K.I.S.S. that Book Goodbye or How to Not Write A Book

K.I.S.S. that Book Goodbye or How to Not Write A Book
September 23, 2016 1 Comment Writing Advice Stephanie Ayers

kI know you have the same struggle I do. We work so hard on our books every day there’s never down time. I am going to show you how to k.i.s.s. that book goodbye. In other words, I’m going to teach you how to join the masters of procrastination in just 5 easy steps. Are you ready?

First: Keep It Simple, Stupid.

  1. Make coffee. Take a sip.
  2. Facebook/Tweet/Instagram/Snapchat while drinking your coffee.

This will take up a good hour.

Second

  1. Reheat your coffee. Take a sip. Too hot.
  2. Sort through email while it cools. Take a sip. Still too hot.
  3. Facebook/Tweet/Instagram/Snapchat while telling yourself to drink the coffee.

This has taken up another hour, if not two. You’ve successfully wasted almost three hours and you still have coffee to drink.

Third

  1. Check the time. Note that it is close to lunch time and you don’t know what you’re eating yet. Reheat your coffee. Take a sip. Too hot.
  2. Google search good places to grab lunch while you wait for your coffee to cool. Take a sip. Ah, yay! Coffee’s fine.
  3. Drink your coffee while distracting yourself on YouTube.

Thirty minutes passed, but you managed to finish your coffee. However, now it’s really close to lunch time.

book goodbyeFourth

  1. Pull up your navigation and add in the address to your lunch. Note the directions and the amount of time to go and return.
  2. Trace your fastest route in your head and remember there’s always a bunch of traffic this time of day. Ask your navigation for a new route.
  3. Remember there’s construction on the new route and veto it. Repeat step 2.
  4. No routes will actually give you enough time so you go back to Google Search.
  5. You decide to make up the time you wasted earlier by staying in the office so you look for delivery.
  6. You finally make up your mind and order online. You look at the clock. Lunch break begins in twenty minutes.
  7. Applaud yourself for perfect delivery timing.
  8. Open your book. Stare at the screen for twenty minutes.
  9. Lunch arrives.
  10. Eat. Spill your tea because you’re clumsy. Clean it up.
  11. Discover the tea seeped through your Otterbox case.
  12. Freak out.
  13. Spend twenty minutes trying to get the cover apart.
  14. Give up. Grab paper towel and dab your phone. Outside is dry, but there are tea stains on your screen.
  15. Spend another twenty minutes trying to get the cover off.
  16. Applaud yourself for succeeding.
  17. Spend the next fifteen minutes detailing your phone.
  18. Erase the tea stains from the front.
  19. Open the battery, dry thoroughly.
  20. Put battery back in.
  21. Wait five minutes for it to turn back on.
  22.  Screen is smeared. Polish it.
  23. Spend five minutes putting the case back on.

Lunch break is long over. It’s almost time to pick up the kids from school.

Final

  1. Open your book’s tab.
  2. Stare at the screen.
  3. Google for word prompts.
  4. Get lost in images.
  5. Get an idea, return to the book tab.
  6. Your phone alarm goes off warning the time.
  7. You hurl choice words towards your screen.
  8. Shut down your computer while promising yourself you’ll be back later and run off to parent.

We both know once the kids are home, you won’t find yourself back at the computer until they go to bed, right? By then you’re too exhausted from your day of doing and go to bed. Socializing online in your pjs is hard work, yo!

Congratulations! You’ve become a master of procrastination! Here’s your award.
[bctt tweet=”Tired of plugging away day after day on your book? Try these 5 steps to add some fun to your life and say goodbye to #writing. @theauthorSAM #writingtips” username=”OurWriteSide”]
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Stephanie Ayers A published author with a knack for twisted tales, Stephanie Ayers is the Executive Creative Director of OWS Ink, LLC, a community for writers and readers alike. She loves a good thriller, fairies, things that go bump in the night, and sappy stories. When she is not writing, she can be found in Creative Cloud designing book covers and promotional graphics for authors.
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  1. one Comment

    Renee

    Lol! Sounds about right. Only my daughter is homeschooled so she’s home all day.

    Reply

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