In Time: The Choice

In Time: The Choice

May 18, 2012 Writing 18

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The neon lifeline flashing steadily across the screen left a soft glow in the otherwise dark room. Specters of metal tables and strange shaped equipment hovered in the background clean and ready for use. Orvella hovered around the small shape on the bed beneath the screen. A thin line ran from the bed to a bag filled with dark liquid hung on a hook just above Viola Grace’s head.  Footsteps on the stairs and a light spilling from the corner of the room confirmed the woman’s arrival.

“Orvella! We must hurry. They are coming!” the woman said.

Orvella glanced at the bag, still half-full.

“But that is impossible, Henrietta. The transfer is incomplete.”

Henrietta closed her eyes, breathing shallowly through her nose. When she opened them, her irises had changed from their natural color to red. Orvella startled. This was against their agreement. She closed her own eyes, stifling her instinctive reaction to release the vamp within her in counter. This very bad situation was about to take a turn for the worse.

“They are coming, Orvella. There is no time to finish the transfer. We must use other means.”

“No. We cannot. It is against the code!” Orvella grabbed Henrietta’s hands.

Henrietta laughed and shook her off.  “The code? There is no code, my dear Orvella. Only you against me. We both know how that would end. I suggest you run while you still can.”

Orvella turned her back to Henrietta.

“I will not. Our pact is set in blood. You must not do this. You must let the transfer complete. It is vital that it be completed. You will destroy her!”

Henrietta grabbed Orvella’s shoulders.

“No. I will complete her. Is that not what we desire? One with our power to do our bidding? Take on this war with Father Lee?”

Orvella turned and faced her.

“Yes, but we must leave her free will or we will destroy her. We chose her for a reason and we must not, must not, upset the balance. Henrietta, please.”

They are coming. We risk everything if we don’t finish it now.” Henrietta’s eyes were no longer red and they pleaded with Orvella. Her voice was a whisper as she continued. “Please, Orvella.”

Orvella watched as the last ember of hope died in Henrietta’s eyes. She bowed her head and stroked Viola Grace’s cheek.

“I will die to protect you,” she whispered.


This week Nancy of Write On Edge challenged us to write a story or memoir which relates to choices and/or consequences using dialogue, action, and reaction in no more than 400 words. Because of the word count, we could choose to just focus on the choice or the consequence. I chose to focus on the choice.

So how did I do? Did I meet the requirements of the prompt? Feel free to share your feedback, good or bad, in a comment.

Thanks for stopping by and reading!



18 Responses

  1. Grape says:

    Ooh, interesting! So many choices for each character to have to make. Well done! #writeonedge

  2. Carrie says:

    Ah, so here is where Viola Grace is changed…if it had gone through as it was, with the transfusion, what would have been the difference? I wasn’t sure.

    Does this mean one of them will “bite” her to make the change occur?

    • SAM says:

      it hasn’t really been discussed yet. at some point later in the story the circumstances behind Viola’s transformation will be a key part of her redemption. At that point it will be revealed why it matters so much that the transfusion complete vs being bit. at the end of this part, Henrietta hasn’t been completely persuasive so it’s not yet decided what will happen.

  3. Wisper says:

    “She closed her own eyes, stifling her instinctive reaction to release the vamp within her in counter.” I’m not sure I’m following this sentence. I think it’s the in counter part that I’m tripping over. Granted, I haven’t read the previous scenes in this story and that may be why.

    Overall, I love this. I get the sense that this is such a momentous choice to make and it isn’t quite 100% made yet at the end of this scene. Great suspense there.

    • Marian says:

      encounter? i guess that doesn’t work, either.

    • SAM says:

      It’s supposed to signify that Henrietta (her irises changed from their normal color to red) is preparing to “vamp out” which would be a bad thing because it would cause Orvella to vamp in return, thus the “in counter”. If you have any suggestions on better wording, I’m all ears.

      perhaps in response would work better?

  4. Marian says:

    gee, you really are good with the creepy shit. and i just have to say, the name “Orvella” for that character is a stroke of genius!

  5. I’m kind of intruiged about the transfusion versus the biting, and I really liked the battle of wills between Orvella and Henrietta.

  6. Ooh nice! The tension here is dark and delicious. Regarding: “Henrietta’s eyes were no longer red and they pleaded with Orvella.” There’s nothing particularly wrong with this, but I think I would like to see something along the lines of “The red faded from Henrietta’s pleading eyes.” Just to tighten the phrasing.

    Excellent take on the prompt!

  7. Very nice, great tension that makes me worry for the characters.

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