September 2, 2011 Writing 17

This is another segment of Weathered, continued from yesterday’s story, called Awakening. Missed a piece? I’ve got them all tabbed here.


The car ride home started out in a companionable silence. Thomas’s driving was smooth, though the streets through Manhattan were naturally gridlocked. The chocolate sky she viewed through the sunroof was filled with tan marshmallows. The slight breeze she’d felt between the sterility of the hospital and the climate controlled car had revived her spirit. She would have welcomed a nice walk, but the desire was quickly overcome by the rush of people on the sidewalks. She still didn’t trust her legs yet. She found herself suddenly touched that Anthony had taken such care in his consideration of her.

“Anthony, I…” her voice trailed off. She didn’t know quite how to finish or what she really wanted to say. She wasn’t quite ready to completely trust anyone yet even though his actions of late had proved that he wasn’t just around because of her name or fortune. The silver that met her blue was filled with understanding, and this time when he reached out to touch her, she didn’t push him away.

“Blair, I have so much to show you. I’m trying to give you time to recuperate, but I’m worried.”

“Worried? About me? No, I’m fine. In fact, I think I’m in better shape than I was before my hospital stay.”

“No. I know you are fine. I’m worried about the gallery. I’m worried about your ‘vultures’, the ones who are waiting for you to fail. They’d like nothing else. You and I both know that.”

“Yes, I know, but I’m not worried. I have no reason to be worried. A Weathers always overcomes.”

“If the process is slowed down any longer, you may lose your grants and loans.” His heart hammered as he watched her face crumble briefly before her composure reinserted itself.  “Even the Weathers name can only go so far, especially since your father isn’t backing this project.”

She winced at the slight reprimand. She’d never had repercussions for throwing her father’s name around. She never directly lied, she just let people choose to believe what they wanted, especially since things usually went her way. His suggestion angered her.

“Well. If your bank wants to withdraw its funding simply because my father isn’t backing my project, then so be it. I have other resources I can tap into.” The door bit her shoulder as she pulled her hand away from his. “If you recall, it wasn’t his money that I was borrowing. I got the loan free and clear of him.”

“Blair! I wasn’t suggesting…” Her eyes were captivated by the way his jaw hardened as he clamped his teeth together. She was amused by his aggravation. “I’m not suggesting that you did.” His words rolled out in a sigh.

“It sounded that way. What are you saying, then?”

“I’m saying that something has to give. The bank needs to see that this project is moving, that its end is in sight, and you will start turning a profit. Your biggest hold up right now is getting the patents you need to proceed, correct?”

“Yes. Apparently my uncomplicated ideas are a complication for the state of New York. Since they are new and untested, they are resisting giving them to me. Bill was supposed to be taking care of that for me.”

“He has. I can assure you of that. Do you mind if we stop by my place so I can grab my briefcase? I have things I need to show you. I think I have a solution for you. While you’ve been sleeping, I’ve been working. I think you will like what I have accomplished.”

The spark that suddenly appeared in his eyes was hard for Blair to resist. It went against her very nature, but she felt her resistance dissolving. Her heart warred with her head, her resolve. For every brick placed on her wall, her heart removed three. For every time she slammed the door, she found another piece of him had worked itself to the other side. Whatever he was doing made her feel as if she had jumped on the Berserker with a full stomach, but she also knew she didn’t want him to stop.

“Yes, I would like to see it.” Her hand slid back to the center of the seat, an open invitation she hoped he wouldn’t refuse.


A Write on Edge meme

This week’s prompt was “A season of change.” We were instructed to write about a change for a character or ourselves, literal or metaphorical.

As always, I welcome constructive criticism.

This was also written in response to Prompt #2 from the Writing Workshop on Bloggy Moms. The prompt was “on the other side of the door.”

Won’t you join Bloggy Moms Writing Workshop today and see what all the writing craze is all about!


17 Responses

  1. Lance says:

    Love the dialogue

    Glad you ended with that hopeful but cliffhangish line.

    AS always, I’m in. Good job.

  2. Carrie says:

    Your dialogue has definitely improved from piece to piece. It gets stronger, more realistic. I just have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach…that Anthony won’t be everything we hope he will be…that there is something I missed or vaguely remember from another segment.


    • DM says:

      So…that means I need to go back and edit all the dialogue before this piece, LOL! IDK, Anthony may be the one real constant she needs because things are about to get really hairy now.

  3. julie says:

    ‘For every brick placed on her wall, her heart removed three’ Loved this line. sounds like her heart might just win this one. Great conversation.

  4. Nancy C says:

    I agree that your dialogue is true to life, and more importantly, balances between the internal and external currents. Meaning, you convey all of the various conflicts clearly.

    Fun and intriguing!

    • DM says:

      Thank you. I’m glad that it is balancing out. Perhaps I should choose to write this story immediately after reading more often.

  5. Galit Breen says:

    I love the romance,t he inner tension, the outer drama.

    I adore lines like -The silver that met her blue – they sound like poetry!

    Go you!

  6. CDG says:

    I like the way you handled a character who’s obviously multi-faceted, but on the surface spoiled and (perhaps?) devious, but not malicious. The way she feints and parries is great; the dialogue is really strong.

  7. J.R. Reed says:

    Sweet. I could say more, but “Sweet” pretty much sums it up.

  8. I liked the dialogue a lot. The pacing was good, as was the back and forth. Nice job!

    • DM says:

      Thank you! I think it was a little longer than you actually prefer, but I didn’t see anything I could leave out. At least the pacing was good.

  9. Kristy @PampersandPinot says:

    I love the way it ended!

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