At Least Is Ain’t My Kid…CRAP

At Least Is Ain’t My Kid…CRAP

March 3, 2016 Writing Advice 2

 

Climbing up Leonid Mamchenkov via Compfight

During the school year, I used to teach preschool. I was a certified preschool teacher (You didn’t know that did you?) People had to trusted me with their children. That’s a good feeling, most of the time. There are some children who are, well, challenging. I say this without malice because my daughter (now 14) was (is) also “challenging”. Please don’t tell her I said that!

During my teaching career, there were tons a few times that I thought, “Thank goodness and all that is shiny that you are not my child.”

Bokeh Balls

cobalt123 via Compfight

For example:

Once, during pick up time, a small group of 3-year olds were sitting quietly in a corner. The fact that they were so quiet should have served as a warning to myself and the other THREE adults in the room.

An ear-splitting scream brought us all rushing to the group where a little boy explained to us, between sobs, that he had stood up and taken out his ‘winky’ because “Mya never sawed one.” The little girl next to him had apparently leaned over and *cough* bit it.

(I knew the exact moment the director told the little girl’s mom because I heard her shriek, “My daughter had a penis in her mouth?!”)

Thank goodness and all that is shiny that you are not my children!

Little people Biagio Mannaggio via Compfight

Not that it matters, because again, I have my daughter:

One day I was headed back to my classroom after my not nearly long enough super refreshing lunch break. Meena’s classroom was on my way so, of course, I stopped to sneak a peek to see what my little hellion darling was up to.

I noticed right away a commotion over by the art sinks. It appeared someone had plugged both sinks causing them to overflow onto the counter tops and down to the floor. The children were all in an uproar and the teacher was flitting around in an attempt to restore order.

Also, this someone was running and sliding (think ‘slip-n-slide’) across the counters! Who does that?? What kind of parent raises a child like that? Then the evil fun lovin’ child hops up and *gasp*

NO!!

MY CHILD!

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND SHINY IT WAS MY CHILD!

So, I did what any dedicated mother would do. I kept walking to my classroom.

Like a boss.

My mom tip for the week? If your kid is doing something so unbelievably embarrassing in public, pretend not to notice. Better yet, pretend it’s not your kid!

Until next time, scribe happy (and avoid control your minions!)

alsig

 

 

 

 

 

2 Responses

  1. lexy3587 says:

    that is the most amazingly awful story. Gahd, I love how much children like biting. Though not when around children… my youngest sister once bit me in the face after pretending she wanted to give me a kiss. I suspect my own mother had a lot of those, “Nope, not dealing with this” parenting moments with us. The fact that she can’t confirm how many worms I’ve eaten proves this.

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