20 yards to spare. As I passed by, I saw him, hovering just beyond the thin foliage, watching.

I always welcome and appreciate feedback, even on short pieces like this. Please share your thoughts in a comment.

Thanks for stopping in!

Tags
Stephanie Ayers A published author with a knack for twisted tales, Stephanie Ayers is the Executive Creative Director of OWS Ink, LLC, a community for writers and readers alike. She loves a good thriller, fairies, things that go bump in the night, and sappy stories. When she is not writing, she can be found in Creative Cloud designing book covers and promotional graphics for authors.
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  1. 57 Comments

    boomiebol

    Very nice. I enjoyed reading it, and like how you wrote red bullet…i initially thought a gun. Like your take on the prompt. Mine is here
    http://boomiebol.wordpress.com/2012/07/18/office-talk-friday-fictioneers-718/

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      I did want to leave it open to the readers imagination. Thanks for stopping in!

      Reply
  2. 57 Comments

    misterlou

    Intriguing. Not an approach I expected – I like it a lot.

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      I like giving my readers a bit of a twist. Thank you!

      Reply
  3. 57 Comments

    Carrie

    I like the twist at the end. You are expecting one thing and then get the surprise. The only thing that I would suggest to make it stronger is to switch out a few words. You repeat woods in the beginning and then the use of eyes/eyesight later. In a longer work it’s not an issue but with flash you almost have to figure out a different way to say something so it doesn’t sound repetitive 🙂

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      Hmmm. Good point! Fixed! Thank you!! 🙂

      Reply
  4. 57 Comments

    shakira

    Full of unexpected twists and I love it. Remind me of little Bambi.
    Great job.

    hugs
    shakira

    a mother’s love

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      Awww, Bambi. That’s a rather sad story, LOL.

      Reply
  5. 57 Comments

    raina

    This was nicely written. Tight and I really liked how you saw things from the deer’s pov. N the emotion, was nice.

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      Thank you for all the compliments. I’m so glad that I what I set out to achieve worked.

      Reply
  6. 57 Comments

    Linda

    An excellent take on the photo prompt and what an unexpected confirmation at the end of where I thought you might be going. Really well done and I enjoyed it.
    http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/07/20/friday-fictioneers-the-grapevine/

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      I’m glad I surprised you? Thanks for stopping in!

      Reply
      1. 57 Comments

        Linda

        You’re welcome 🙂

        Reply
  7. 57 Comments
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      Thanks, Sandra.

      Reply
  8. 57 Comments

    shelton keys dunning

    Sharp, concise. Nicely done!

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      Thank you, Shelton!

      Reply
  9. 57 Comments

    rochellewisoff

    Now I know what was going through the mind of the deer I almost hit last fall. Came close enough to see the hair pattern on its side. Nice piece.
    http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/07/bittersweet.html

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      I’ve always wondered what they think when they see/hear us coming.

      Reply
  10. 57 Comments

    cait

    My favourite line is the last. Serious, valiant and moving all at once. I like the fresh, personalized voice too.

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      Thank you, cait. It means so much that you stopped by.

      Reply
  11. 57 Comments

    Adam Ickes

    Interesting perspective. The final line was the perfect ending. Excellent work.

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      Thank you, Adam. A slight break from my norm, but it was fun,

      Reply
  12. 57 Comments

    Tara R.

    An intriguing perspective, and a very powerful piece.

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      Thanks. Why do I hear what I imagine Lance’s voice sounding like saying “Tar-ah” in my head? LOL.

      Reply
  13. 57 Comments

    Alissa Shea

    Great work! And boy do you know how to take 3 prompts and combine them into one!!

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      These 3 were easy. LOL but thanks!

      Reply
  14. 57 Comments

    sustainabilitea

    You really did a good job of conveying a fresh perspective on this picture. As I work my way through the list, it’s so much fun to see what this picture evoked in everyone and where each person went with it. I could easily picture this in my mind’s eye!

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      I’m glad the descriptions took you into the scene. Thank you so much for stopping in!

      Reply
  15. 57 Comments

    Angela (@angelaamman)

    I think you did a great job setting the scene here and giving it to us through a different POV. I wouldn’t have guessed “van”, though it makes perfect sense when I re-read!

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      I’m glad it made sense. I probably should have left it to the readers imagination, but I think some left it that way anyway.

      Thanks for stopping in, Angela.

      Reply
  16. 57 Comments

    Annabelle

    I love the reversal of perspective here; you don’t often think of bravery in this context. Nicely done.

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      Animals are amazing. This was really fun to write. That the deer actually hovered just off the road in the trees really helped create it too.

      Reply
  17. 57 Comments

    Wisper

    I loved the POV!!! And the idea of protecting his tribe is so fitting. Amazing work in 100 words!

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      Thanks, Wisper!!

      Reply
  18. 57 Comments
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      Thank you!! It means so much that you stopped in.

      Reply
  19. 57 Comments

    Gina

    Like the point of view in this. Coincidentally, I saw a buck standing by the side of the road last night while I was driving. Amazing creatures not often seen. The send the doe out for food usually. At least that’s what I thought.

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      I passed one with grey on its face, so I knew it was older. As for the rest, this particular buck is a rebel, thus he does things his own way. LOL.

      Thanks for stopping in!

      Reply
  20. 57 Comments

    Lance

    muscular, effificent and well executed

    I loved it

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments
  21. 57 Comments
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      I just wanted to let you know i read your piece too. For some reason it wouldn’t accept my wordpress credentials. Anyway I said that I enjoyed the twist on creation and it was also well crafted.

      Thanks for stopping in!

      Reply
  22. 57 Comments

    Till

    The ending surprised me. I was expecting a human target. Loved the point of view, especially from a young buck. It reminds me of the bravado some of our kids display before they are totally equipped to take on the world.

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      Thank you! I like surprising endings.

      Reply
  23. 57 Comments

    Lora Mitchell

    Glad you added the tag explaining the van because I thought the red bullet was a gun. However, from his POV, it could easily have been a hunter’s gun as well. Wonderful, original take on the prompt. I’m #68 on the list.

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      You’re right. it could take a few descriptions. I kinda like the openendedness of the description.

      Reply
  24. 57 Comments

    rich

    love a good twist.

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      me too!! Glad you enjoyed mine. Thanks for stopping in!

      Reply
  25. 57 Comments

    JKBradley

    I am still uncertain if he is fully a deer or if he is more humanoid. Well done.

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      I like your spin on it!! Thank you, JK.

      Reply
  26. 57 Comments

    Russell

    Thanks for explaining the ‘red bullet,’ Sam. I like the deer POV. Unfortunately, more deer die from automobile accidents than any other means, not to mention the 200+ humans that are killed every year while colliding with deer. Their population in increasing in rapid numbers, creating more danger for both species.

    Reply
    1. 57 Comments

      SAM

      I’m not surprised by these stats. I have discovered, since our move to our current home down a long, wooded country road, that the deer are rather bold it seems.

      Thank you so much for stopping in, Russell!

      Reply
  27. 57 Comments

    Kathleen

    Very nice. I also thought a gun, but was puzzled by the “red,” and why it would be traveling slow enough to realize it was a bullet. Call me overthinking. 🙂

    But I really loved the way you evoked a young deer standing guard over the family. Loved that image.

    Reply
  28. 57 Comments

    JennInAustin

    I really liked this. Thanks for stopping by my blog so that I could find yours. I will be back. Your description of yourself matches me almost exactly. All the way down to the word “survivor.” Glad to meet you, SAM!

    Reply
  29. 57 Comments

    2012 Year in Review « My Write Side

    […] The Hunted […]

    Reply
  30. 57 Comments

    Countdown to 500 (#3) | My Write Side

    […] 100 word shorts, like this one. […]

    Reply

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