January 17, 2012 Writing 35

Although Trudi felt wicked for liking all that attention, she couldn’t stop herself from enjoying it. The gentle breeze she’d felt as she climbed out of the window took on a harsh turn, blowing with such force she was convinced it was a willing accomplice to her demise. The crowd gathered below looked like ants mulling busily about their sandy home. Blue lights flickered in the distance, but she couldn’t move yet. The thrill of all the attention was still great, no matter how wicked she felt. She awarded herself this moment.  She deserved this last hurrah before blinking from existence.

The sirens grew louder, breaking her reverie. She closed her eyes and breathed, in and out, feeling her breath course through her lungs, fill her chest and filter out through her nose; the smoke circling about her head as if it was a chimney. She could wait no longer. She had to do this before the officers arrived. They would use their sway to change her mind, because they always did. They put on an act of caring, but they didn’t. They threw you away, locked you up, and ignored you just like the rest of society.

She breathed again, her green eyes open this time, her arms held out on either side of her, the fringes of her suede jacket fluttering in the wind like flightless birds, and a small piece of paper held tight in her right fist. She closed her eyes again, willing her mind to empty and her knees to stop trembling. She lifted her face to the sky, drinking in the sunlight as it wrapped her in its halo. The smile that caressed her face reached all the way down into her soul. She felt her body fall forward slowly, succumbing to the pull of gravity at last. She felt the wind catch her, rock her, as she tumbled from the sky to the waiting arms of the earth below.

She would be ignored no more.


For the Indie Ink Writing Challenge this week, Lilu challenged me with “take the book nearest you, flip to page 45 and use the first full sentence as your prompt/inspiration for your text” . I challenged Headant with “Take the long way home.”

( The book was Stones from the River by Ursula Hegi and the sentence from page 45 is the first line of the story)

I also took on the Trifecta writing challenge again, though this is the first time doing it properly. Here is my 333 word response to: sway noun: and it’s 3rd definition of: 3  a : a controlling influence
    b : sovereign power : dominion
    c : the ability to exercise influence or authority : dominance

I’m always looking for constructive criticism. Please feel free to share your thoughts on my piece.


35 Responses

  1. Carrie says:

    Love it. The wickedness of liking the negative attention, the desire to go out with a bang, of being recognized for something in her life, not just shuffled off and forgotten.

    Very well done

  2. columbibueno says:

    I liked this! So glad she did it.

  3. Marian says:

    wonderful! though i’m not glad she did it.

  4. Tina says:

    Okay, that was just great! Very intense, but brilliant.

  5. Angelia Sims says:


    Amazing descriptions, I was trembling too….

  6. trifecta says:

    Just a reminder: you’ll need to use the noun form of the word in order to qualify. 🙂

  7. Frelle says:

    beautifully vivid and descriptive, not just about the physical surroundings and the intimate sensations of the wind, the sun, the breathing, but the emotional part as well. Captivating. Well done!!!

  8. Billy Flynn says:


    The simplicity and the honesty of your voice was almost overwhelming, I always need to know why; but in the end, her voice and the details make me just accept that it needed to happen. The ‘why’ in this case became far less important to me than the experience. I barely breathed: saw the fringes flutter, the blue lights twinkle and the finality of her short dance with gravity.

    Great piece!

  9. jesterqueen1 says:

    I love this sentence: “The smile that caressed her face reached all the way down into her soul.”

    I felt so connected to her before she fell. And I found that I didn’t need to want to know what the paper in her right hand said, because I got the gist of it from her thoughts of being ignored and feeling unloved.

    • SAM says:

      Thank you for the feedback. It’s an amazing feeling to know that what you set out to accomplish in your writing is exactly what you did. Thank you!

  10. Satu says:

    Loved the ending and how you managed to make it sound so beautiful when in fact it is just very sad and shocking.

  11. Tara R. says:

    Very intense! You built the suspense with tight pacing and that last line was perfect.

  12. booguloo says:

    Chills and spills. She went through with it! I hate heights. Liked the piece.

  13. The last graph is especially beautiful. Love the way you slow down the action. Sad and powerful.

  14. Hope I’m not double entering, but my first time through didn’t make it. Loved the last graph especially, the final enjoyment of the sun, reacing her soul.

    • SAM says:

      It’s okay. I like the double comments. 😉 Besides your feedback was different each time. Thank you!! Congratulations on your nomination. I really really like yours too.

  15. trifecta says:

    Thank you for joining us for this week’s Trifecta Challenge. (Thank you also for finding a way to edit your piece in order to comply with our crazy demands.) My favorite parts of this piece are how you give attention to your character’s internal conflict of knowing she shouldn’t take satisfaction in worrying people and her ultimate decision to do so anyway. I thought that was quite clever. I also like “flightless birds.” Very nicely done. Come back on Monday to check for the new prompt!

  16. Wow, you really captured something there, gently highlighting all those hideously complex issues and revealing her inner person. 🙂

  17. This was so good. I loved the imagery you used; I felt as if I was on that ledge with her. My favorite line has to be: ” She lifted her face to the sky, drinking in the sunlight as it wrapped her in its halo.”

    BTW, I’m catching up on all your stories, so be prepared for lots of comments from me. LOL

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