Motherhood: And Then my Heart Burst…
In the early days of motherhood, there are lots of ups and downs, lots of learning experiences. Some of these experiences are inspiring while others are…humiliating…
Here is a story from the earlier years of my journey in mothering, about 12 years ago.
I blew my bangs out of my face for the umpteenth time and looked around the cramped portable. I hated being here, in the dingy dim light, waiting hours to be seen. The walls were covered with a variety of educational posters from the 1970’s and the floor was scattered with a rainbow of toys.
There was only one other woman sitting in the waiting room, but I knew it would still be at least an hour before I could see someone. You didn’t complain about the wait. When you finally got your turn in the tiny cubicle you were simply grateful that they would continue to help pay for childcare so you could keep your job.
The woman sat a few seats down and smacked her gum. I glanced at her sideways, her Baby Phat jeans looked painted on and I wondered if she could even breathe. If I was being honest with myself, I was more than a little jealous. She looked great in her trendy clothes and I felt frumpy in my mommy jeans. Every time she shifted impatiently in the hard plastic chair, the row of dangly gold bracelets jingled against her chocolate colored skin. I briefly wondered what her story was.
She caught me as I watched her and raised an eyebrow. I felt like I had intruded on her moment of quiet, perhaps this was her only break from her little ones. Maybe, like me, she was overworked, overtired, and overwhelmed with all of the day to day responsibilities of being a young mother. I turned my back to her and focused on the one ray of sunshine in the depressing room.
My daughter, not quite 2 years old. She’s such a ball of fiery energy that it was a rare treat to see her sit so quiet. She flipped the pages of a board book, slowly and upside down. She set the book aside, adjusted her bubblegum pink skirt and then looked up at me.
For a moment, I was lost in big brown eyes. She looked so cute with her fluff of blonde hair pulled up into pigtails. She smiled a radiant smile and took a deep breath.
As she began to sing, my heart burst….
“To da window…to da wall! Sweat drip down my balls…ah skeet skeet skeet skeet ah skeet skeet…..”
The other mother and I are simultaneously dying. Her, from laughter. Me, from mortification. Our children are tiny sponges who absorb everything around them and then share their newfound knowledge, at the most inopportune times.
So, thank you, Lil Jon, from me and Ms. Jingly Bracelets. In that one moment, we united in the beautiful disaster of motherhood.
Until next time, scribe happy!