Can I Master The Art Of Being Absolutely Enough?
“Sometimes I think it’s less that I am busy and overwhelmed, and more that I’m just bad at being a human.” ~Jim Gaffigan comedian
A friend of mine posted the above quote on Facebook a while back. It has popped up on occasion ever since. This is where I have been, mentally and emotionally, lately. I want to do so much, I really am doing so much. I feel like I can barely keep up with myself and yet… I want to do more. I feel like I should be able to more, to do it all. No matter how much I accomplish, I seem to always feel this way.
I seem to fall into this little slump a couple times each year. I am still learning how to strike a balance between what I want to do and what I need to do. As a people pleasing, Type A personality this feels like a never ending cycle. I am at a point now where I have decided to scale back. I can’t do 50 things and do them well. But if I cut out some projects maybe I can do 25 well? Or 10 if it need be.
doing so many awesome things. I think to myself, “I want to be like that!” I want to be one of those Super Moms who Do It All. I look at the things I try to do, the things I half ass do, and the things I forget on a daily basis and I start to feel… LESS.
My husband, Shawn, and I used to work full-time, at a job we enjoyed. Unfortunately, we had a long commute, a forty-five-minute drive. On the highway no less. This commute turned our forty-hour work week into a forty-seven and a half work week. We also attended college classes three nights out of the week, adding another six hours of class time plus study and homework time. Did I mention we ran not one, but two businesses from home? Oh, and kids… we have five… teenagers…
I thought maybe, just maybe, I could balance all of this and play the part of Superwoman. I was wrong. It was hard to admit it. And it was even harder to decide where to cut back. My husband and I decided to take some time off from school and to close our home businesses. Working full time and raising five kids was enough work though I continued writing. Always writing.
And then, almost as suddenly as we made these changes, our job ended. Such is life. We had to adjust and tighten up, but my husband eventually found a better job that allowed me to continue to stay home. I have taken to this “housewife” role much easier than I would have expected at first.
We bought a new house, and I spent a good deal of time nesting and getting everything situated. Our wedding was the same week as our Big Move. It was a stressful, but rewarding time.
It didn’t take long before I began to pile my plate once again. I began several novels as well as several collections (short stories and poetry). I took on the role of Editor-in-Chief Eat Sleep Write, quite unexpectedly. I began to drown again. As much as I love writing and even though I felt honored to receive such a prestigious title, I felt as though my wings had been clipped.
I’m blessed that my best friend and writing partner was on the same page. Together we began discussing our options and decided to try something different. Something more our own. And so we have ended up here. And here is good.
With my love of art and a need for an outlet, I began candle making as a side business. The time I spent doing this gives me a chance to unplug from the demands of writing and social media. I enjoy the quiet solitude of my art studio, downstairs… far from my office. Until, it became too much. One project turned into two, which turned into five. And now I am in the process of whittling my art studio back down to a manageable size.
And finally, I resumed my Wicca studies in the hopes of becoming an ordained priestess. I have started school as a first year dedicant. Following my own spiritual path was incredibly self-satisfying. For a while. And then something I enjoyed started to feel like work. And the cost seem to repeatedly hit my bank account at the most inopportune times. And, so I dropped the paid school and decided to return to independent study, as my time allows.
There is absolutely nothing else I feel I can give up at this point. I really love everything I do, from running my household to writing to creating. And I love that every step of the way I have Shawn right by my side and our kids witnessing our example of… trying…
In retrospect, I don’t suppose you really can “fail” at being human. Who sets the standard for that? We can only strive every day to be a little better than we were yesterday.
I think I prefer this quote by the wonderful Marla aka Flylady…
“You are not behind, just jump in where you are!”
Until next time, scribe happy and stay sassy!