A Lucky Man

A Lucky Man
November 26, 2011 11 Comments Writing Stephanie Ayers

“Martin, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, Kate. I’m sorry I can’t be the man you need me to be. I’m sorry that I’m driving you to nightmares. I’m just sorry. You and Malcolm are better off without me, at least until I get my head straight. I can’t keep doing this to you. Dr. Anderson offered to take me on a camping trip next week. I’m going to go tonight. I’m so sorry it’s like this. You have no idea what a lucky man I think I am. You are so good to me. I’m so sorry. God, I love you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I took Velvet Verbosity’s 100 Word Challenge with a small snippet from my NaNo project. The word of the week was “Lucky”.

To bring you in the moment, Kate’s had another nightmare and woken up screaming. Martin took off, leaving her to comfort the terrified Malcolm, and now he feels guilty. This conversation occurs over the phone.

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Stephanie Ayers A published author with a knack for twisted tales, Stephanie Ayers is the Executive Creative Director of OWS Ink, LLC, a community for writers and readers alike. She loves a good thriller, fairies, things that go bump in the night, and sappy stories. When she is not writing, she can be found in Creative Cloud designing book covers and promotional graphics for authors.
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  1. 11 Comments

    Carrie

    With the length of Martin’s dialogue, I think that might work better if she is listening to it as a message left on her voice mail.

    Just a thought 🙂

    Reply
    1. 11 Comments

      DM

      It has breaks and interruptions that I omitted here for the word count, but that’s a good idea too. In fact, it may even set the stage better! Excellent idea!

      Reply
  2. 11 Comments

    Lance

    I kind of liked the stream of conscious thought delivery….but now that Carrie brings the idea up, I do think that format would deliver an emotional punch.

    I like it regardless, DM

    Reply
    1. 11 Comments

      DM

      Thanks Lance. I think its going to be powerful either way, but I agree. For this prompt though, the voicemail doesn’t work.

      Reply
  3. 11 Comments

    Angelia Sims

    This makes me sad! C’mon Martin get it together!!

    Reply
    1. 11 Comments

      DM

      Good. I want you sad for Martin and Kate. 🙂

      Reply
  4. 11 Comments

    lisa from insignificant at best

    This is the first I’ve read of this story and I’m already hooked. LOL I need to go back and read the rest! Very powerful for just 100 words!

    Reply
    1. 11 Comments

      DM

      What a wonderful compliment, Lisa!! it’s a horror story, and just about everything I’ve posted that didn’t have surviving NaNo in the title has revolved around this story. Some of the snippets are on the scary side, a bit shocking. Enjoy the read though.

      Reply
  5. 11 Comments

    mish

    Martin sounds confused… and yet sincere… poor chap sounds like he’s battling emotional torment!

    Reply
    1. 11 Comments

      DM

      YES!!!!!!!! Woot!! He is exactly–emotional, mental, physical. I’m glad its apparent here. Thank you!

      Reply
  6. 11 Comments

    Velvet Verbosity (@velvetverbosity)

    So he’s the cause of her nightmares eh? I’d say he does need to take that camping trip. Hmph.

    Reply

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