In Time: Touched

In Time: Touched

April 6, 2012 Writing 16

This is another segment from my serial WIP called In Time. It falls somewhere between the introduction of Viola Grace and the tattoo parlor scenes which begin with Devil Incarnate.

Her eyes smoldered with fire. Cage loved the way the soft sparks of amber framed the black centers of her eyes, creating a flame-like effect. He could get lost in those eyes for an eternity. That they hung over a delicately curved nose and full lips only added to his desire. God blessed this earth the day he decided to create Viola Grace, and Cage Ridley was the lucky recipient of her affections.

“Want to go to this little place I know near the river?” Cage asked.

“Yes, please. I would love to get away from the busyness of this place for a while. One can never just be alone here.” A coquettish smile brightened her face.

“Definitely quiet and definitely private. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else in this place.” Cage’s dimples popped with his half-cocked smile and his tongue clicked to urge the horses on. He’d borrowed the wagon from a friend just for the day. He preferred to travel on foot, but Viola Grace had a tendency for fancy boots and he wasn’t convinced those fancy boots would fare well climbing a hill or slogging through the muddy riverbank.

Nature engulfed Viola’s attention and they rode in companionable silence.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this way before. It’s so pretty!” As they crested the hill, red blossoms broke up the emerald surrounding them. A breeze lifted the hanging branches of a willow emerging from the lightly wooded area and set them to dancing. “Wait! Can we stop here for a little while and rest under the willow?”

Cage stopped the wagon and helped Viola from the seat. She giggled as his hands lingered over her waist. She pushed off his chest and took off running. Cage took chase and they fell together, breathless, in the sanctuary of the willow. Cage turned to his side, facing Viola and let his arm support his head. His breathing was still heavy, and he laughed between breaths, even as his free arm pulled her closer. When they finally caught their breath, he leaned in closer and pressed his lips against hers, wrapping her body in his full embrace. Her arm crept up to embrace him, and she pressed in closer allowing her passion to take control. His tongue breached the wall of her lips and they parted willingly. His hand weaved itself into her hair, capturing her to him as they kissed. He pressed into her, pushing her to the ground beneath him, and his hand found that sensitive space along her side, just under her arm. The air between them turned hot and she broke the kiss.

“Oh,” she sighed, her cheeks scarlet, and her lips swollen. Cage cocked his half-smile again before leaning in for another kiss.

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This week those clever ladies behind Write on Edge asked us to take this advice, pulled from an unnamed source, and quoted in Marion Roach Smith’s The Memoir Project: “Today’s fiction tip for writers: A good way to ‘liven up’ the plot of a novel is to give the characters some romantic interest. Wrong: Doreen entered the room. Right: Doreen entered the room and had sex with Roger.” with a grain (or a generous handful) of salt. Introduce a romantic interest or opportunity and see what happens.

I chose to revisit the budding romance between Cage (the Time Keeper) and Viola Grace. I’ve always believed that there was extra magic under the willow trees so I hope I brought that to life for you here. Please feel free to share your thoughts with me in a comment. I welcome and appreciate all feedback.

By the way, this is supposed to be a YA story. Do you think this scene is too steamy?

Thanks for stopping by and reading!!

 

16 Responses

  1. Kalamapele says:

    I love the description of her eyes at the beginning – well done! As far as if this is too much for YA, I’d personally say no, it’s nothing more than they see in movies and such of our culture. Then again, you can always find someone who says it’s all too much. Either way, Good job, I love it!

    • SAM says:

      You make a good point. Someone is always going to have a problem with something. Thanks for sharing your opinion!

  2. Ooh, under a willow no less. Sigh.

    “God blessed this earth the day he decided to create Viola Grace, and Cage Ridley was the lucky recipient of her affections.” Since we’re talking about the Man Upstairs, and since this is a period piece, try “God blessed this earth the day He decided to create…” If Cage is religious enough to thank God for her existence, the capitalized pronoun would be appropriate here and would eliminate confusion, if any, about who did what. Just a thought.

    Also, unless Cage was looking in a mirror, he wouldn’t be thinking about his dimples and wouldn’t truly know if they “popped”. I think the half-cocked smile would work fine on its own there without that.

    And my opinion ss far as YA appropriateness…I’ve read worse in ’80s written YA books that involved more skin and fondling, and even in recent times in those sparkling vampire numbers. Teen readers have seen it all these days, so it just boils down to characterization. A “bad-boy in high school” for example would not use “gosh darn” when he could be swearing. In this case, it’s a Victorian scandal simply to snog under a tree.

    Anyway, I love the use of the setting here. It gives a richness to the scene that supports the “steamy” of the rendezvous. Great job!

    • SAM says:

      You are 100% correct. That does need to be capitalized. Thank you!!

      And snog under a tree makes me laugh. That’s an awesome way to put the indiscretion. 😉

  3. I like this side of Viola. Softer, yet still that hint of danger, gives her more depth.

  4. Studio Liz says:

    This was a very nice read. I read YA from before I was old enough to when I was too old to admit it (so…now.) I don’t think this is too steamy. I think it is refreshing to read a romance scene in YA that feels real. After all, for nerdy kids like me, reading was all the romance I got!

  5. Carrie says:

    For a YA, if you keep it to no more than this level, you should be fine. Taking it to the next stage could be pushing it to adult. But it will depend on the publisher for how much they allow.

    I love seeing this side of viola grace. She seems so swet and innocent, as if fancy clothes was all she was worried about. What the hell happened?

  6. Cameron says:

    I don’t think you’re over the top for YA, but like Carrie, I’d be cautious about taking it further physically–emotionally, you can probably get a lot more sensual, if that makes sense?

    There are a couple of sentences in here with fantastic imagery that I’d love to see smoothed out and tightened up. For example:

    “Her eyes smoldered with fire. Cage loved the way the soft sparks of amber framed the black centers of her eyes, creating a flame-like effect.”

    You’ve said her eyes smolder, so we know they’re fiery, I would let the metaphor show, rather than tell. I can picture the amber around her irises just from the smolder and flame. Maybe something like, “Her eyes smoldered with fire. Cage loved those soft, amber flames.”

    I’m really interested to see the transition from this Viola to the other.

    • SAM says:

      Thanks! I’ll definitely work on tightening those up. I’m honestly interested in seeing how its all going to work out too. So many ideas, so many directions, so little time. Haha. Ironic since this is called “In Time.” LOL.

  7. I don’t think it’s too much, physically, though I think you’re basically at the limit of how far you can take it. You did a great job making it sensual and emotional while only having them kiss. Great job with that 🙂

    I wouldn’t have expected her to be so carefree, so this is interesting and makes me wonder how they go from here to pushing him off the train.

    • SAM says:

      I am interested in seeing where this goes too. I have a feeling Viola Grace is a much more complex character than I have ever written before.

  8. To answer your question…. Nope! I don’t think that it’s to steamy for YA novel. I’d say that there is a line and you’re getting close, but with a disclaimer you could probably take it bit further if you wanted.

    I really am enjoying your stories though!

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