Fairy Tale {Part 4}

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Fairy Tale {Part 4}

February 3, 2012 Writing 19

Last time with the princess: Fairy Tale Pt 3

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The princess lifted her head from the gilded vanity and looked in the mirror again. Her chocolate tresses shone from rigorous brushing. Her Caribbean blue eyes sparkled just as they always did. Her skin was creamy as it always was; her cheeks the ripened cherries she’d been born with. She didn’t see any of that, however. She only saw the slight crook in her nose. It was so subtle that she had to look hard, but it was definitely different than it was yesterday, and there was a small spot not unlike a bindi between her eyes that was never there before. Tears formed and dropped, leaving dark splotches on the gold surface of the vanity. It was so ugly.

The healer did this. She didn’t know how, but he took her beauty and put it in that little pouch he wore around his neck. She would get that pouch from him before he could steal any more of her beauty. She let her anger take over, and the tears dried quickly on her face. Her parents would be appalled. She’d ignored them when they knocked earlier, but she knew they’d be waiting on the other side of the door. She slipped a pink satin robe around her shoulders and headed towards the door. She stopped mid-stride when she heard the music. They were playing her song!

She flew to the window in confusion and saw her parents step out on the balcony overlooking the courtyard. They were accompanied by the healer and a girl. Her eyes widened in fright as she saw the girl was dressed like her, even to the point of covering her face exactly as she did! Her chest heaved as she gasped in anger. How dare they! Not only did they replace her, but they used her song! She was the princess. She was supposed to be irreplaceable!

The music stopped at the same place it always did, and the crowd was quiet like they always were. The faint voice of the crier filtered through the window panes. She heard her name, and watched as the impersonator curtsied. She was horrified. That was the most terrible curtsy she’d ever seen. The people would never buy it. She could feel the beginning of a smile lighting up her face. No, the people were smarter than that. It would never work. They knew their princess and they loved her.

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This week Write on Edge’s Red Writing Hood challenge was to show how my character reacts to a piece of music and keep it 400 words or less.

The princess is a brat, eh? Aren’t they all?

I’m always looking for feedback on my stories, so feel free to share your thoughts. Feedback helps me grow.

Thank you for stopping by and reading!

 

 

19 Responses

  1. Angelia Sims says:

    That was good. 🙂 She is being healed just fine I think. Ha.

  2. Jackie says:

    Couple things….
    1. LOVED this and I will be going back to read more.
    2. LOVE the new look.
    3. LOVE the button!

    That’s all.

  3. barbara @ de rebus, via Write on Edge says:

    Very interesting! Looking forward to reading more!

  4. lexy3587 says:

    I went back and read the rest of them as well… very good. Silly princess, first you want to be not-blindingly-beautiful, then you want to not have any imperfections? Very much looking forward to the next one!

    • SAM says:

      I think it’s more her parents desire to find her a suitor that it was her own, LOL. Either way, I’m anxious to see where they will take me next.

  5. sarahealy says:

    Okay, this is fascinating story. I read the other sections. They do help understand what’s happening.

    I like how you move a story along. Each one I read made me want to keep on reading. In addition, you’re very good at making your characters stand out. The princess and the healer, in particular.

    This was a tasty bite…MORE PLEASE!

  6. hehehe. “and they loved her.” does some fantastic foreshadowing. can’t wait for 5.

  7. Carrie says:

    I think she is finally seeing her real self…and it horrifies her. Perhaps her bad attitude will begin emerging as “faults” in her physical appearance?

    Small critique: in the beginning, you use ‘always’ twice. Maybe try to reword her observations of what is still the same?

    • SAM says:

      I actually did it on purpose just like near the end with the music stopping at the same place it always did, and the people being quiet like they always were. Does it not work in the beginning?

  8. Cameron says:

    Clever. Very clever. Especially using “her song” as a leitmotif for her people to recognize her by, and then using it against her!

    • SAM says:

      A new word. You have an impressive vocabulary, I swear. Thank you for stopping in and reading. I always love your feedback.

  9. angela says:

    I love how you’ve woven her narcissism into this piece, her horror at being “replaced” and certainty that the imposter will be found out immediately. The realization that she isn’t as beloved and irreplaceable as she may have imagined is great.

    • SAM says:

      Thank you! I’m always amazed at how stories come together and have meaning, especially mine. Thank you for the feedback and stopping by.

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