In Time: Flocked

In Time: Flocked

March 19, 2012 Writing 9

This piece picks up where Devil Incarnate left off.

“You’re no God. You are the Devil Incarnate.” Viola seethed.  “It was you who ordered the hit on Cage Ridley, wasn’t it?”

Father Lee sniffed. The girl restraining her arm moved slightly and answered instead.

“He is God. He can do anything.”

“A loyal subject, I see.” There was no disguising the disdain in Viola’s voice. “Tell me, would you kill for him, too?” Viola winced as the needle bit deeper into her flesh. It was as if Father Lee did it on purpose.

“I have and I would again.” She flipped her long ebony braids over her shoulders. She wore a bright red wool flat cap that was brightened by the darkness of her hair. Viola noted that her clothing had a more modern approach but fit in with the Victorian dress code she was familiar with.

“This is my devoted disciple, Nieve,” Father Lee said without looking up or pausing in his work. “It was actually she who put out the contract on Mr. Ridley.”

Viola could feel the rage brewing like a virus in her belly. She felt the adrenaline flow through her veins. Another prick of pain was ignored as her fingers curled together into fists. Viola felt her fist make contact with Nieve’s chin and the pressure on her arm release as Nieve stumbled backwards. Father Lee sat up just as Viola  swung out and caught her fist in his empty hand. He laughed again.

“You always  were a feisty one, even as babe.” He said as he clamped her free arm down and returned to his task. “I know this is not what you want to hear, but it was necessary for Mr. Ridley to die. He knew it would happen. He even knew it would be you that would betray him.” Viola felt fire in her cheeks. She knew he was right, but she still regretted her actions. “He is serving his purpose much better as the Time Keeper. We did him a service.”

“You took his heart away and gave him a steel one in exchange. I hardly call that a service,” Viola spat.

“I had no part of that, just as I had no part in your rebirth. I merely summoned the players and hold the playbook.” Father Lee pulled the gun away and paused to look at his handiwork. Viola saw satisfaction cross his face and his head bob as he nodded to Nieve. Nieve responded by bringing him a roll of white gauze, a thin magnet, and a small tube filled with a clear gooey substance. Viola glanced at her wrist quickly and admired the intricate weave of the ink that created the small Celtic cross engraved there.

When it was wrapped, Father Lee released her and helped her sit up. “This tattoo will be your saving grace. All those you encounter from this point on will know that you belong to me. Only the boldest dare slaughter a sheep from the Desmond Lee congregation. You will have greater success collecting my trinkets.”

Viola felt rage in the pit of her stomach again. “Your trinkets? What makes you think I am doing this for you?” She  pulled up her sleeves revealing numerous marks and scars along her arms. “You may have put your mark on me but as these others quickly learned, I belong to no man.” She rose to her full height standing in front of him and stared into his eyes. “I don’t need your ‘saving grace.’ I have my own.” She pulled a small swatch of black velvet out of her pocket and covered her wrist with it.

She felt the shift of power as he eyed the large magnet framed with rubies, emeralds, and sapphires cresting the top of the swatch. His eyes narrowed into slits and something small and round pressed into the middle of her back. She  had forgotten Nieve.

“You’ve just signed your death certificate,” Nieve said. Father Lee shook his head, but it was too late. Viola raised her arms and let the words fall silently from her lips. Her image flickered, then became solid, before flickering again. Her voice remained even as her body disappeared.

“No, you’ve just signed yours.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last Thursday I posted the piece introducing Father Lee and it was supposed to meet 4 prompts. It fell short of one, which was to write about an anti-hero (or antagonist if you prefer). It was an inspiring prompt from Write on Edge, and this is how it turned out. All of these characters are essentially bad guys, and all of them could be anti-heroes to the Time Keeper.

I think this also meets the challenge from The Lightning and the Lightning Bug Flicker of Inspiration prompt: Killer First Line so I am linking up with them also.

I really appreciate your feedback. It really helps improve my writing and shows me what I need to work on. I welcome it with open arms. Feel free to share your thoughts in a comment. I’m really interested in knowing who you think the antagonist is here and in the long run. Between this story and Devil Incarnate did I develop both Father Lee and Nieve well enough that you can picture them in your head?

Thanks for stopping by!!

 

9 Responses

  1. Carrie says:

    I really must start checking out The Lightening Bug 🙂

    Besides that, I liked this scene. I have a good impression of Nieve now but I’m sure you will dribble other bits about her as time goes on. She is definitely under Father Lee’s cult like power

  2. lexy3587 says:

    “Her voice remained even as her body disappeared” – gave me a chill, it’s such an ominous ending to the scene. Both the crazy father and Nieve definitely came across. Her devotion to him is very clear, by the way she’s completely indifferent to the fact that she’s killed for him.

  3. Renee says:

    Oh yes! You have a good story going on.
    I love the continuous distrust between your characters.

  4. May says:

    I like the surprise ending as she fades away and turns the tables on him with her comment.

  5. TheKirCorner says:

    OOOOH, this was my favorite in this series up to now, I love thinking of her disappearing in front of them, just vanishing.

    plus the writing is smooth and telling, it moves the scene and completely held me.

    yes, I see Fr Lee and Nieve in my head now…and I’m shaking with fear. 😉

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