December 8, 2011 Writing 20

Jenna felt weightless as her body flew through the air. She could feel nothing, smell nothing, say nothing; her whole body was paralyzed, except her eyes. Those, she could move. Quick, fluid rotations revealed an apartment of sorts, but the lack of lighting allowed for too many shadows. The creeping light made the creamy walls look dingy and the couch she landed on, a proud flower caught from the corner of her eye, looked out of place within it.

She knew that she was going to die, just didn’t know how or when. She’d forgotten when she’d chosen the pink ballet dress for the award ceremony that the Pink Killers were still at large. She’d forgotten when she used the flat iron to straighten her dark curls that she would match their victim profile to a T.

Her eyes widened in horror as a scalpel flashed before them. She watched, silently, as a thin red line stained the pink satin on her chest. A scream gurgled within her bowels as the vision of her heart pumping in latex hands filled her sight.

If only she hadn’t missed the bus.


For the Indie Ink Writing Challenge, Kirsten Doyle challenged me with “tell a story about how missing a bus by a few seconds can change your life.” I challenged Niqui with “tell me I was dreaming.”

The picture used in the post above is the prompt for the I’m a Storyteller linkup hosted by Words in Sync. This one had a 200 word maximum.

I always welcome and appreciate concrit.


20 Responses

  1. Carrie says:

    Uhm, holy crap! So different from your earlier ideas. Freaky story, you got my heart pumping!

    • DM says:

      Yeah it did come out different. The storyteller picture started it, and the II prompt was easy enough to weave in. I might expand on this later since it leaves a lot of room for more. Thanks for brainstorming with me!!

    • DM says:

      And hahahahaa on your pun of “heart pumping”. 🙂

  2. Angelia Sims says:

    Ack!! Super scary!

  3. Holy wow! This was insanely freaky! I felt so bad for the girl! What an awesome take on the prompt!

  4. WOW! There’s an interpretation of the prompt that I wasn’t expecting 🙂 Disturbing but riveting story, very well written!

    • DM says:

      Thank you for the challenge. It was an awesome one that had so many ideas running through my head. This is the only one that would work, but I’m okay with that. I like surprising people. 😉

      Thank you for the compliment on my writing as well.

  5. debseeman says:

    I don’t just *LIKE* this I LOVE it! Wow! Creepy, scary, spine tingling. Excellent piece!

  6. Um…wow! Awesome use of the prompt (and the picture). Totally wasn’t expecting that. Bravo.

  7. brandontheduncan says:

    Good lord! You scare me with these prompt responses sometimes. Missing a bus became that huh. Wow!

  8. Okaaay, that was a little dark! I have no words.

  9. I love dark, O.K. I’m not your average girl. That pink is the title and I associate it with cotton candy ballet shoes colors really snapped me hard. For a short post you ripped some great emotions all packed in. Great work

It's YOUR write side, too! Let's hear it!

Scroll Up