Fairy Tale: Day the Second

“It was  a rainy night in Dusseldorf…” the princess began.

“What are you doing?” the healer interrupted.

“I’m writing a story. What do you think I’m doing?!” the princess smirked. “I know you think I’m a witch, but I’m not. I’m just a girl looking for my happy ending. If I want it to begin with a rainy night in Dusseldorf, then so be it.” She flipped her golden locks over her shoulder. It rippled down her back in a frenzy of spongy curls.  Amusement drifted across the healer’s face.

Boing!  he thought. It was what he always thought but would get so caught up in the princess’s attitude that he’d  forget to tweak on one. Where he came from hair was jet black, course, thick, and straight. Heated irons were needed to create what was natural to the princess.

She caught him looking at her. Even with the new beauty mark and the more obvious crook in her nose, she was still beautiful. “Oh, stop staring. YOU did this. You don’t get to act as if it’s the most hideous thing you’ve ever seen.” Her eyes flicked to her vanity where her mirror sat covered with a thick black cloth. She took in a breath of air, letting her chest swell with it, before releasing it.  She needed to see her parents but the healer kept them away. If she were turning something beautiful into something ugly, she’d keep the parents away too.

I don’t deserve this. It isn’t fair. She thought.

She walked to the bed and sat down, her chin resting on her chest, her lips drawn down in a pout. The healer sighed. He had one more day to work his magic and the king’s test would be done. Someone else would get a chance to win the princess’s heart. He couldn’t let that happen. As her beauty on the outside dimmed, her beauty on the inside shined. He moved across the room and stood before her. With his index finger, he pulled her chin up and looked her in the eyes.

“It was a rainy night in Dusseldorf…and?” he asked.

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“It was a rainy night in Dusseldorf….” Where did you take this opening line? in 500 words or less.

I’m always looking for feedback to help me become a better writer. Thank you for sharing your thoughts in the comments.

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You can find the previous part to the story here.

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Stephanie Ayers

Executive Creative Director at Our Write Side/OWS Ink, LLC
A published author with a knack for twisted tales, Stephanie Ayers is the Executive Creative Director of OWS Ink, LLC, a community for writers and readers alike. She loves a good thriller, fairies, things that go bump in the night, and sappy stories. When she is not writing, she can be found in Creative Cloud designing book covers and promotional graphics for authors.
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8 thoughts on “Fairy Tale: Day the Second”

  1. Kathleen says:

    Watch your POV shifts and the double punctuations (?!). But I like the concept a lot. I think this would be a great candidate for expanding a bit!

  2. Carrie says:

    Hmmm…so the healer wants the princess to love him. Interesting.

    I love how she feels a beauty mark and slightly crooked nose makes her hideous. The obsurdity is amusing.

    I agree with Kathleen that you need to decide which POV you are using and stick to it throughout the piece.

  3. sarahealy says:

    Nice twist. I like the idea of the Healer winning the heart of the princess. I always enjoy the way you play with the idea of how a princess should be. You make this one so annoying, but not too much. I still feel sympathy for her. I also love the humor. When I read these, I’m always smiling through them, even if there’s a moral to the tale.

    I see what Carrie and Kathleen said, but I didn’t notice this on my first read. I had to go back and look for it. This may be because I read everything out loud and therefore grammar doesn’t jump out at me. It’s also why I make so many mistakes! Then again, reading out loud lets me simply enjoy the way you make your characters come alive:~)

  4. Jackie says:

    I love this series!

    He seems to have some underlying plot(s) going!

    1. SAM says:

      He definitely does!

  5. Cameron says:

    I like the way you’re turning over a fresh stone in the fairy tale/beauty vs. goodness category. I wonder what lurks beneath the healer’s surface?

    I see Kathleen and Carrie brought up the POV shift, but I think it’s fairly easily remedied.

  6. Kir says:

    IKd love to know what the healer looks like 😉 but it’s interesting to see her sit in frotn of a mirror and not be able to see herself. I liked this. I can’t wait for the next time we see her.

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