A Future Told

For authors, by authors, one word at a time

A Future Told

October 31, 2012 Master Class Writing 21

I’ve watched through his eyes, I’ve listened through his ears, and I tell you he’s the one. I know you don’t believe me, but he’s going to get you down where the loss cuts worst. Right down to your very soul.

Unless you get out now.

You’ve seen through your crystal ball what your future holds. You know there is one out there who will know you better than anyone else. You know he will be the one to destroy everything. Yet, you resist. You don’t want to believe it’s him, with his baby blue eyes, long eyelashes, and dimples-for-miles that you got lost in. You don’t want to believe that behind his charming smile lays a soulless creature with a block of coal for a heart.

He’s sucked you in.

That’s what he’s good for—charming his way into your heart, fitting himself into your daily routine so easy that you take him in, fall in love, and marry him. And that’s when the cycle starts. He sucks you dry little by little, taking as much from you as he can, while giving nothing of himself in return. He’ll fill your home with the children you desire; beautiful blue eyed, dimpled babies that will charm and delight you as their father did. He’ll echo those words of love your soul aches to hear, yet not one action will back it up. Too soon, those words turn against you, yet by then he’s trapped you. He’ll cast you away shattered and aching, feeling useless to anyone but him.

He’s still not done with you.

He strips you of your home, your money, your livelihood. He’ll begin to poison your children against you. He’ll name you a crazed whore in front of peers at the local courthouse. He’ll then commit his final act, stealing your children from you with no hope of seeing them again.

He’s hit you down where the loss cuts worst and deprives you of your soul.

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For the Scriptic prompt exchange this week, Jester Queen gave me this prompt: Down where the loss cuts worst.

I gave kgwaite this prompt: You can still hear the echo of the guitar in the alleyway today.

This also fits the Master Class prompt, using the opening line from Ender’s Game: I’ve watched through his eyes, I’ve listened through his ears, and I tell you he’s the one.

And lastly, Trifecta’s Week 49 word prompt fit in nicely with this story too. The word this week, with it’s third definition is whore– a venal or unscrupulous person. It is exactly 331 words long, satisfying word count requirements for both Trifecta (33-333) and Master Class (300-500).

As always, I’m looking for feedback to improve my writing. Won’t you share your thoughts in a comment?

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Thanks for stopping in!

 

21 Responses

  1. Eric Storch says:

    I absolutely love it when I see people so creative that they can satisfy the requirements of multiple prompts with one story, and this is no exception. Fortunately, I’ve never been in this situation, but I know those who have, and I think you’ve nailed the emotion of it on the head. Well played, SAM.

    • SAM says:

      Thanks, Eric. Sometimes the prompts just flow together, and it was just amazing to me that Trifecta’s word this week was the perfect touch I needed for this story.

      You’ve got a good thing going with the Master Class. I hope it picks up for you and takes off.

  2. Carrie says:

    This is an ominous tale, one that can be all too true.

    My only critique is the use of “stripped” twice in the end…I’m wondering if you could find an alternate word for one use?

  3. stankmeaner says:

    That was down and dirty right in the thick of it, you manage to convey a stark and raw emotional feel while still using a flow of words that sound ‘pretty’.

  4. deanabo says:

    Your words are amazing! great writing.

  5. Draug419 says:

    As soon as I read the first line I was f***ing geeking out. I was pointing at the screen and uttering something along the lines of “aaaa aaaa aaaa” while flailing my hand. lol The rest of the piece is very, very good too. It’s almost like the person you’re describing is a venus fly trap–attractive, but a danger.

  6. Chelle says:

    Oh this one keeps you hooked from the first few words. Amazing work here, Sam.

  7. Intriguing post! Good luck with the contest. 🙂

  8. Zowie – that was good. I recognized the Ender’s Game line and it threw me until I realized what you were doing! I’m honored to have given you your last scriptic prompt before the NaNo rushes in.

  9. David Wiley says:

    What a great post that combines three prompts into one short, yet powerful piece of writing. Keep making posts like this and the Master Class will attract other writers like flies. I loved this one.

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