In Time: Feed

For authors, by authors, one word at a time

In Time: Feed

June 29, 2012 Writing 26
This image belongs to Madison Woods.

Fierce pangs ravaged Viola’s body. An insane thirst drove her through the woods, her sense of smell heightened. She followed the trail of heat, not caring what the source of that heat might be. In her plagued mind, it meant food.

The leaves taunted her with its scent. The changes within her new body caused an awkwardness that hampered her pursuit. Suddenly, she lost the scent. Her thirst screamed in response. She stepped into a small glade and multiple aromas overtook her. Only one stood out.

It overpowered the others, and she followed it. The smell grew stronger as she walked. There, behind a thick patch of poisonous weeds, were the reddest berries she’d ever seen. She pulverized them; grabbing handfuls and shoving them in her mouth, feeling the thick juice run down her throat, temporarily squashing her thirst.

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Today’s insert in my In Time WIP is brought to you by Madison Woods #FridayFictioneers and 3 Word Wednesday (Taunt, Hamper, Pulverize).

For more of this story, click here.

I welcome and appreciate your feedback, so please share your thoughts on this piece in a comment.

Thank you for stopping by and reading!!

 

26 Responses

  1. Hi SAM,
    You tease with some tantalizing hint, especially the one about her new body. This is a story that I think could be effectively developed into a longer tale. My story is here: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

  2. mysocalledDutchlife says:

    I really want to know what she has become and what she was before. All the red has me clamouring for vampire already. I’m intrigued, but still satisfied by this little slice 🙂

    I’m here: http://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/friday-fictioneers-29th-june/

    • SAM says:

      Thank you for that. I aim to tantalize with each piece to make people want to read more. That this was successful with that pleases me. Thanks again!

      Your instincts are also right on with the vampire. I’m surprised that it was so easily understood without tradition references, even for those who haven’t followed along. Yay me!

  3. Carrie says:

    interesting that she is drawn to the berries…what kind of vampire is she…or are these “special blood berries” 😉

    This phrase read awkwardly: The leaves taunted her with its scent. Leaves is plural but its it singlular, right? Should it be ‘their’ instead?

    • SAM says:

      No. Whatever she was originally following (which was left unnamed) was singular and that’s the scent the leaves were taunting her with. Perhaps I should look at the sentence more closely and find a better way to word it.

      They could be special berries. It hasn’t been revealed to me yet. I still have to fill in between Orvella’s death after the time travel and this piece.

  4. Kwadwo says:

    There’s a hint of “vampirism” in the story, but is that what she really is?

    http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/28/w-m-d/

    • SAM says:

      Yes. She is a new vampire. The way she came to be a vampire is different than the norm though, in hopes that more of the real Viola Grace (her pre-vamp name) will remain in Viola.

      • Kwadwo says:

        Ok. The 100-word limit is really tasking, isn’t it? Trimming everything down makes it quite a challenge to get the message across the a reader.

  5. Brian Benoit says:

    Very nice descriptions; her experience of the space, and the source of the heat, made the woods seem real to me, and the pulverization of the berries was executed well with your description. I’ll agree with Carrie that I thought “its” was meant to refer to “the leaves,” and that tripped me up a bit, but the snippet over all is really, really strong.

    Here’s hoping you post more of your WIP sometime!

  6. I thought at first that she was a non-human animal. Then she had hands, which confused me. I didn’t think of vampire. Mine’s on the list.

    • SAM says:

      Yes I didn’t come out and say it, mainly because I wanted to intrigue those who have never read the story before and because it’s unnecessary for those keeping up with the story. I apologize if it didn’t quite work for you.

  7. billgncs says:

    liked it, I thought you could tighten it just a bit for more impact. ie this sentence:

    The changes within her new body caused an awkwardness that hampered her pursuit.

    might be something like…

    her new body wracked with changes hampered her pursuit —

    bw

    • SAM says:

      That sentence could posibly use some reorganiization. I rewrote it several times. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

      • billgncs says:

        It was still very nice. I always look for two word verbs, “was going”, “had felt” and try to switch them to single action verbs to make the prose move.

  8. tollykit says:

    Intense and intriguing. I do hope you take this story further.

    And for your readers here’s mine
    http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/raspberries-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction/

  9. Mike says:

    An enjoyable piece of writing Sam.
    The need to drink and the uncertainty of what is happening to her body created a sense of urgency & the final eating of the berries no more than a mere respite.

  10. Author M.J. Wille (@mjwauthor2012) says:

    Great story 🙂 I thought you were going in a completely different direction when you were talking about her thirst and her new body. I thought it was a vampire type of story lol. But it was really good 🙂 Thanks for sharing this.

    M.J. Wille, author

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