A Hallmark Moment

A Hallmark Moment

November 11, 2011 Writing 34

“Do you ever regret it? Marrying him so young?”

“No. I got to finish school even though we married. That was thanks to the military, but still. There are a lot of young wives who can’t say that. And I love him, so that’s a bonus.”

“Well, I knew that part. I just wondered if you ever wish you had waited to get married. You know, had time to play the field a little before settling down.”

“No, I really don’t. Honestly. I think the moment I met him, looking sharp in that ROTC uniform, I knew it was forever. I don’t think I could have played the field even if I’d had the opportunity. He captured my heart with ‘Hello’.” A dreamy look developed on her face. Fallon knew that look well. She smiled.

“Ah, Martin! Martin, Martin, Martin. If only I had known the trouble you’d be, I’d have done everything in my power to keep Kate away from you!” Fallon’s head shifted from side to side, her fiery crown settling in soft curls along her jawline. Her words ended in a higher pitch, something she did when she was laughing.

“You would not!!” Kate’s hand flicked out and slapped the air, feigning shock. “You still would have played the cupid card and set us up. You know it, too.”

“Oh, I know. I just miss the moments we never had together after he came into our lives.”

“Hahahaha! ‘The moments we never had’? Haha. You should start writing Hallmark cards with those lines. You’re almost as bad as Martin.”

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This week’s assignment was to show a relationship between two characters, fiction or real, through dialogue in 300 words or less. This is a 264 word snippet from my NaNo.

Did it work? Concrit welcome.

 

34 Responses

  1. Angelia Sims says:

    Ha ! Maybe they should have some realist Hallmark cards. 🙂 Love that name Fallon.

    • DM says:

      I think you are right. It would make life so much easier. 😉 Fallon is on my short (and will never used) list of names for non-existent, never gonna happen children. If I can’t name any more children, why not use the names for my characters (though Martin and Malcolm were never on my list. LOL).

  2. Lance says:

    Like the last two lines a lot.

    Love the warmth of the conversation.

  3. Tina says:

    Two old friends, laughing. What could be more magical than that? I loved the play between them!

    • DM says:

      I’m hoping for more conversations like this between them, even if the subject won’t always be light. Thanks for stopping in, Tina.

  4. Sara says:

    I liked the back and forth of this conversation. It has a quick pace and a teasing nature that comes with long friendships.

    I also felt there was something deeper in this conversation..a subtext about Fallon’s relationship with Kate. Something that’s not been spoken aloud.

    Good read and take on the prompt.

    • DM says:

      Thanks, Sara. Obviously I still have a lot to write, and your words make me wonder if there isn’t more to Fallon’s relationship with Kate then meets the eye. A nice spin to add to my story, perhaps, as if there isn’t enough going on already! LOL.

  5. Carrie says:

    you know what I think 🙂 I love how comfortable they are. It’s obvious they are aold friends, been there for each other

    I hope Fallon will always be there for Kate

    • DM says:

      I wonder too. I know how the ending is supposed to go, but whether that really happens or not is still anyone’s guess. I think there might be more than meets the eye here, but Kate is definitely going to need a good friend.

  6. This is a stellar line: “‘The moments we never had’? Haha. You should start writing Hallmark cards with those lines.” So much story is packed in this little line.

    I read this entry once before, but stopped. I came back. This line stops me as a reader: “No. I got to finish school even though I did.” Maybe it is early and I’ve only had one cup of coffee, or maybe this is only a NaNo draft, but what ever the reason this sentence confused me. I feel like I’m in on a conversation, but I’ not sure who the players are, nor do I know their relationship to each other.

    • DM says:

      Thank you. I trip over that sentence a little myself, wondering if she is being clear enough when she says it for readers to know what she means. I heard once that if I have to explain, then it needs to be rewritten, so, yes, let’s chalk it to a NaNo write (which is about to get edited, LOL). I’m gonna go fix the sentence, so thank you for verifying what I was thinking about the line the whole time.

      I hope your NaNo is moving along.

  7. Venus says:

    I definitely felt a romantic vibe between these two. I actually at first thought Fallon was a guy who felt he’d missed his opportunity. Upon re-reading it’s clear she’s a girl though. Not like girls can’t have a romantic relationship… I just wonder if that’s what you were going for or not. If it was, then I think you did a fantastic job communicating it. I like the easy intimacy of the conversation. 🙂

    • DM says:

      No, not romantic, just really close friends–the kind that knows all your secrets like a lover would and loves you anyway. 😉

      I think the relationship is being understand well enough all around so I’m really pleased with that. Thank you for stopping by and reading.

  8. The M Half says:

    I love this. Sounds like 2 old friends, or sisters. In fact, I think I’ve had this conversation with my sister! I also use names on my list of non-existent never-gonna-happen children as character names. 🙂

  9. I love the intimate exchange between these two friends as well. I do wonder a little of Fallon might be slightly jealous that she did not marry Martin.

    • DM says:

      Interesting. I like your take on this though it hadn’t crossed my mind before. That being said, this conversation is the only real writing I have done involving Fallon. I have another short conversation with her where Kate reveals that Martin isn’t quite the same man she has always known, but Fallon is still wide open for discovery. I’m actually looking forward to seeing where she is going to go and what she is going to do in the story, even though she is merely a supporting character.

  10. Jackie says:

    I like the easy, open friendship that they seem to have. A Hallmark card in the making for sure!

  11. TheKirCorner says:

    I saw best friends here, and like someone else I thought that Fallon might be an old love…and old friend who never got his chance…I read it again and saw the friendship…these older women now dicussing their young years with laughter and nostalgia. I loved it!

  12. Galit Breen says:

    I love the friendship-intimacy you’ve created. There’s something so relatable about old friends- ones who knew us before we were wives or mothers. I’m looking forward to reading more!

  13. shah wharton says:

    Oh – I’m intrigued re your nano now! 😀

    P.S: You can win a KINDLE and up to 50 book for you and the troops! PLUS the next writing PROMPT is a list including two pics. http://wordsinsync.blogspot.com/2011/11/storyteller-linky-challenge-3-phrase.html

  14. Cameron says:

    Old friends, one perhaps “worldlier” than the other? But the other knowing her own truths. I like the gentle humor and the sense of comfort in their exchange.

  15. This rings very true to me. It sounds like a conversation I’ve had with my best friend.

  16. I agree with everyone above. A romantic tale. I read it as an exchange between a man and a woman. I man that was calmly thinking back and wishing he had had more time with her, but not jealous, wishful. Felt like there was something more, something untold. Are they playing with fire? I guess we will all see! Well done!

  17. (FL) Girl with a New Life says:

    I do love the idea of being swept up into no-going-back love at a tender age. Romantic.

    Best of luck with nanowrimo! Happy writing.

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