Lilian Oake: Falling in Love with your Story, Again
I haven’t written anything in a long time. It’s horrible. It feels horrible and wrong and I feel out of my element. Life happened and I simply haven’t had the brain juice to get to creating again. Instead, I’ve been editing. A lot – 2 books, actually. They are both finished. Beginning, middle and end – but in need of editing. I’ve had an amazing and wonderful editor (previously a senior editor for Scholastic, YAHS) touch one of my projects for a round of editing and, by God is she great! I got all of the professional feedback any author could possibly desire on one of their manuscripts and it feels amazing to know that she enjoyed the book! Even more hopeful for my future to hear that she sees great potential there. GUYS, I can go somewhere with this!
So…why have I not finished editing and sent it back to her? Because my brain is a squishy
jello-bundt of epic failings after I have a baby, and that’s just what I did. I had a new baby at the time that she edited for me and I have not been able to refocus enough to make the necessary changes to move on with that manuscript!
Well, until a few months ago, at least.
I started pecking at the darned thing when I was on an airplane to Arizona. I’m a few chapters in but my mind is just not digging its creative claws deep enough into the thing! It KEELS me, guys!
So, I eventually burn out again and place the manuscript gently on a golden pedestal in my mind…and go into my photo gallery, and see a picture that I love because it basically depicts a scene in my OTHER book that I haven’t touched forever…and…post it on Facebook.
I get comments about it and what happens then? My BLOOD BURSTS IN FLAMES OVER THE THING. AGAIN. I get SO excited about the story all over again. Have I looked at it in the last year? Nope. Is it finished? Nope. Is it close to being finished? Not quite. Can I do anything with it? Well…I can continue the story! But…I have the other finished manuscript that’s been touched by a pro-editor. I can edit that more, no? NO. I can’t! Why not? I don’t know!!!
I am a worm. I am a little, squiggly worm, flailing in the stanky toilet-bowl of “Once-Creative-Dragon-Muse.” Yes. The book is with dragons. Focus on that…not on Muse stool, thanks.
As if that’s not bad enough, I still have Nahtaia to edit and get out there through self-publishing because it’s been out and about for so long. There’s not even *that* much editing needed on that thing. Not the hard kind of editing, at least. But I’ve burned myself out with editing! Lordy. Can I have another brain, please?
Can I borrow yours?
So here I am now…wanting with all of my heart to work on my book that’s already taken 15 years of my writing life. I feel like it’s the love-child of me and my muse and it’s come back after tossing all it’s allowance at Pokemon cards…asking for more. Am I even making any sense here?
What do I DO? Do I go with the flow and work on this baby? Or do I slap myself with a bumpaddle and force myself to continue editing the things that my brain is currently going like this to?