Fairy Tale, Part 1

Fairy Tale, Part 1

September 30, 2011 Writing 28

     Close your eyes, child, for this story is long but worthy. You see, one day, there was a little princess, the prettiest princess you ever saw, born in that white castle just down the way. Her parents were so happy to finally have a child of their own they dedicated an entire wing of the castle just to her.

They hired only the best, and sent for the Royal designer from a land far away. When they were finished, her nursery was the most beautiful rose room in the entire world, even the gold was pink. The walls were decorated in the finest art, brought from museums all across the world—Rembrandts, Picassos, even a Monet or two—scattered all across the room, large and wide, even along the winding staircase that went through the ceiling. And placed along one wall, a large carriage shaped crib layered in gold and crystals; its matching bureau and vanity keeping it company on either side.

They threw a party for the princess to announce her arrival, only days after her birth. Everyone came bearing gifts, awed at the beauty of this tiny baby, and all who came to see her left with smiles and songs in their hearts. So many traveled from far and wide that the king and queen had lost head count, and never knew to miss those who were not invited.

And so the years moved on, and the princess grew lovelier and lovelier. She possessed a beauty like none had ever seen before; so beautiful that to look on her caused physical pain and blindness. This made her parents very sad, and they set about finding someone to help them. After all, how could they find a proper suitor for their daughter if none could survive looking at her? Inventors came from all over the kingdom, offering their services to the princess, but none of them had a solution.

Suddenly, just a few months before the princess’s 16th birthday, a crier came running into the palace, yelling for the queen.

“I have heard legend of a man in India that can make your eyes see different than what stands before you. He is a healer, perhaps he is who you are searching for.” Opened jaws and widened eyes filled the room as the hushed subject was spoken of aloud. The king and queen looked at each other, hope rising on their faces.

“Summon the healer, Captain!” the king bellowed to his top in command.


   This week’s prompts were to use one or both of the images shown above.

Many thanks to Carrie and Lance for their help in editing this story to fit the word count of 600. Carrie’s sharp editing eye found the unnecessary, and  Lance’s love for cliffhangers advised on a good spot to end this round.

So, how did we do? Please feel free to leave me critique. I can’t wait to finish this!


28 Responses

  1. Carrie says:

    Lovely and intriguing. I’ve seen more (obviously) so I’m curious how the healer will help and what his price will be 😉

    • DM says:

      Thank you so much for your help. Having a writing partner is like crack. When she’s gone for a few days, you still need your fix 😉 Thanks for filling in.

  2. Hmmm….doesn’t always pay to be beautiful, does it? Or is it a bigger burden to not be able to see past external beauty, in this case, literally. I’m interested to see where this fairy tale takes us and what the healer in India has to offer! :>

    • DM says:

      Yes, and I’m not sure which is going to play the larger role. The inability to see past external beauty or being beautiful to begin with. Thank you for reading!!

  3. I love how this is told in the fairytale style! When you got to the part about blindness, it felt somewhat abrupt, but that might be a casualty of having to edit down to 600 words.

    Are you going to try and fit whatever the prompts are next week into the next part of the story? Or will you just continue it on its own?

    • DM says:

      hmm I will have to go back to the beginning then so its not so abrupt. I am going to try to fit next week’s prompts in to finish this, but I might work on it alone too. These images were great prompts. The story is still just unwinding in my head.

  4. Barbara, via Write on Edge says:

    Unique and inventive – quite the cliff-hanger!

    Love that beauty is a double edge sword, can’t wait to see how that and this – – “So many traveled from far and wide that the king and queen had lost head count, and never knew to miss those who were not invited-” play out.

    No con-crit, really, just enjoyment!

  5. TheKirCorner says:

    Wow!!! You just nail it every single week, please come to PA and teach me to spin tales like yours. Pretty PLEASE. I see a tragic ending coming or one like Shrek where the right answer is not the obvious one. Loved it!

    • DM says:

      I’m trying to avoid making it into a Grimms type tale, so let’s just go with it being more like Shrek or even Aladdin, for that matter.

  6. Valerie says:

    I can’t wait for the rest of this! I love how you handled the prompt here-you’ve created a good old fashioned classic fairy tale. I will be checking back for part two:) Nicely done!

    • DM says:

      I can’t wait to see how it all works out myself! I have some of part 2 done, but its too much for this word count, so I’ll probably just fluff up a middle part maybe and leave it where it is. Here’s hoping that next week’s prompts will take me there.

  7. jessicaanne says:

    I love where this took you. And I love, love, love the Indian healer. I want more of this fairy tale. Please, you kill me with the cliff hangers.

    • DM says:

      Sorry about that. When I started the story I had intended for it to be just a story, contained within the 600 words, but well, it took on a life of its own….

  8. Renee says:

    Here I am, all ready for the answer. And what?!
    I have to wait.
    Good job pulling me in. I’ll be waiting…

  9. CDG says:

    Wait? I have to wait?

    I love a fairy tale. I like that you’re drawing on a rich tradition of stories without being overly derivative, and your use of the prompt? Inspired!

    • DM says:

      Well y’all are the ones that impose the word count. 😉 LOL.

      Thank you. I’m really hoping to stay mostly original in my spin of old ideas.

  10. Tina says:

    I loves me some fairy tales!!! You captured the lyrical quality that fairy tales seem to have–I could almost see this being told to a group of children by the fireplace.

    I can’t wait to read what happens next!

    • DM says:

      It’s interesting because this story started with a girl sitting on the benches, with a flashback to her grandmother telling this story, sitting in the same old rocking chair, in front of a roaring fire. That part got cut for the word count, but I may go and add it back as I finish up the story. I had a nice little twist that worked into.

  11. debseeman says:

    I await the next chapter. I’m intrigued and want to find out if there will be a “happily ever after”

    Some CONCRIT: I’m a writer who uses a lot of metaphor and miss having some of it in a fairy tale. Definitely some opportunities to expand the “view”.

  12. Erin says:

    You did excellent! A fairy tale that I have to wait for the ending?! DARN! Reminds me of the princess bride, where the little boy kept asking and interrupting…..so I’ll just shut up and wait to see what happens next! =)

  13. shah wharton says:

    Oh it all fell into place. Wished I’d read it in order now 😉 Brilliantly executed as always. Your words envelope me. X

  14. miq says:

    This is fabulous. Can’t wait to read some more of it. Oh wait, I don’t have to…on to part two!

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