May 25, 2012 Writing 21

Kate sighed as she viewed the landscape around her. It was farm country. Black dapples spread over lush green, their brown spotted white counterparts dispersed like a chess game among them. Large metal silos and red barns with big black roofs were a common site along the highway. The houses varied from small, simplistic single-story homes to large plantation homes. It seemed like the smaller the house, the larger the farm was. It was an interesting contrast; one she made sure to note in her journal.

She had grown up on a farm, though hers was nothing like these. The farm she had grown up on was a dairy farm, a large development on very small land space. The house she grew up in was a small ranch style, with a great bay window she would sit and read in until it grew too dark to read. The inside was gently furnished with hand-me-downs her mother kept tidy and neat. Handmade Afghans and knitted curtains lent color to dull rooms. Her father kept the paint fresh and her mother tended a flower garden across the front that gave the house a simple beauty she’d never seen replicated elsewhere. While it had been small, it had been happy, and the farm left her with many good memories of days filled with chasing chickens, afternoons jumping from a tire swing into the creek that ran behind her house, and feeling the wind on her face as she galloped through the woods.


So this week, our assignment was setting, in 250 words. I chose to go back into my NANO novel and picked a scene from the beginning of the book, the world around where most of the story takes place. Tell me, did I put you in the scene? Could you picture it?

I always welcome and appreciate feedback. Please share your thoughts in a comment.

Thanks for stopping by and giving me a read!!

Merriam-Webster: ev definition: electric vehicle.


21 Responses

  1. Lance says:

    Very atmopsheric and lush. I like it a lot, SAM

  2. Carrie says:

    I love the first paragraph, especially this line: Black dapples spread over lush green, their brown spotted white counterparts dispersed like a chess game among them.

    The second paragraph I felt was more “telling” than “showing” and a lot of the same language was used so I think this could use a bit of a work through.

    I love the hints to Kate’s childhood and the type of people who raised her. I hope this information is used later in the book to help explain character traits.

    • SAM says:

      You know, it just occured to me this morning how much is really involved in writing a book and how much I totally lack in putting it all in there, LOL. There’s still a lot of story left to write in this one.

      And I think you picked up on whats originally a part of the story and where I added in to “flesh it out” a little. I’m not even sure that all this description is really needed in the book itself, but yeah I like the hints too.

  3. Nicely done. Some repetition, but certainly evocative.

  4. Cameron says:

    I really liked the flower garden, something about that detail added sunshine and green grass to the scene, even though you never mention them explicitly. Those are my favorite kinds of evocative images.

    • SAM says:

      I like those kinds too. Thanks for filling in the picture. Thats what I always strive for when writing descriptions. I want just enough to take you there, and let you fill in the rest.

  5. Tina says:

    Yes! I especially liked the view from the bay window…

  6. Diane Turner says:

    Really nice writing, full of great visuals. You say you lived on a dairy farm. You might want to use the smell part of that experience. I lived near a small dairy farm years ago and the stench is what I still remember years later. I liked your piece a lot!

    • SAM says:

      I didn’t actually live on a dairy farm, LOL. My experience with a dairy farm has to do with door to door fundraising and getting bit by a dog. I can imagine what it would smell like though.

  7. Waterfall says:

    I definitly felt like I was there. I love places like that.

  8. Imelda says:

    I like her house and where its at. :- Yes, you did bring me to the scene of the story.

  9. I love how one paragraph can be such a concise window into a character’s background. Well done.

  10. Patricia (@patricialynne07) says:

    Very nice. I could picture the scene very clearly in my mind.

  11. Wisper says:

    You certainly got me to picture the scene where she grew up. It’s hard for me to say if fine tuning would help the piece or not. I think it depends on the context of the rest of the longer piece. Nice job with this prompt, though. I’d love to know where she’s currently going and what’s going on that she’s remembering where she came from.

    • SAM says:

      Thank you. I don’t want to give away tooo mucch because I do hope to finish it someday and gget it published.

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